Comment by Thomas on 08 April 2009 at 6:09 pm

Karen, you must have been exhausted during therapy. How did you survive digging up your past. Did the therapy process cause you to have nightmares? How did you deal with your grief?

Dear Thomas,

Yes, I was exhausted during my many years in therapy. I was exhausted after each session. I can recall sessions when I felt as if I’d undergone surgery. Therapy can be tedious and slow moving, causing prolonged grief. Therapy for multiplicity is not only hard work but takes a toll on the multiple’s entire family, and the doctor who treats her.  After each session I would arrive home and literally collapse into my bed. I couldn’t clean, cook, or enjoy a movie with my children without fear of falling asleep.

On session days I would order a pizza or bring home some fast food and pray the television would provide at least an hour or two of entertainment for my children so that I could recover. By the next day, most of my strength had returned and I felt a bit of weight removed from my shoulders. Dr. Baer and I worked very hard over a period of eighteen years, to chip away a lifetime of hurt that burdened me. One may wonder why one needs to drag up the past in order to move forward, but I believe it’s a necessary step to let go of the past and encourage future growth.

Of course, my nightmares where never pleasant. I believe my nightmares came from the mixing of my past, present, and future concerns. Most of the time I’d share the really horrific dreams with Dr. Baer and he would help me see the reason I may have dreamt such horror. Together we did this back and forth, for an exhausting eighteen years, in a time consuming effort to heal my inner pain. I dealt with my grief one day at a time.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Jen on 08 April 2009 at 11:23 am

What ever happened to your brothers? Did they know about the abuse? Did you ever discuss it with your family.

I just finished the book and I’m starting all over again. How facinating your life is. Most people would have never survived the abuse, and you found a way to cope. Sounds to me like an easier way to cope with life than most people are capable of. I’m just so engrossed in this.

Jen

Dear Jen,

My brothers are doing well, and yes, they knew that I was abused. However, I had never shared the details with them. My brothers were younger than me and my need to protect them prevented me from revealing what I felt they shouldn’t know. My brothers were abused, too, not in a sexual way but definitely physically and emotionally.  As children, my brothers and I were terrified of our father. We feared setting him off and prayed that he would fall asleep after dinner so that we could be at peace.  We always wished him dead.

Whenever our father was alone with us he was angry, lashed out, and beat us for the slightest wrongs, such as not washing one fork or forgetting to make him ice tea. There was no way to know what we would be beaten for. We tried to be as perfect as we could be, hoping that my father might be nicer to us if we were, but that was something that never happened. When my mother was home, there was a lot of arguing between them, but less abuse from the hands of our father.

My brothers and I coped in different ways. I dissociated and became a multiple, one brother spent most of his time in sports in an effort to stay away from home, and the other spent most of his time alone, building models and tuning out the world.

Thank you for sharing that you are re-reading Switching Time. I appreciate your encouraging words regarding my surviving abuse and my ability to cope, however, please know that it’s never been easy and it all came with many consequences. There are days when I struggle. The difference is that now I know and understand where I came from and try my best to deal with it logically. It doesn’t always work, but I do try my best.

Multiplicity continues to me a mystery to me. I may have survived it but there is so much left to learn. It is my hope the medical world continues to research multiplicity. For it is real, just as I am real.

Karen

Comment by Lisa on 07 April 2009 at 4:06 pm

Dear Karen,

I like your new site. Do you still have bad days that cause you to hate people?  I am a multiple, (I love your word for us) and I integrated three out of my ten alters. I suffer from anxiety. I never did before. Did you and do you still?

Lisa, Oregon

Dear Lisa,

Of course I still have a bad day now and then, but I really can’t say I hate anyone. There may be people who disappoint me by being arrogant, disrespectful, and hurtful, but I see these people now as having their own issues. What angry people project onto others is simply their own fears and frustrations. Walk away from them.

There are times when I do feel anxious. Life is not that easy for anyone who had once suffered from abuse. I try to do my best to calm myself down and think through what may have caused me to feel anxious in the first place. Most likely something happened that I couldn’t control. Once I understand and realize what it was, I settle down.

Please don’t give up. You have mentioned you are in the process of integrating your alters. I recall being very anxious during that time. There’s a lot going on within you, many changes, memories resurfacing, feelings of inadequacy and frustration. It’s not an easy time for you. Take care of yourself first and rest often. I found myself very exhausted during integration. Many people who hadn’t annoyed me started to get under my every last nerve. I required more sleep and less distraction from the outside world. Now is a time for healing. Trust me, be gentle with yourself.

Wishing you a safe and healing journey ahead.

