Comment by Jodie Jordan on 03 Nov 2009 at 3:28 pm

Dear Karen,

I am so touched and so surprised to get a response from you.

Thanks so much.

This phrase you typed, “Since I harbored male alters, I usually dressed casually, wore little to no make-up, and rarely wore a dress,” reminds me so much of myself.

I have little interest to dress as a female or doll up too much, opting for more casual styles and comfy clothes. It’s strange. I can dress up to the occasion if I want or need to, but I am most comfortable just being plain and simple.

I hurt a lot deep down. I realize my conflicting personalities and even sexuality is causing my downfall in life. I cannot progress much and do much in life. Full of fear. It’s as if I cannot decide which character to assume to go ahead to face the work I have to do or the world I’m in. I feel sad about this. It’s as if I cannot maintain 1 persona for long. I switch between different personas. Is this having multiple personality too? Or just borderline personality?

I’m not sure.

I don’t lose time though like you do when you switch. I mean, I am aware of all the parts of me. Just that I assume different roles at different times and I become different types of persons when I meet different people or when doing different things in life.

I feel wierd that I can never merge these different parts of me together. I avoid many social situations because of this. I avoid most people. I literally turn and run when I see people I know or when people want to form closer bonds with me.

What is wrong with me?

Can Dr Baer even give me a brief explanation about my symptoms?

I used to think I could be a borderline personality sufferer. Until I started reading your book. Could I be having multiple personality instead?

Dear Jodie Jordan,

Thank you for sharing with me. I understand what you mean by staying casual most of the time. Sure, I was able to dress up and appear more feminine whenever I needed to, but I never felt quite comfortable. There were many occasions, such as weddings, banquets, or parties, where I wanted to fit in.  We share some of the same thoughts. If you haven’t been diagnosed as a multiple, has your therapist shared another possible disorder with you?

Having both female and male alters influencing one’s life can be troublesome, but the way I dealt with those times was just to be myself. Sometimes I felt a bit more male instead of female, but that never made a difference to me. Why? Because I am proud of both sides of my unique personality. Besides, a multiple has an excuse! Have you ever met a man who acts more female than male? Or a female who acts more male? We all know someone like that. I believe being yourself is best, whether male or female.

Multiples are unique individuals, no two are alike. No one is perfect and no one multiple switches or loses time in the same way as another. Our past experiences define the way we choose to survive. I think it’s great that you are aware of other parts of yourself. Losing time wasn’t so great. At least you are aware of all that has happened to you even if out of your control. Maybe during your healing this will be an added plus. Have you found a good therapist that you can trust to accompany you on your journey? Once you establish a good therapeutic relationship with your therapist, he or she will explain your symptoms and help you to understand.

Please don’t give up. Have faith and your healing will follow.

Thank you for your compliments.

Karen

Comment by Judy on 07 Nov 2009 at 6:45 pm

Karen,

Unbelievable story! So much more fascinating than I ever imagined it to be! I never believed anyone who claimed mpd to be honest. I believed it was a made up attention seeking disease and not in a real way. Reading ST proved me wrong. I am now a firm believer. I’m sorry for my ignorance. A few times you wrote ‘knowledge is the key’. That phrase was why I read your book. I thought why would Karen want others to learn from any source if she not be real herself? I bought your book for that reason. What a learning experience. Thank you Richard and Karen for putting out the truth about mpd. Knowledge is power.

Judy

Dear Judy,

Thank you! I’m glad to hear that you came to a better understanding of multiplicity after reading Switching Time. That is what Dr. Baer and I have hoped for. It was hard to share my story in graphic detail, but we needed in include the reality of my experiences to provide real understanding of what can happen to a child who has been repetitively abused. There continues to be mystery surrounding multiple personality disorder. It is our hope Switching Time will help shine a light on the incomprehensible illness I survived.

Thank you for your apology, but I believe your search for more information is most admirable. I believe it’s important not to judge without facts. You’re right – knowledge is the key.

Thank you for believing in me and for taking time to share your thoughts. I appreciate you.

