Comment by Sandra on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:05 pm

Karen,

Have you ever felt like running away from your self since integration? What constitutes change under distress? How do you live? Is your pain gone?

Sandra

Dear Sandra,

Yes, I’ve felt like running away from myself, especially at times when I become overwhelmed with reality that causes too much stress.  Doesn’t every one feel like that at times? I prefer to stay calm. But like all of us, sometimes that can be an impossibility.

I become overwhelmed after someone mistreats me and I can’t cope with that hurt as I once did.  Sometimes it feels like I’m dying.  It’s my alternate response to taking flight and running.  I turn within myself and can’t move on.  Therefore, for me, it’s best that I feel safe, respected, and cared for.  When someone triggers an old feeling from my past, sometimes I can’t move on and I become paralyzed in thought.  If I can remain in a sense of calm, my pain will lessen.  If I am stressed, my physical and emotional pain can become intolerable. Sadly, at those times I no longer feel safe

I live in the best way I am able, one day at a time.

Karen

Comment by Andrea, Montana, on 20 Aug 2009 at 11:11 am

Hi Karen,

I picked up my books for class today including Switching Time. I didn’t start class yet, will do next week but already read your story. Dr. Baer is so great. The book was very informative in details regarding multiple personality disorder. I found your blog. Great that you have one. I would love to study more about you and know this sounds weird but your Dr. Baer. How can I get in touch with him? Will you and he ever agree to meet at a college for an interview? I am a student and have an idea. If I can interview you both, it would stir interest and could possibly boost my grade. Will you consider doing something like that? Where can I send a letter to you and Dr. Baer?

Andrea, Montana

Dear Andrea,

You can write Dr. Baer here on my blog or he’s also on Facebook.  Dr. Baer sees all the questions here, and he will know your letter was meant for him if you address him.  Dr, Baer will keep your letter confidential and it won’t be posted on the blog if you don’t wish it.

Dr. Baer and I could possibly do an interview if the college invited us.  We wondered if any schools would want to do this.  We would love to be interviewed in order to help psychology students become familiar with multiple personality disorder.

Thank your for your insight.

Karen

Comment by Anastascia on 20 Aug 2009 at 10:51 am

Dear Karen,

I like that you answer everyone dear (the persons name) it’s like you accept people from the get-go. I bought Switching Time after reading your blog first. It took me dayssssss, so much you have written. A book before the book. I didn’t mind because you in yourself gave me something to look forward to each day. As a senior citizen sitting in a nursing home in Georgia waiting for rehab after knee surgery it’s been a pleasure to know you. WE never met. But I am happy you visit me in thought each day. A gift, that’s what you are.

As I placed my cup of tea on the table next to my recliner, a usual morning routine that starts my every day, I got comfortable and opened the book. I felt I already knew you personally so the book should be an easy quick read. No, it wasn’t. I sobbed for you, was happy for you, hated your therapist at first then loved him. I had to get up and get another box of tissue because so many emotions came up and went down. I swear at some points I couldn’t breath. At the end I sat still and felt so wonderful I knew God was present.

Did you know that you are truly one of God’s miracles? Yes, you are. I’m sorry that you suffered so. I will pray for you each day until I die. I will pray that no one, I mean no one hurts you in any way ever again. When I go to my final resting place in heaven with our father and become an angel, I will protect your heart until we meet some day in heaven. We may not have met but I love you.

God Bless You my child. Don’t lose your faith.

Anastascia

Dear Anastascia,

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story!  You have touched me more than words can say.  Actually, you brought tears to my eyes on a day I really needed to hear something special. I had been feeling a bit down and wondered whether sharing my story was doing more harm than good.  It must’ve been your timing.  Your words were just what I needed to hear.  Thank you.  I’m sure you were God sent and meant to be the one to write me today.  I will always try my best not to lose my faith.  Thank you for your gentle reminder, and for protecting my heart.

God Bless you.

Karen

Comment by Kerry on 20 Aug 2009 at 11:25 am

Dear Karen.

Two words.  Love you.

Kerry

Dear Kerry,

Two words.  Thank you!

