Comment by Lisa on 07 April 2009 at 4:06 pm

Dear Karen,

I like your new site. Do you still have bad days that cause you to hate people?  I am a multiple, (I love your word for us) and I integrated three out of my ten alters. I suffer from anxiety. I never did before. Did you and do you still?

Lisa, Oregon

Dear Lisa,

Of course I still have a bad day now and then, but I really can’t say I hate anyone. There may be people who disappoint me by being arrogant, disrespectful, and hurtful, but I see these people now as having their own issues. What angry people project onto others is simply their own fears and frustrations. Walk away from them.

There are times when I do feel anxious. Life is not that easy for anyone who had once suffered from abuse. I try to do my best to calm myself down and think through what may have caused me to feel anxious in the first place. Most likely something happened that I couldn’t control. Once I understand and realize what it was, I settle down.

Please don’t give up. You have mentioned you are in the process of integrating your alters. I recall being very anxious during that time. There’s a lot going on within you, many changes, memories resurfacing, feelings of inadequacy and frustration. It’s not an easy time for you. Take care of yourself first and rest often. I found myself very exhausted during integration. Many people who hadn’t annoyed me started to get under my every last nerve. I required more sleep and less distraction from the outside world. Now is a time for healing. Trust me, be gentle with yourself.

Wishing you a safe and healing journey ahead.

Karen

Comment by Melanie Fitzgerald on 04 April 2009 at 3:57pm

Karen,

Hi! I was happy to view yours and Richard Baer’s GMA video. I never got to see it before. I tried to ask you a question but it doesn’t work right. I got your email address off the usot show board. is that a problem? Were Richard Baer and you going to be on any more shows. I watched CBS and Herschel Walker was a guest on the same show with the cast of usot. I was sad that it wasn’t you since you are the only one helping all of us understand. Why didn’t your publicity team have you appear with Richard Baer? It would’ve been awesome.

Melanie Fitzgerald

Dear Melanie,

Thank you sharing that our newly revised web site has been helpful in viewing the Good Morning America interview on Dr. Baer and myself. We will be adding more as we move along. Please share with us any future concerns or requests for added information. Dr. Baer and I appreciate your support.

I don’t mind that you wrote to me on my Karen email address that is listed on the USoT Message Board, however, it’s best you ask any questions through our Switching Time blog. I believe each question asked is important and needs to be shared with all. There may be other readers who wish to ask the same or similar questions. It’s my hope that my answers help all understand multiplicity.

Regarding the short piece on CBS with the USoT cast and Herschel Walker, I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed to see Herschel speak on DID, when I really don’t believe he suffers from the illness. Perhaps Herschell had been abused in some way, however, in his book there wasn’t enough evidence to lead me to believe he needed to create alters as a coping mechanism. If you read both books, his and ours, you will see the difference. Herschel’s book is a great football story, but it is not an accurate depiction of a true multiplicity case.

I’m not sure why my story wasn’t chosen to accompany the USoT interview on CBS. I believe I may not have been chosen because I am real, and USoT is a show. Maybe Herschel’s story was a good companion? Unreal vs. unreal?  My comments on the USoT message board come from my personal desire to bring the reality of  MPD/DID. to light.  I believe my comments help some posters come to a better understanding of a complex, almost incomprehensible illness.

Thank you for believing Dr. Baer and I would’ve been an awesome asset to accompany USoT. We appreciate your encouraging thoughts.

Karen

Comment by Lindsey Peterson on 06 Apr 2009 at 3:40 pm

I read your book after my mom did. How sad for your mom not to care about you enough to help do something to put away your father and grandfather and his people in jail. What kind of mom gives up on their child and not help them? Have your ever known another mother like her?

The book taught me never to take advantage of anyone’s life by hurting them. I never thought how people hurt when treated badly. I have been known to bully others and now think I will stop immediately.

Thank you for telling your doctor your story and letting him tell it again. I am seventeen and a junior in high school.

Lindsey

Dear Lindsey,

I have asked myself your question time and again. Unfortunately, I may never know why my own mother chose to ignore the signs of my being abused. That is one reason why I decided to share my story, hoping to bring awareness not only to all parents, but to all people who come into contact with children they may suspect are being abused. If my daughter had been abused, I would surely have contacted the authorities and have her abusers thrown in jail, where they’d belong. I often wonder how many other children may have been abused by my father and grandfather because they were not imprisoned.

