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Archive for June, 2009
Richard Baer on Jun 18th 2009
Comment by Gillian on 14 Jun 2009 at 11:52 am
Don’t stop believing in yourself. I almost did. Instead at my worst moment I picked up your book and decided it would be just what I needed to finally suicide. I couldn’t put your book aside until I read it all. I changed my mind tonight thanks for saving my life even when you don’t know me. I figured it this way if you can live after all you went through I should be able to live with the nothings that I want to suicide over. My grief comes from hurting so badly afer my husband told me he never loved me. My husband is gay and just wanted me for his wife as a cover so that no one would suspect anything other than a normal couple. I was at the point of believing I was unloveable when I read ST. Thank you again for allowing people like me into your life to see things can’t be that bad..
Thank you. I will find a therapist to talk to on Monday.
Gillian, South Dakota
Dear Gillian,
Thank you for your encouraging words. I’m glad that Switching Time helped with your decision to continue on and not suicide. I am glad that there was something in my story that brought you out of your despair. Please don’t let your dark thoughts go without proper care. It’s important to talk through what you have experienced with a trained therapist.
There are still days when I struggle to get through. What’s important for me is to take a few deep breaths and allow myself space until those dark thoughts pass. What appeared to be so troubling and devastating usually winds up being a temporary setback. Once I realize this I’m usually ready to face the day.
I empathize with your pain from being told that you are not loved. I’m sorry that your husband hurt you in that way. I would’ve felt devastated, too. Please remember that your husband betraying your trust had nothing to do with you being unloveable. Not your fault. It was his choice. I’m not a therapist, but In my opinion your husband took advantage of you to cover up his homosexuality until he decided to come out. What a selfish act on his part.
I’m so glad to hear that you chose to seek help and find a therapist. I wish you all my best for a safe journey to rediscovering your beautiful self.
Take care.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 18th 2009
Comment by Nikki Rallonza from the Philippines on 13 Jun 2009 at 10:28 pm
hi karen…i haven’t read your book but i know that its a really terrifying experience for you not knowing what happen to you when you loose track of time…I’ve been reading books about people who are multiple personality and admire all of you because you were all able to fight and look for help so that you can change you life and be a whole person again.
good luck to you and wish you the best….
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Dear Nikki,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts before reading Switching Time. I believe this is a first for me, to answer someone before they’ve read the book. Thank you empathizing with my story. Yes, living with multiplicity was a terrifying experience, as was losing time, but I did have the help of my alters.
Survival takes strength. Without alter help and the guidance of my therapist, Dr. Baer, I wouldn’t have survived. I was fortunate to have found Dr. Baer to accompany me on my journey to becoming one. It’s my hope for all who seek help to find the right therapist to accompany them on their own journey.
Thank you for your compliments; each one is greatly appreciated.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 18th 2009
Comment by Rhiannon on 13 Jun 2009 at 2:06 am
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! What a horrific way to live your childhood and early adulthood! But you are an incredible woman, and you’ve gained so much from your experiences.
Kudos to Dr. Baer for never giving up on you!! What an amazing person he must be.
I read your story out of curiosity, as I’ve always been fascinated by dissociative identity disorder. I would recommend this book to anyone who is even remotely interested in this topic.
Thank you, again, for sharing!! It’s painfully obvious how difficult your life has been, but through it all you’ve managed to turn your life around and make your story a positive model for all who read this!
You ARE amazing! Don’t ever doubt that!
Dear Rhiannon,
Thank you for your compliments! My childhood was indeed horrific, but as a child I didn’t really think about it that way. By dissociating the trauma and abuse as a young child, I was able to live each day out of much of the awareness of being abused. I believe that multiplicity, the creation of alternate personalities through dissociation as a coping mechanism, was God sent. My alters functioned for me during childhood, but the same way of coping could not protect me as an adult.
As an adult, alter chaos caused me much stress. It was then I knew I needed to seek help and that losing time was not normal. I had always thought my lost time was ordinary, and that everyone lost time. When a traumatic experience, such as being strapped down during my cesarean section, without adequate anesthesia, the alters were triggered back into action to help me survive.
I will always be grateful to my alters for helping me survive the extent of my abuse as a child, however, as an adult my alters were no longer needed and living with them caused more problems than they helped. For me to live as one woman, my alters needed to integrate.