Karen

Comment by Melanie Fitzgerald on 04 April 2009 at 3:57pm

Karen,

Hi! I was happy to view yours and Richard Baer’s GMA video. I never got to see it before. I tried to ask you a question but it doesn’t work right. I got your email address off the usot show board. is that a problem? Were Richard Baer and you going to be on any more shows. I watched CBS and Herschel Walker was a guest on the same show with the cast of usot. I was sad that it wasn’t you since you are the only one helping all of us understand. Why didn’t your publicity team have you appear with Richard Baer? It would’ve been awesome.

Melanie Fitzgerald

Dear Melanie,

Thank you sharing that our newly revised web site has been helpful in viewing the Good Morning America interview on Dr. Baer and myself. We will be adding more as we move along. Please share with us any future concerns or requests for added information. Dr. Baer and I appreciate your support.

I don’t mind that you wrote to me on my Karen email address that is listed on the USoT Message Board, however, it’s best you ask any questions through our Switching Time blog. I believe each question asked is important and needs to be shared with all. There may be other readers who wish to ask the same or similar questions. It’s my hope that my answers help all understand multiplicity.

Regarding the short piece on CBS with the USoT cast and Herschel Walker, I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed to see Herschel speak on DID, when I really don’t believe he suffers from the illness. Perhaps Herschell had been abused in some way, however, in his book there wasn’t enough evidence to lead me to believe he needed to create alters as a coping mechanism. If you read both books, his and ours, you will see the difference. Herschel’s book is a great football story, but it is not an accurate depiction of a true multiplicity case.

I’m not sure why my story wasn’t chosen to accompany the USoT interview on CBS. I believe I may not have been chosen because I am real, and USoT is a show. Maybe Herschel’s story was a good companion? Unreal vs. unreal?  My comments on the USoT message board come from my personal desire to bring the reality of  MPD/DID. to light.  I believe my comments help some posters come to a better understanding of a complex, almost incomprehensible illness.

Thank you for believing Dr. Baer and I would’ve been an awesome asset to accompany USoT. We appreciate your encouraging thoughts.

Karen

Comment by Lindsey Peterson on 06 Apr 2009 at 3:40 pm

I read your book after my mom did. How sad for your mom not to care about you enough to help do something to put away your father and grandfather and his people in jail. What kind of mom gives up on their child and not help them? Have your ever known another mother like her?

The book taught me never to take advantage of anyone’s life by hurting them. I never thought how people hurt when treated badly. I have been known to bully others and now think I will stop immediately.

Thank you for telling your doctor your story and letting him tell it again. I am seventeen and a junior in high school.

Lindsey

Dear Lindsey,

I have asked myself your question time and again. Unfortunately, I may never know why my own mother chose to ignore the signs of my being abused. That is one reason why I decided to share my story, hoping to bring awareness not only to all parents, but to all people who come into contact with children they may suspect are being abused. If my daughter had been abused, I would surely have contacted the authorities and have her abusers thrown in jail, where they’d belong. I often wonder how many other children may have been abused by my father and grandfather because they were not imprisoned.

My mother had a different idea of caring; the house would be spotless, we had breakfast, lunch, and dinner served on time every day, and we never appeared unkempt or dirty. On the surface, my mother could’ve received an award for being the “perfect” mom. Yet, there I was, a child being abused right in front of her eyes, and she ignored me. This type of hurt is so painful.  I may have forgiven her, but I’ll never forget the emotional neglect she caused.

I am glad to hear that you stopped being a bully. It’s important to be empathetic to those who may seem a little different than you. Bullying another student can cause many ill effects, especially if that student had been abused. I believe those who have been abused have low self-esteem, and it shows. If you ever see someone on the down and out, befriend them. You may find that they really need a friend, someone who can help boost their self-esteem and encourage positive change. Remember, one act of kindness at a time can change the world.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Shirley M.on 04 Apr 2009 at 7:46 am

dear karen, during all your childhood years did you have a best friend? If you did, did you share your pain with her? Are you still friends? Someone who hurt as you did must’ve felt all alone. i was reading this book firefly lane and out of nowhere started thinking about you. The story you shared is an important one but i would like to read the real story behind the story you doctor wrote. really, please write your own version. it would be a great asset to accompany switching time.

Dear Shirley,

You ask some very interesting questions? I will try to answer them in the best way possible.

During my childhood I had very few outside friends due to my father not allowing me out of his sight. I did, however, manage to make friends with two girls, each of them did not know of each other, and I maintained both relationships individually. One friend lived down the block and knew me quite well, minus the details of my being abused. Sadly, this friend moved away when I was in the seventh grade. We enjoyed each others friendship but lost contact. I’ve never seen her again.