My mother had a different idea of caring; the house would be spotless, we had breakfast, lunch, and dinner served on time every day, and we never appeared unkempt or dirty. On the surface, my mother could’ve received an award for being the “perfect” mom. Yet, there I was, a child being abused right in front of her eyes, and she ignored me. This type of hurt is so painful.  I may have forgiven her, but I’ll never forget the emotional neglect she caused.

I am glad to hear that you stopped being a bully. It’s important to be empathetic to those who may seem a little different than you. Bullying another student can cause many ill effects, especially if that student had been abused. I believe those who have been abused have low self-esteem, and it shows. If you ever see someone on the down and out, befriend them. You may find that they really need a friend, someone who can help boost their self-esteem and encourage positive change. Remember, one act of kindness at a time can change the world.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Lynn on 06 Apr 2009 at 12:52 pm

When you integrated your first alter did you think you should stop further integrations of your other alters. In the book it was hard on you. Why would you want to suffer more?

Dear Lynn,

I admit, after my first alter integrated I had a few second thoughts, however within a few weeks I felt much better.  I never expected to feel the pain of what each alter suffered, but I did and that pain quickly subsided.  I was afraid I would be so different that I would not be recognizable to people who knew me, nor recognize myself. That proved to be the wrong assumption. Actually, not only did I feel like myself, I felt stronger and able to understand more of why I created alters in the first place.  There’s something peaceful in knowing why you feel the way you do. The process was closure for me.

Merging memories together from each alter after each integration proved to be an asset.  The first to integrate may have been the most difficult because of the unexpected and the unknown. As time passed, after each alter merged, I felt more whole. I became one woman with a variety of interests. My suffering during each integration was minor compared to the suffering I once felt from alter chaos.    

Dr. Baer and I had no idea how integration would affect me.  We decided to try and in the end, we were pleased with our success.

Thank you for your question.

Karen

Comment by Shirley M.on 04 Apr 2009 at 7:46 am

dear karen, during all your childhood years did you have a best friend? If you did, did you share your pain with her? Are you still friends? Someone who hurt as you did must’ve felt all alone. i was reading this book firefly lane and out of nowhere started thinking about you. The story you shared is an important one but i would like to read the real story behind the story you doctor wrote. really, please write your own version. it would be a great asset to accompany switching time.

Dear Shirley,

You ask some very interesting questions? I will try to answer them in the best way possible.

During my childhood I had very few outside friends due to my father not allowing me out of his sight. I did, however, manage to make friends with two girls, each of them did not know of each other, and I maintained both relationships individually. One friend lived down the block and knew me quite well, minus the details of my being abused. Sadly, this friend moved away when I was in the seventh grade. We enjoyed each others friendship but lost contact. I’ve never seen her again.

My second best friend came from grade school. We had known each other from pre-school until college. During grade school, we were together whenever we could be without my father knowing. During high school, we were inseparable. We spent each and every school day together, took many classes together, performed in plays together, and played the same instruments in the band. If one of us was without the other, everyone would asked where the other one was. She knew that things were not so great for me at home. We talked about many things, but out of shame I left out the details. She knew that I was being abused because she saw my bruises.

I also read the book Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah. It was an amazing book! And yes, the friendship of the two girls was similar to my experience with my best friend. I was like Kate, my friend so like Tully. Yet, as different as we were we managed to care for each other. Sadly I haven’t seen her for over thirty years. I have talked with her and we email back and forth at times. Unfortunately, the reality of life changed us. I did not share that I am Karen in the book Switching Time. Maybe some day I will share with her, in person.

What I most admired about Firefly Lane was the story’s purpose, to share awareness of breast cancer.  The story brought awareness to all women who read it and in the same way, it’s my hope for Switching Time to do the same. 

Thank you for asking such thought provoking questions.

Karen

Comment by Elizabeth on 03 Apr 2009 at 12:23 pm

Hi Karen,

Not sure if you get my question? This new page is hard to get onto. I found a way I think? Testing to see if you get my question.