Karen

Comment by Lorraine on 18 Aug 2009 at 10:29 am

Dear Karen,

God, oh God, thank you God for you and Dr. Baer!  I am a christian who received your book nearly a year ago and refused to read it because I believed anything that listed anything about God and the devil, cults and abuse from christian men was something unfathomable.  I believed your story shouldnt have been written. I even cursed Dr. Baer for writing it. Well, fate takes a horrible turn for me and I am now on dyalisis three times a week. Last week I had nothing to read and thought I grabbed another book off my shelf. Instead I grab Switching Time. I felt ill and disappointed that I picked up the wrong book. I thought what will I do for three hours now. Well another lady having dyalisis saw the book and said that it was the most amazing book she read. So I gave your story a chance finally.

Why I write you is to apologize. I’m sorry to have thought badly of you and Dr. Baer. I’m sorry I thought your story shouldnt be written. I’m sorry it took me nearly a year to read it. I’msorry I didn’t appreciate my friend’s gift of this book. Friend, Please accept my apology.

Well, I loved the book! I actually felt your pain along the way and your pain distracted me from my stupid own medical problems. I was so engrossed in your book my three hours flew by and I stayed to finish a chapter before going home and finishing the book in one day. I wanted more and found your blog. Yeah!

God bless you Karen. God bless Dr. Baer to. I will definitely be sharing about your story from now on.

Lorraine, the pessimist

Dear Lorraine,

There’s no need for an apology!  I’m glad that you have written me to share your impression of Switching Time.  I understand you having pessimistic thoughts when you received my story as a gift. There are readers who’ve shared the same. That’s very important for me to know.  It really helps me understand the first thoughts of some of those who’ve felt the same as you.  It’s hard to understand or accept a story like mine, filled with horrific abuse and sadness, unless you read it.

Whenever I share my story with friends, family, or acquaintances, I ask them to finish reading, no matter what, because if they don’t, they will not be able to understand the true miracle of how I survived.

I was very fortunate to land in the hands of a caring psychiatrist, Dr. Baer.  I believe that in itself was not a coincidence, but fate.  I believe Dr. Baer was God sent, and multiplicity, a God sent coping mechanism.  I believe there is a reason for everything and that my story was meant to be shared.  It’s my hope to bring awareness tof what can happen to children who have been abused, and to share what signs to watch for.

I’m sorry that your medical problems cause you to need dialysis, but you are alive and able to receive the help you need to continue on.  In one way, therapy is like that, a chance to live life to the fullest despite the inconvenience of having to overcome an illness.  I hope the many hours per week in dialysis may be well spent by you and be a chance to heal.

Please stay healthy. I wish you all my best in your recovery.  Thank you for your blessings. God Bless you!

Karen

Comment by Nurse Shannon, IL, on 18 Aug 2009 at 9:48 am

Hi Karen, Your answer to nurse K was just what I needed this morning before heading into work. I am a nurse too. I finished reading your story last night and found your blog this morning. I read the last ten q&a and can’t wait to come home tonight to read more.

Today, as I work with the doctors who annoy me I will have a better perspective on who they are and what they do. I not in psych. I work in out-patient surgery. I believe the doctors could be nicer than they are.

Thank you for inspiring my day. Thank you Richard Baer for creating a therapy so well put together with love that one woman gained the strength to survive and lived to share.

Karen, please continue on, you are truly one miracle of the medical world.

Nurse Shannon, IL

Dear Nurse Shannon,

I’m glad to hear that my answer to Nurse K helped you this morning.  Maybe it was meant to be.  I believe there’s a reason for everything.  Isn’t it funny how things appear before us just when we need them? I hope your workday was met with a sense of calm while you met with the doctors you work with. I would love to hear how your day went.

Thank you for your compliments, especially for believing that I am an inspiration, and to Dr. Baer for creating a well put together therapy that helped heal me.

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by L on 18 Aug 2009 at 5:55 am

Hey Karen,

Thank you so much for being there. It truly means a lot to me.

Have you ever had somebody lie to you for months and make you think like they actually give a shit about you and then completely cut you off for no reason?