And, yes, Dr. Baer is an amazing person to have never given up on me. I don’t know what I would’ve done if he had given up on me, or worse, sent me off to another therapist after I had built trust and rapport with him. I’m sure I wouldn’t be here today, trying to help others, along with myself. It takes great courage for any doctor to step up and take care of a patient like me. I am the lucky one.
Thank you again for your encouraging words; they truly mean a lot to me. And thank you for recommending Switching Time.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 13th 2009
Comment by DK on 08 Jun 2009 at 11:17 pm
Once again you so succinctly put into words my experience with DID/MPD! Until this blog/you, I’ve never met or spoken to someone with this disorder and your responses make me feel ‘normal’ for the first time in my life! Normal for someone who has lived with a complex often confusing spectrum of behaviors and characteristics, as is seen in DID/MPD.
I too have never used drugs (often times including prescription medications) or alcohol because of their affect on me. Prescription medications are the most frustrating to deal with because I often tell the doctor you can’t give me the adult dose it has to be lower because of how it affects me – I’ve only recently come to understand that was because sometimes kid parts were out front and sometimes adult parts. It’s not unusual to have very inconsistent results for medications from day to day or hour to hour – very frustrating for the psychiatrist I worked with initially who did not believe in DID/MPD. If parts are waring inside and I develop an all too frequent headache, medication will not even work at all – angry parts seem to blow the medication off altogether. The only solution is to figure out the war that is going on inside and calm everyone down. With bodily pain, I learned very early on to dissociate it.
When I first became aware of the fact that there might be more parts of me, acting independently, than I had always believed, I realized that decision-making was – shall we say complicated! For example, for breakfast one part always likes to have coffee – one cup in the morning, that’s all. Another part likes to have an egg, another fruit, others toast or whatever happens to catch their eye. One morning I suddenly became aware and I had 5 breakfasts on the go, in various stages of completion! There was no way I needed all the food I’d suddenly found myself confronted by and was compelled by each part to eat each breakfast. Knowing I didn’t need the food I felt helpless to stop and could not choose just one! Shopping with this committee of minds is an equally challenging and somewhat lengthy process as parts became increasingly more vocal about their likes and dislikes. They had always been there before but as we worked with the parts and let them have their voices, they felt increasingly more need to have their voices heard/attended to. While somewhat frustrating, throughout this process, I’ve allowed myself to laugh at the sometimes crazy situations I get into! It’s not uncommon for me to be on my own in a room and breakout in laughter because some part has set things up in such a way as to create a “situation” that can only be described as absurd, way out in left field! It frustrates my family because often times it’s not so funny in the explanation for the laughter – they think they are missing something! They are!
I’ve watched very little of US of Tara – Canadian and I don’t think we get it – but I’ve seen some segments on computer. I find the extremes in dress and presentation far more drastic than anything I might ever display. There’s clearly differences in likes and dislikes in say for example dress (and breakfast!) but it’s a matter of color choices, looseness of the clothing, professional vs. casual, very bright colors vs. subdued but the overall style is globally uniform. We all know how to dress say for the doctors office, for work, or for a formal occasion. It’s too difficult for me to explain why the skirt today, the first time in a year, so as a rule we-all try to avoid skirts. We save skirts for special occasions or summer wear instead. There’s differences in posture, voice, accent but they are slight so as to avoid attention.. Even my supportive husband misses many switches. He recognizes the free happy go lucky or mischievous kid parts but doesn’t see their coming or going and treats me/us-all according to what he sees – always as a grown up and with respect – even when he has to tell me to stop throwing the tennis ball inside because it might break something!
I was so terrified most of my life, doing anything illegal or against my parents wishes was unheard of. I did the best I could not to rock the boat – that is except for one part that seemed to make it’s mission to rock the boat at any opportunity it got! I’m sure that some people have parts that get people with DID in trouble but in my life, it was about steering clear of being in trouble and visible.
Thanks for sharing the view into your DID/MPD window. Your comments today made me feel so ‘normal’ and there’s not much opportunity for feeling ‘normal’ when you are made up of a committee of parts – even if the committee is slowly reducing in size!