The last episode of USoT aired last Sunday. What do you and Richard Baer think? I love, just love, love, love your comments! A natural, true life real multiple, that you are!

Thanks to you people like me can understand more.

Elizabeth, one of your groupies HaHa!

Dear Elizabeth,

Yes, I received your question! We are working on getting our newly revised site up and running. As with everything, there were a few problems to iron out and take care of once we went live. I’m sure once we work them out you’ll find it helpful. Please continue to share your thoughts. We hope to have our site easily accessible.

Regarding the last episode of United States of Tara, yes, I did watch it. It was interesting, and as you know, I had left my comments on the USoT message board. I enjoy the challenge of the posters who ask for my opinions. I’m glad you enjoy reading my comments here on our site and also on the USoT board. It’s my hope to help in the best way I can.

Thank you for caring and writing to express your thoughts and concerns. I truly appreciate hearing that my comments bring some understanding to multiplicity.

Karen

Comment by DK on March 30, 2009 2:04 am

Thank you for responding to my earlier comment. I have learned lots from your responses to others about DID/MPD that helps me better understand the many behaviors, issues, experiences I’ve been having.
I’m wondering if you had experiences of lost time that resulted in loss of details about things you’ve agreed to do or things you’ve put someplace and then suddenly find they’re gone. For example, the other day I thought I had put a lot of change in my coat pocket. I hung my coat at work and when I went to grab the change it was gone. I checked all the places I might usually put money but it was gone. It wasn’t a lot of money but it’s the ‘not knowing’ if I put it someplace, spent it, found a new place to put it and don’t know or if it was stolen that bothers me. My husband suggested reporting the loss to our security people but I can’t because I can’t be sure the money was even there. I won’t argue with people when they say I said I would do something because my memory of events and details is not reliable at this time. Prior to a major break down several years ago that resulted in a breakdown in coping strategies within my system, I would have known if I put the money in my pocket or agreed to something. (Maybe that’s because prior to system failure I was operating with primarily one or two parts rather than parts that number into the teens) I feel like I can’t trust myself as a result and find this to be very frustrating. We’ve tried in therapy to find ways to improve more cohesive communication but there’s a few parts inside that are quite resistant to this and seem to be able to interfere with awareness..
Does this improve with integration and are there any particular strategies you used to deal with ensuring information was maintained system wide?
I can’t tell you how important it has been to me, at this time, to know there’s at least one other person who has worked their way through what feels at times like a hopeless mess! Many of the other books/stories just do not fit with my experiences. I can be greatful for a wonderful therapist, supportive husband, child and work colleagues who don’t know about my DID but take me whatever way I am, appreciating my skills and letting my idiosyncrasies slide.
DK

Dear DK,

You’re welcome! Yes, I’ve had many episodes when something would disappear because an alter would move it. Being a multiple is not easy and comes with many moments of temporary confusion. I can certainly understand your frustration. I’ve been there, too!

It’s frustrating not recalling the minor details that come naturally for those who do not suffer from multiplicity. It’s also hard to trust when you’re not sure whether someone has betrayed you. I never called the police to report anything for fear of possibly making a mistake. As a multiple, it’s best not to jump to conclusions and make false accusations unless you’re absolutely sure you’ve been wronged.

Once, while working in a drug store during the night shift, I was attacked by someone who tried to break into the pharmacy. I knew that I was attacked because of my visible wounds, the store camera record, and my alter, Miles, telling Dr. Baer the details. However, when filing the police report, I wanted to be very careful not to expose my multiplicity. I wasn’t sure of all the details of the attack and felt it was best keep quiet.

Integration proved to be a blessing to me. I was able to see an improvement in my memory after each merger. The process of integration took me eighteen months, but once fully integrated, I regained all knowledge of those little missing pieces of my life. My alters were like pieces of a puzzle–and once integrated, they became locked together so that I could become one complete woman. My therapeutic relationship lasted eighteen years. I know this may sound like a very long time, but don’t despair, each case is different just as each of us is unique. For me, I needed that time.

I’m glad to hear you have a great support system. Having a wonderful therapist is very important to your healing. It’s sounds like you are right in the middle of making changes. I’m not a therapist and can’t give advice, but integration worked for me. I wish you a safe journey as you continue to heal.

Karen