Karen

Comment by Sylvia on 04 Nov 2009 at 11:30 pm

Dear Karen,

I am writing to you in tears. I feel so badly to have lost someone close to me. This person was my friend and knew all of me and my alters. We are as a whole tormented in grief. What would you do if you were me? I don’t have a therapist at this time because I lost my job, my medical insurance and he won’t see me anymore saying he can’t. I feel so lost, first my best friend dies and then my therapist abandoned me. Maybe I should join my friend and die with him? I’m so sad.

Sylvia

LA

Dear Sylvia,

I’m sorry it’s taken a bit longer than usual to answer your question. I hope you are feeling better and have found someone to help you during this difficult time. I am shocked that your therapist abandoned you! I would feel devastated, too, especially at a time when you’re grieving the death of someone very close to you. It’s sad how money can become an issue in many relationships, even with one’s therapist. Dr. Baer and I have had our share of ups and downs but he never once abandoned me. Time goes on, and you may find a job with benefits and be able to return to therapy. Your therapist made a commitment to help you heal, just as you made a commitment to heal.

Maybe for now you can find comfort in a not-for-profit counseling center with a sliding scale of payment. Please seek help in the best way you can. Suicide is not the answer. I can understand how your sadness and dark thoughts urge you to take your own life, but that’s never the answer. Please don’t act on these temporary feelings.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey in healing.

Karen

Comment by Colleen on 04 Nov 2009 at 11:05 pm

Dear Karen,

Fascinating! Dr. Baer’s work with you is unbelievable human drama. Thank you for telling your story. Will there be another book following? Does Richard Baer write professionally about anything else? Will you ever consider writing yourself? I believe you both are amazing and should continue to write.

Regards,

Colleen

Dear Colleen,

You’re welcome! Dr. Baer and I felt sharing our journey would help increase knowledge of the illness of multiple personality disorder, and I believe we have accomplished just that. I’m glad that you found our story fascinating! Thank you for sharing; you have made my day!

Switching Time was Dr. Baer’s first book. Dr. Baer has not written another book at this time, although he talks about doing so. I’m a writer, too, and you can see my writing reproduced in Switching Time. I believe Dr. Baer and I worked well together because I provided many detailed writings and journals to help my therapy along. We both enjoy writing and it is my hope that we someday write the sequel and share authorship.

Thank you for encouraging us to continue writing! That’s very important to me.

Karen

Comment by Andy on 04 Nov 2009 at 10:58 pm

Hi Karen,

I am interested in reading your book but can’t find it at any bookstore? I went to three and was told it could be ordered online but they were out of stock. I could do that but don’t have email. I am using my friends pc now. I can give him money to order for me but would rather buy it myself. While on the pc I read some of your answers. I think you are so smart. Can’t wait to read your book.

Andy

Dear Andy,

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time finding Switching Time in bookstores near you. Most bookstores keep a low stock of each book. It has been my experience that when you order any book from a book store, it will arrive within a few days, and you will receive a call and can pick it up at your leisure.

I would love to hear your comments when you finish reading.

Thank you for your compliment!

Karen

Comment by Sullivan on 02 Nov 2009 at 9:37 am

Karen,

I read six different books on MPD. I liked yours the best because it was the most informative and helpful. I was diagnosed a few years ago. I’m not sure but think reading too much is making me feel more ill? My dreams have intensified. When you read books during therapy were you affected? What books did you read? Did the books you read influence and confuse your therapy? I am more confused. What books did Richard Baer make you read during therapy? My therapist had me reading First Person Plural, Sybil and A Man in the Mirror. I read the others on my own. What advice can you give in your opinion to doctors who treat patients like us? Whatever Dr. Baer did for your healing should be written for all doctors who treat mpd patients. Whatever Dr. Baer did was correct. I don’t want to change my therapist but he should learn how to treat me. You were lucky. I don’t feel so lucky today.

Sullivan

Maine

Dear Sullivan,

Thank you for sharing. I never read any books on multiple personality disorder during my therapy. I never watched any movies such as Sybil or Three Faces of Eve.  I first read about my illness after integration was complete. I didn’t want to be influenced and feared reading anything that might provoke any of my alters to misbehave. I was afraid to know more.