My second best friend came from grade school. We had known each other from pre-school until college. During grade school, we were together whenever we could be without my father knowing. During high school, we were inseparable. We spent each and every school day together, took many classes together, performed in plays together, and played the same instruments in the band. If one of us was without the other, everyone would asked where the other one was. She knew that things were not so great for me at home. We talked about many things, but out of shame I left out the details. She knew that I was being abused because she saw my bruises.

I also read the book Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah. It was an amazing book! And yes, the friendship of the two girls was similar to my experience with my best friend. I was like Kate, my friend so like Tully. Yet, as different as we were we managed to care for each other. Sadly I haven’t seen her for over thirty years. I have talked with her and we email back and forth at times. Unfortunately, the reality of life changed us. I did not share that I am Karen in the book Switching Time. Maybe some day I will share with her, in person.

What I most admired about Firefly Lane was the story’s purpose, to share awareness of breast cancer.  The story brought awareness to all women who read it and in the same way, it’s my hope for Switching Time to do the same. 

Thank you for asking such thought provoking questions.

Karen

Comment by Elizabeth on 03 Apr 2009 at 12:23 pm

Hi Karen,

Not sure if you get my question? This new page is hard to get onto. I found a way I think? Testing to see if you get my question.

The last episode of USoT aired last Sunday. What do you and Richard Baer think? I love, just love, love, love your comments! A natural, true life real multiple, that you are!

Thanks to you people like me can understand more.

Elizabeth, one of your groupies HaHa!

Dear Elizabeth,

Yes, I received your question! We are working on getting our newly revised site up and running. As with everything, there were a few problems to iron out and take care of once we went live. I’m sure once we work them out you’ll find it helpful. Please continue to share your thoughts. We hope to have our site easily accessible.

Regarding the last episode of United States of Tara, yes, I did watch it. It was interesting, and as you know, I had left my comments on the USoT message board. I enjoy the challenge of the posters who ask for my opinions. I’m glad you enjoy reading my comments here on our site and also on the USoT board. It’s my hope to help in the best way I can.

Thank you for caring and writing to express your thoughts and concerns. I truly appreciate hearing that my comments bring some understanding to multiplicity.

Karen

Comment by DK on March 30, 2009 2:04 am

Thank you for responding to my earlier comment. I have learned lots from your responses to others about DID/MPD that helps me better understand the many behaviors, issues, experiences I’ve been having.
I’m wondering if you had experiences of lost time that resulted in loss of details about things you’ve agreed to do or things you’ve put someplace and then suddenly find they’re gone. For example, the other day I thought I had put a lot of change in my coat pocket. I hung my coat at work and when I went to grab the change it was gone. I checked all the places I might usually put money but it was gone. It wasn’t a lot of money but it’s the ‘not knowing’ if I put it someplace, spent it, found a new place to put it and don’t know or if it was stolen that bothers me. My husband suggested reporting the loss to our security people but I can’t because I can’t be sure the money was even there. I won’t argue with people when they say I said I would do something because my memory of events and details is not reliable at this time. Prior to a major break down several years ago that resulted in a breakdown in coping strategies within my system, I would have known if I put the money in my pocket or agreed to something. (Maybe that’s because prior to system failure I was operating with primarily one or two parts rather than parts that number into the teens) I feel like I can’t trust myself as a result and find this to be very frustrating. We’ve tried in therapy to find ways to improve more cohesive communication but there’s a few parts inside that are quite resistant to this and seem to be able to interfere with awareness..
Does this improve with integration and are there any particular strategies you used to deal with ensuring information was maintained system wide?
I can’t tell you how important it has been to me, at this time, to know there’s at least one other person who has worked their way through what feels at times like a hopeless mess! Many of the other books/stories just do not fit with my experiences. I can be greatful for a wonderful therapist, supportive husband, child and work colleagues who don’t know about my DID but take me whatever way I am, appreciating my skills and letting my idiosyncrasies slide.
DK

Dear DK,

You’re welcome! Yes, I’ve had many episodes when something would disappear because an alter would move it. Being a multiple is not easy and comes with many moments of temporary confusion. I can certainly understand your frustration. I’ve been there, too!

It’s frustrating not recalling the minor details that come naturally for those who do not suffer from multiplicity. It’s also hard to trust when you’re not sure whether someone has betrayed you. I never called the police to report anything for fear of possibly making a mistake. As a multiple, it’s best not to jump to conclusions and make false accusations unless you’re absolutely sure you’ve been wronged.