DK
Dear DK,
Thank you for sharing all that you have. I truly appreciate all of your compliments. I’m glad to know that there are others like you and me who share similar yet different experiences in our journey to healing from multiplicity. I believe each person who journeys the road to recovering from multiplicity is unique; and although our experiences may appear similar, they are truly our own. It’s good to know that we can find some peace and laughter in the silly things that our alters sometimes do in order to help us survive. I believe my alters were a God sent coping mechanism. I surely wouldn’t be alive today without their past help. I carry my alters within me now. My alters are me. I am them.
Regarding feeling normal… we are normal. Those who create alters, like us, do so to survive every single day. How many people can do that? I believe it takes great creativity to be able to do so. Imagine: multiplicity, our coping mechanism, able to separate inner pain by temporarily removing it so that we can function at our best at all times. Multiples not only deal with great inner pain, they also provide their own entertainment! There’s never a dull moment. An entire family within one self!
Dissociation is a remarkable way of getting through a day. The abilty to switch takes creativity, intelligence and imagination. Multiplicity is incomprehensible to most, but at the same time, a definite plus in dealing with reality in an abused person’s world, where disappointments, mistrust, and frustration tend to pull the abused into chaos. In a multiple’s world, there is a way to let go and release tension by removing oneself from it. An amazing gift, if I do say so myself!
I agree with your thoughts on medication. In my opinion, medication does not work for a multiple. Talk therapy: building trust, feeling loved, calming the alters down, and being there when needed, is the only way to go. I believe many doctors are too quick to prescribe medication to take away the temporary pain. Medication only disables a multiple and her alters. It did for me.
The truth is, I lied about taking the meds prescribed. I only started healing when I stopped taking all the meds prescribed to me, and I didn’t tell Dr. Baer. After we were on the right path, I finally told him. I had bottles and bottles of untouched pills in my medicine cabinet. I would get them re-filled, but I’d never take them. I was afraid Dr. Baer would know I wasn’t taking them if I didn’t refill them.
My alters knew what was best for me all along. Trust your instincts and you and your alters will do what’s best for you. After all, the alter’s were created to protect you, not harm you.
Thank you for sharing part of your personal journey.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 13th 2009
Comment by Sue on 07 Jun 2009 at 4:19 pm
Karen, I just finished ‘Switching Time’ and hope every day you gain even more strength and pride from the knowledge of the strength it took for you to survive the horrific events of your early life. The fact that you turned to alters and, later, Dr. Baer, for the strength and courage to live and not succomb to death, shows tremendous capacity to stare adversity in the face and come out on top. It must still be difficult for you but you truly are amazing. As someone who’s been through various therapies and worked with many therapists, I know how truly amazing it is that you found Dr. Baer on, what appears to have been, your first attempt at counseling.
I have a few questions which may not be appropriate. I mean no offense and understand if you choose to not answer them.
I’m curious as to whether your brothers were ever victimized by the many family members and community people who hurt you? I wonder, also, if you’ve had concern about a genetic possibility of them, as males, abusing family members.
Finally, at what point did you tell your children about what you had been through and did it involve a meeting with Dr. Baer?
Thank you for the courage it must have taken to share your story.
Sue
Dear Sue,
Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and for understanding the difficulties I’ve had in overcoming my terrible past. I am truly blessed to have found Dr. Baer on my first attempt to seek help. Before Dr. Baer, immediately after giving birth to my daughter, there was one therapist who tried to help me deal with the pain after my cesarean section went wrong. I believe we only spoke twice.
A couple years after my daughters birth, I knew I was in trouble. Large parts of my day were missing and unknown. I felt sad all the time. I tried to dismiss everything as just having a bad day, but I no longer could pretend. I was not well and losing time. I needed help. It was pure fate that I found the right therapist, Dr. Baer. God was surely present. I was in such a fragile state, I didn’t care, and I thought dying was my best option. I believe Dr. Baer knew this from the start and paid special attention to signs that may have gone unnoticed by someone else. I was lucky in this.
Regarding your questions, there are no questions that I won’t try to handle. The few that cause me concern, Dr. Baer will help me with them.
Yes, my brother’s were victimized, too, but not exactly in the same way, for they were boys and not sexually interesting to my abusers. My brothers were beaten on a regular basis, degraded, humiliated, and never treated with the care and nurturing required for young boys to grow into fine men. My brothers suspected things were happening to me, but I never shared the details.