Before therapy I’d never heard of multiple personality disorder. The first I ever heard of it was years into therapy when Dr. Baer told me my diagnosis. I believed my losing time was normal and that everyone lost time. When I was young, I assumed my being sexually abused was the same treatment all girls received from their elders. I was sheltered from knowing the truth about sex, abuse, and reality. My world existed within myself. My experiences were limited by my dysfunctional father who kept my high school activities limited. I believed I was bad and my punishment was deserved. I was so young when my abuse started. I didn’t know any better.

After I learned and accepted my diagnosis of multiple personality disorder, I became curious. I admit I tried watching the movie Sybil, but couldn’t and had to turn it off. I tried reading a few books with no luck, never reading past the first few chapters before having a panic attack. Dr. Baer never forced me to read any books during our therapeutic relationship. He did, however, ask me if I had read any books, and I told him no.

In my opinion, based on my personal experience, I would say don’t read anymore at this time. I believe you’ve read far more than needed during your process of healing. If I were you, I would be confused, too! Remember to trust your own instincts. If reading about multiplicity disturbs you, then stop reading about the illness and focus on your own unique story and healing.

Doctors who treat patients like us should not influence the natural flow of progress by interjecting someone else’s story. Dr. Baer never once told me what to think, how to think, or what to read. Everything was encouraged to come from within my own self.

Wishing you all my best as you change the course of your journey to heal.

Karen

Comment by Student on 02 Nov 2009 at 8:54 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you for answering my question with understanding. I feel confidant in knowing that you understand me just like Dr. Baer understood you. If it weren’t for being understood and gaining understanding of trauma no one will ever learn what it takes to be confidant to live. The fact of suffering is horrific. Being alone, frightened and in despair is horrific. Having an idea what to do about it is priceless. Switching Time gave me hope.

Thank you.

Student

Dear Student,

You are not only brave but also wise beyond your years. It’s true, suffering is horrific but one can change that with courage. Please take care of yourself first.  I believe when the time comes you will take the necessary steps needed to move forward. I have faith in you.

A gentle reminder from me to you… If you should feel as if you’re beginning to fall, please seek immediate help with a qualified therapist. As brave as I believe you are, and as much wisdom as you express, we all need someone, sometimes. I did.  I knew I needed professional guidance and was fortunate to find the right therapist, Dr. Baer, at the right time, to accompany me on my journey. Knowing when to let go and seek help was the hardest decision I made.

Thank you for believing that my story has helped give you hope. Through sharing my story, it is both my and Dr. Baer’s hope to bring a better understanding and further knowledge of the after affects of child sexual abuse.

Wishing you all my best as you begin your journey to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Eli Ward on 29 Oct 2009 at 10:38 pm

Dear Karen, I have just read the book “A Life in Pieces.” I am truly amazed at your courage and strength after the most horrendous experiences you went through. You became whole again and I hope you are now enjoying life..you deserve the best.

All my best wishes to you….Eli

Dear Eli,

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful wishes! I truly appreciate hearing them. I am doing my very best to enjoy life. Each morning I’m amazed just to be here. I continue to learn something new about myself each day and will continue on living my life to the best of my ability.

Thank you again for thinking of me, respecting me, and for understanding my story.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Erin Leigh on 27 Oct 2009 at 4:48 pm

Dear Karen,

I am twenty one and was raped by my uncle when I was thirteen. I am not a mpd patient but whenever my extended family gets together on holidays to celebrate I think I dissociate. I swear I must erase the entire time my uncle is present. My mom yells at me for not remembering some of the greater moments, jokes and pleasant conversations claiming I don’t care. I space out a lot with them on holidays and people tell me I am not paying attention. I don’t mean to be that way but can’t remember whenever my rapist is present. Could I have a dissociative disorder of another type? Am I blocking out like you lost time? Can you ask Dr. Baer if I should do something about my memory or forget about it? Will I grow out of it on my own? I don’t want to see a therapist because I don’t want to be medicated with psych drugs. I never have any problems with memory in any other area of my life with friends, school or work. I am honored to have read your story. I admire you courage to share. Thank you.