That’s what he did. He’s just like everybody else he just lies more. I really hate him. I hope that someone does the same the thing to him someday. I want him to feel as bad as I feel right now. It makes me mad to think of him laughing at me. I do have some nice people in my life, but it’s going to take a while for me to trust. I trusted him and he completely shattered it.

Hope all is well with you.

Dear L,

I’m sorry that you have been hurt. Yes, I’ve had someone lie to me. I understand how hurt you feel; I’ve been there, too!  It’s paralyzing, uncalled for, and leaves you shattered.

It’s so hard to trust, especially once your trust has been broken time and again. I continue to have a difficult time with trust.  But when I finally find someone I can trust, it feels good, and is a great accomplishment for me.  Through therapy with Dr. Baer, I learned about trust.  Trust can be the most beautiful feeling in a relationship.  I hope you find someone one day you can trust again. Please give yourself time to heal.

I know you want him to feel as bad as you do.  Just remember not to say something that you may regret later. Step back, take a deep breath, and breathe until those dark thoughts pass. Then you may have a better vision of all that’s happened.  Sometimes, when feeling hurt, bigger and more regretful mistakes follow.  See him for who he is.  You are special and need to be respected.  I’ve made mistakes on this myself, but I do try my best.

I understand your pain.  Let’s hope you have a better day…

Wishing you all my best,

Karen

Comment by SP on 17 Aug 2009 at 9:57 am

Dear Karen,

I know that you live near Chicago.  I know Dr. Baer lives in Chicago.  Was it difficult to work together living so far away from each other?  I read the front and back of the book.  Amazing.  Now I want to know more so I can answer the study questions at the end.  It was a good thing Dr. Baer put in an index.  I already had to refer to it.  Thank him for me.  I will be starting the middle soon.  Kind of wanted to wish you well before I do.  I will write again later.  Bless you.

SP

Dear SP,

No, it wasn’t difficult working together because we didn’t live that far away from each other.  At the beginning, Dr. Baer had an office in the south suburbs of Chicago nearer where I lived.  Later, I traveled approximately twenty miles, from suburb to city, for my sessions.  The only hard part was dealing with city traffic and paying for parking.

Thank you for complimenting my story and wishing me well before you finish reading the book.  I find it interesting that you read the front and back and now will read the middle.  I’m glad Dr. Baer added the index, too!  I believe the index is quite useful for students, doctors, and our readers to quickly look up a part of the book they may wish to ponder or discuss.  I will send your thank you to Dr. Baer.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts when you finish the middle.

Karen

Comment by Ken on 17 Aug 2009 at 9:44 am

Hi Karen,

Great survival technique! Yeah! Can you and Baer patent your therapy success for future doctors to go by?

Ken

Dear Ken,

What a great compliment!  I’m sure Dr. Baer would appreciate hearing that!  It’s important for doctors to know that his treatment of me worked and to recognize the benefits of treating a patient like me long term.  It would be great if doctors around the world recognized his effort and work, and possibly added it to their own work with patients.

Patent a therapy?  I have no idea.  I’ve never thought therapy needs a patent. Maybe some day Switching Time will be used during classes of future psychiatrists and therapists coming into practice. That would be an honor for Dr. Baer and his work with me

Thank you for you optimism!

Karen

Comment by Betty on 17 Aug 2009 at 9:43 am

Karen, what does it feel like without the alters?

Betty

Dear Betty,

I feel alive.  I never lost an alter through integration, my alters are me.  We are one and the same.  As each alter integrated and merged within me, I grew more complete.  I gained their sense of self in addition to me.  Each alter was one part of me, now each alter is blended within me and I am one woman with a variety of interests.

I admit, there were a few moments that I wished an alter would take over when I felt stressed, but now there’s no need.  I’ve become quite used to being without their individuality.  There are days I may feel a bit more like one of the alters than another, like Sandy when I deal with my mother, Katherine when I need to organize, Holdon when I’m driving and can find some place without a map, etc., but the alters are no longer a separate part of me.  I am all of them.

Thank you for your question.

Karen