Both of my brother’s are in their forties. One is married but never had children of his own. The other had two daughters who were never abused by him. Neither of my brothers took on the traits of my father, and I am grateful for that. I keep in touch with my nieces and they never once appeared as I did. And believe me, I would know.
During my therapeutic years, my children were aware that I was in therapy with Dr. Baer, but most of the time my sessions were during their school day. As my children became old enough to comprehend small doses of the reality of my parents, I would share bits and pieces that I wasn’t treated nicely. I never shared any of the traumatic memories with them.
My daughter, at age 21, read Switching Time, and she was amazed and proud of my survival. She had told me that I was the best mom and thanked me for not dragging her into such horror. My daughter came to a full understanding of my alters and could easily share stories of them that I had not known. I don’t believe my son has read my story yet, but he knows of it and has read many news articles about it. I believe some day he will, but it’s not necessary.
There was no need for my children to meet with Dr. Baer. I believe my therapy was a success due to the fact that Dr. Baer treated me so that I in turn could be the best mom I could be. I don’t believe dragging children into a parent’s therapy is always beneficial. For me, it could’ve caused more harm than good. I spoke to my children on my own, sharing what they needed to know at the appropriate time. Dr. Baer was always right there with me, in thought, and just a phone call away. If I ran into some parental problem, he guided me.
Thank you for all your compliments and for caring enough to ask your questions.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 12th 2009
Comment by Robert F on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:00 pm
Graduated last night! Whoo Whoo! I can’t touch the ground yet. I read your book a couple of weeks ago and wanted to let you guys know it will be a great teachers guide for the Psych Department of most colleges. Wow, wow, wow, wow! Are you really alive? Thank you for encouraging therapy in a not so friendly envirnoment. Did you know that psycholgy is losing ground cause insurance companies don’t believe in it’s necessity? More doctors should be like Richard Baer M.D. I know that money is an issue. You were lucky to have medical insurance and didn’t need to pay the balance. Well, at least Richard Baer received something. God, your book was educational.
Robert F
Dear Robert,
Thank you for your review! It is our hope that many colleges will use Switching Time as a teaching tool for their psychology department studies. It’s true that many medical insurance policies don’t adequately cover the necessary sessions to treat those who suffer from mental illness.
You are right, I was fortunate that Dr. Baer treated me on what the insurance companies paid him, which was never enough, and eventually stopped billing me for the balance. I couldn’t afford to pay for all the treatment I needed to heal on my own. I would’ve been forced to end therapy. And if I were forced out of the medical system for being unable to pay I most certainly would have ended my life.
Thank you for believing our story is inspirational and educational. I believe my healing was meant to be and that Dr. Baer and I were meant to share our journey together. What we accomplished can’t be measured monetarily. My healing was priceless.
Congratulations on your graduation!
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 12th 2009
Comment by Regarding Frances on 07 Jun 2009 at 12:20 pm
Regarding Frances’s wish for new interview on GMA.
I contacted the Oprah Show through an email and requested you and Richard Baer to guest. Three months I was informed Richard Baer declined by never returning their call. Is it true? Why would he decline Oprah? Did he tell you? Is it because Richard Baer is jealous of the attention you receive. Is it because he doesn’t want to be on the show? If he doesn’t why can’t you go alone? Is there a reason to appear together? Or maybe if he doesn’t want you to be on the show? Maybe he wants to be alone? I think you guys should find out why that happened. I swear to God that’s what the supervisor told me. Richard Baer never returned the call.
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Dear Regarding Frances’ Comment,
Thank you for contacting the Oprah Show! Dr. Baer and I appreciate that you took the time to write on our behalf, however, there must be a mistake in what the supervisor of the show told you. You didn’t mention details, but I assure you neither Dr. Baer nor I would ever decline an invitation to the Oprah Show or not return their calls. I received a call from one of the staff, who didn’t follow up, but Dr. Baer has not. It is our hope they haven’t forgotten us and will call again some day.
What better way to share the truth about multiplicity than to do so on Oprah. If that ever comes to be, it is my hope Dr. Baer and I go together. We both took the journey to heal me. I couldn’t have healed on my own. Dr. Baer couldn’t have written the book without treating me.
What’s most important to me is for our story to be shared in hope to bring awareness to the illness I survived. There are many multiples who would appreciate hearing the truth. Dr. Baer can share the medical aspects of the therapy and illness. I can’t understand it from his point of view. I on the other hand can share the spiritual journey and the daily life of a multiple. One doctor, one patient. It takes two.