Once, while working in a drug store during the night shift, I was attacked by someone who tried to break into the pharmacy. I knew that I was attacked because of my visible wounds, the store camera record, and my alter, Miles, telling Dr. Baer the details. However, when filing the police report, I wanted to be very careful not to expose my multiplicity. I wasn’t sure of all the details of the attack and felt it was best keep quiet.

Integration proved to be a blessing to me. I was able to see an improvement in my memory after each merger. The process of integration took me eighteen months, but once fully integrated, I regained all knowledge of those little missing pieces of my life. My alters were like pieces of a puzzle–and once integrated, they became locked together so that I could become one complete woman. My therapeutic relationship lasted eighteen years. I know this may sound like a very long time, but don’t despair, each case is different just as each of us is unique. For me, I needed that time.

I’m glad to hear you have a great support system. Having a wonderful therapist is very important to your healing. It’s sounds like you are right in the middle of making changes. I’m not a therapist and can’t give advice, but integration worked for me. I wish you a safe journey as you continue to heal.

Karen

Comment by BHJ MD on March 28, 2009 8:43 pm

Karen,

I find you fascinating and quite knowledgeable. I found your comments on the USoT message board quite useful in my practice. As a therapist I appreciate your concern in not claiming to be a professional. It’s quite thoughtful and sincere of you to share from your personal experiences. In fifteen years of medical school I have learned more from your input on D.I.D. than what was covered in text. I’d like to commend you for your effort to help. I have met Richard Baer. What he did was no easy task. As a medical professional I would have transfered you and treat only the medicinal part of your therapy. IMO it took two. You and Richard Baer.

BHJ MD

Dear BHJ MD,

Thank you for all your compliments, especially in sharing that you have learned much about the illness through my answering questions. The main reason Dr. Baer and I shared our story in Switching Time was to bring awareness to the illness, multiplicity, in an accurate way. It has always been our hope to help others in the best way we could.

I am glad you met Dr. Baer and felt inspired by what he accomplished in his treatment of me. Although his task may have been difficult, you are right, it took the two of us to accomplish the miracle of healing me.  It was definitely impossible for me to heal from my past abuse on my own. I needed help. I had endured so much that I never thought I’d be alive today.  Dr. Baer never once gave up on me. I will always be grateful.  I believe we each benefited from our work together by respecting each other for who we are.

Thank you for being honest sharing that you would refer a patient like me to someone else. That’s a very important part of being a therapist, to know at the beginning of treatment that you couldn’t deal with someone like me. Dr. Baer hesitated at first, but then took me on wholeheartedly. If Dr. Baer had sent me off to another therapist after working with me for awhile, I would’ve ended my life. Multiples like me don’t take rejection well. It’s always best to cut off the therapy, if necessary, early on with a multiple, before the multiple starts to build trust with the therapist. Any doctor who choses to treat a multiple needs to know this. Otherwise, the pain endured will devastate the multiple forever, and may even lead to the multiple’s death by suicide.  

Karen

Comment by Kimberly on March 27, 2009 7:24 pm

Thank you, Karen Overhill!

You have helped me with your advice. I didnt think of the things you said. I took your advice and called a child protection welfare agency and asked the questions brought on by your answer. I carefully chose each question before making my call. I wrote them down. I was shocked that they said exactly what you said, almost word for word. You should be a counselor. I chose to leave my name because I needed to hear feedback to rest. I was relieved to find the child in question suffers from a medical condition that scares her into having nightmares. The child is hooked up to a machine every night that monitors her breathing. I don’t know details except she stops breathing alot. I was assured she was okay. I was thanked for being concerned. The parents of the girl never knew I called. But they told the case worker to thank me. I feel your advice saved the day. Thank you. Keep on truckin! I am happy you can help people who are confused.

Kimberly

Dear Kimberly,

Thank you for writing back and sharing your experience. I’m glad to hear you did the right thing. I’m sure you are relieved to know the truth about what you heard. I admire you for what you’ve done. I know how hard it must’ve been to pick up the phone and make that call to share your thought that a child was being abused, but you did!  That was a good thing. I’m glad all turned out well.

We need more people like you to be aware of suspected child abuse. In this case, it turned out to be a medical condition, but it may not have been, and you could’ve saved the child from further harm. I am also glad the girl’s parents acted in a responsible way by cooperating with the case worker and telling her to thank you for being concerned. I would hope all people would act that way, to not take offense, but to be grateful that someone cared enough to check out suspected abuse.

Thank you for being a good neighbor and caring enough to share.

Karen