Erin Leigh

Dear Erin Leigh,

Thank you for sharing. I understand what you are experiencing when you are in the presence of your past abuser. I’ve felt the same many times. I know how difficult it is when one member of your family is the abuser and you wish to be with the rest of the family. It’s hard to function in that type of atmosphere. You really have no other choice but to leave, or risk bringing what happened out in the open. Either way is met with dilemma. I believe your family needs to know, in part, why you are having such a hard time at family functions.  Have you thought of sharing at least with your parents? Maybe they can help you seek the appropriate help.

I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but I believe what you are experiencing is some form of dissociation. I don’t believe it’s the same as multiplicity. You haven’t mentioned an alter taking your place. Whenever I was in the presence of my abusers, I went “away.” I couldn’t bear to hear his voice, smell his cologne, or engage in a conversation. Immediately upon contact with my abuser, my head would start pounding; I’d become distant and feel nauseous. I thought I had to maintain composure so that no one would know the truth. Little did I know at the time that my behavior was affecting everyone around me. I was often thought of as a sick child, and never able to enjoy a holiday. My mother blamed my behavior on the after-effects of brain surgery, which wasn’t true. My illness came from being a victim of abuse.

Please seek a qualified therapist who can help you sort out those dark thoughts. I believe the longer anyone waits to address inner pain from past abuse the harder it becomes to heal. I held in my abuse and created alters.

Please know that not all therapists prescribe psych medications. I rarely if ever took medication. Talk therapy can achieve the best results. When you find a therapist, make it clear to him that you prefer not to be medicated.  The therapist will respect your wishes.

Wishing you all my best as you begin your own journey toward healing.

Karen

Comment by Oswald MD on 27 Oct 2009 at 2:48 pm

What do you think about people to constantly try to give you suggestions? Do you take suggestions or not? What do you do when you decide to take a few days off? Thank you for writing your story with Richard Baer. The book was extremely well put together and informative. ST was needed to break ground on dissociative differences. I am in the med field and hate the fact the diagnosis name was changed from MPD to DID, A STUPID move on the Board of Psychiatry. What were they thinking? My curiosity of you has me wondering why I am concerned for your mental well being. Should I be? Should anyone be? Can’t explain why but for some reason find you never at rest or taking time off for yourself. Why work so hard for Richard Baer? What has he been doing lately to encourage knowledge of his treatment of you? Is he providing informative seminars, speaking at medical conferences, overseeing new cases of mpd? What? Anything? Haven’t heard a word about him, only you.

Oswald MD

Dear Dr. Oswald,

In my opinion most people love to give suggestions on what someone else should do, where they should go, and how they should live their life. I believe the people in my life, as well as in each of our lives, simply give suggestions because they truly care and want what’s best for us.

When I receive a suggestion from someone, I will listen intently to that suggestion, and if the suggestion is a good one, I will consider it, even if it goes against my own instincts. Just because I don’t know someone very well doesn’t mean they don’t have my best interests at heart. In sharing my story, I’ve allowed other people to connect with me. It’s just the way I am. Suggestions can be good. Trusting one’s own instincts first is always a must.

I’m not sure what the American Psychiatric Association was thinking when they switched the term Multiple Personality Disorder to Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I would love to hear what their thoughts were when they did.  In my opinion, when the term MPD is used, everyone knows it’s exact meaning. When DID is used, it’s vague and covers a wide range of dissociative disorders, leaving it unclear as to what kind of dissociation a person suffers from. Personally, MPD, or multiplicity, are my choices to explain the illness I suffered and survived.

Thank you for your questions, compliments, and concerns about my well-being. I continue to do the best I can to get through each day. I enjoy the work I do and am inspired to continue on in the hope I will help others through their own personal journeys. Dr. Baer and I worked very hard together to share our story. Sharing my story has given me purpose. I love what I do.

Karen