Thank you for writing in your thoughts and concerns. Dr. Baer and I appreciate you sharing this information.
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 8th 2009
Comment by Seattle Freelance Writer on 06 Jun 2009 at 8:06 pm
Dum, Dum! That’s what I thought while reading the first chapter of your book. Unbelievable, Unbelievable! That’s what I thought while reading the next three chapters. Concerned, concerned! That’s what I thought while reading the few chapters after that. Inspired, inspired! That’s what came to my heart during the integrations. Enlightened and amazed! That’s what the ending was like for me. Overall reaction! I could feel the love, trust and successful union between doctor and patient. Will I recommend Switching Time? For sure! Congrats!
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Dear Seattle Freelance Writer,
Thank you for such a wonderful review! How honest, to the point, and enlightening are your written words. Dr. Baer and I appreciate hearing your thoughts and opinions.
Thank you for recommending Switching Time to future readers.
Have a great day!
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 8th 2009
Comment by Marcus on 06 Jun 2009 at 7:56 pm
Karen,
Did you smoke? If you did was it you or which alter. In the show USOT while I was watching reruns Tara smoked alot. I never read in your story you smoked and would like your opinion about being a multiple and doing drugs, smoking and illegal acts that cause your core trouble? Richard Baer did a brilliant job capturing your life with your help. If you are given another opportunity to write a continuation would you both work together again.
Marcus
Tampa, FL
Dear Marcus,
No. I never smoked. I may have taken a puff once, but no, never wound up smoking. As a multiple there was no time for such habits as smoking, drinking alcohol, or illegal behavior. I was too busy trying to survive each day. For me, to smoke, drink, act irresponsibly, or get into trouble was an annoyance that I could not afford. However, there was one habit that many alters would indulge in, and that was eating. I believe four alters ate simultaneously.
As a multiple, my life was run by a complex inner system that didn’t include “me.” My system of alter’s was created to protect me, keep me out of trouble and keep me safe. Anything else would draw unsafe attention to me. I preferred to be invisible. That was the safe way to be.
I will try to explain: If an adult alter would consume alcohol and a younger alter came out, the younger alter’s level of intoxication could be catastrophic. I’m not sure how to explain it, but once, while in the hospital, an adult alter was medicated with the correct dosage of medication, and when that alter went back in, a switch occurred and a young alter came out and passed out from from being over medicated. Multiplicity is an incomprehensible illness that we have so much more to learn about. The mind is powerful.
As far as I am concerned, in the series The United States of Tara, the writers added Tara’s smoking habit as a distraction for the audience. I can’t answer for other multiples. In my opinion, based from my own personal experience, it was impossible to maintain and keep track of such habit forming addictions.
Thank you for your compliments, especially for Dr. Baer, I will pass it on to him. I’m sure he will appreciate hearing from you. And, yes, it is my hope that if we were ever asked to write a sequel, that we would work together again. Teamwork at it’s best!
Karen
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Richard Baer on Jun 8th 2009
Comment by Gretchen H on 06 Jun 2009 at 10:38 am
Karen,
Unbelievable progress on your answers. I am amazed how consistent your writing. It took me three days to read all your answers. I bet Richard Baer is proud of you. I am a fan of the both of you and would love to hear more. I recently graduated with a degree in Psych. Switching Time was introduced to our studies a mere one week before the end. It was a refreshing tease into the reality of the what the mind could accomplish and a great way to end our studies.
Thank you to you and Richard Baer for contributing to science.
Gretchen H.
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Dear Gretchen,
Thank you for your compliments. I do my best when answering these questions. There’s really only one answer I can give, and it’s the one that comes from my personal experience. Dr. Baer also double checks my answers for accuracy. That has been a great help and a blessing for me and allows me to continue to answer my best.
I’m sure Dr. Baer is proud of me, however he knows the difficulties I have had. I make many mistakes. Relationships are important to me, and no one seems to have more patience or understand me the way he does. I’ve been blessed.
I’m glad Switching Time was introduced before your graduated. Dr. Baer and I hoped it would serve as a real life glimpse into the work between therapist and patient.
Wishing you all the best in your future. Thank you for sharing and on earning your degree!
Karen
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