Comment by Joyce on 24 Aug 2009 at 11:29 am

Karen,

What is most important to know about surviving Multiple personality disorder? After integration and subsequently the years since what would you like other mpd patients to know? Can you fore warn multiples who have integrated about something you found years later that disturbed you? Any advice? What advice can you give to another integrated multiple to watch out for?

Joyce

Dear Joyce,

Interesting questions!  I hadn’t thought much about what has disturbed me since the integration of my alters.  I believe it was best for me to integrate.  Though the idea of losing time and having alters come to one’s rescue sounds appealing, it is not.  It was exhausting living as a multiple: never knowing all that you had done or what you may have said or decided upon. I was fortunate my alters filled me in at the end of each day so my stress was a bit less, but they didn’t always do so.  Unfortunately as a multiple I never could experience what I had done; all that I had accomplished was mere memory.  After integration I felt everything as myself.  And that was a wonderful feeling.

There is something that disturbs me at times.  It comes from the stories I’ve shared with friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances.  Sometimes when someone has read my story or was informed of my past abuse they tend to believe that I will always be mentally ill, forgetful, or simply “not all there.”  This makes me feel disrespected.  It’s easy for someone to blame my past and claim that I must not remember important events or words spoken.  Since integration my mind is on overdrive.  I take in too much information and am unable to concentrate on how to keep minor annoyances from getting under my skin.  My mind never stops.  I get exhausted quickly as I continue to learn more each day.

As a multiple once myself, I would have to advise all multiples to be very careful and cautious who they share with.  There is a high chance of being taken advantage of.  I myself have fallen prey to a few people I thought I could trust.  I was too nice, wanted to help everyone, and there were a few, unknown to me at the time, that I allowed to take advantage of my newfound life, trusting spirit, and love.  I believe after integration I felt like a teenager starting out in the world, a world full of hope, joy, peace, and excitement. I never knew that reality could hurt me again.  My advice is be careful and guard your heart.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.

Karen

Comment by Anna on 24 Aug 2009 at 7:53 am

Karen how are you? I think of you so often and hope your doing AMAZING!! I saw your book tour pics. how stinkin fun that looked!! Thanks for all the incredible lessons you have taught me… Your truly a women of unbreakable strength.

Dear Anna,

Thank you!  I’m glad you enjoyed my pictures on Facebook. Yes, it was fun!  My favorite times were visiting Rembrandt’s home and sipping mint tea in a cafe with Dr. Baer.  My visit to Amsterdam and Antwerp was amazing.  I was treated with kindness and the utmost respect.  I admit, I was a bit nervous at first.  I wasn’t quite sure how my story would be accepted.  I wasn’t even sure that I would be accepted, and not only was I, all the people I met were wonderful to me.  I felt special at a time when I was still wondering whether sharing my story was the right thing to do.

I love traveling and hope to visit each country that my story has been published. I’m not sure if that will ever be a possibility, but I can dream.

Thank you for believing in me. I am touched by your kind thoughts.

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by Amy on 21 Aug 2009 at 1:27 am

Thank you so much for answering my questions…re your name change for privacy-I did read that part in the book, I was just wondering why Dr Baer hadn’t addressed the “faux” alter aspect/concern/etc specifically ….I am very much looking forward to your follow up book. Maybe I missed it but when did your mother pass and what kind of relationship did you have with her after your ending treatment?

My boyfriend started reading your book last night…he watched me cry thru it and looked at me puzzled from time to time. He read through the whole night and finally fell asleep around 4am at the Merging Claire chapter. He also is left shaking his head in disbelief at what you have come back from.

What the goodness did you say when you threatened your father and grandfather??? OMG!

Your “lack” of pregnancy was such a blessing!!!! I work in women’s health so the whole time I was reading, in the back of my mind I kept saying to myself “please dont let her get pregnant-OH GOD pleeeeease!!!”

What has it been like for you hearing, reading and seeing the effect your story has one others? Overwhelming? Empowering? Nerve racking?

Aside from your follow up book, have you ever considered writing a children’s book? I for one would buy it for my 11 yr old daughter and pass on the sacredness of you sharing your story.

You are such amazing woman and you have truly inspired me. Thank you so much again…your openness is yet other miracle.

Much love Ms Overhill…….much love

Dear Amy,

I understand what you are asking. I know it may seem strange that I need to write as Karen rather than my own self. However, we are one and the same. No split or multiple personality anymore! I’m just one person hoping to keep my privacy away from public view. It’s hard not to share, but my privacy is necessary so that I can live in peace. Thank you for being concerned.

I appreciate your wishing to read a follow-up book. It may take a few years for that to become a possibility. I hope Dr. Baer and I can work together again, too!

My mother did not pass away. She is alive and well and has more energy in her seventies than I do. My mother doesn’t know there is a book, but she knows that I write all the time. She’s never once asked what I write about. My mother has shared enough memories not only to complete my story but also to write her own. Like me, my mother never forgets anything that’s happened to her. There was no reason for me to share Switching Time with her. It would be hard for her to be confronted with my abuse. She definitely knew much but never once came to rescue or help me. She would just ignore or dismiss the facts. If my mother should one day read the book, she won’t deny anything. Most likely she will talk and talk and add her own extended versions of my story, which would turn into her story. My mother is a narcissist. It’s always about her.

Thanks for asking what I said to warn off my grandfather and father. I believe you are the first to ask. It happened to be during my freshman year in high school. During a health class I discovered that all that had happened to me didn’t happen to all girls. Until that point I thought it was normal for all girls to be treated that way by their fathers and relatives. My father used religion and God’s word to keep me compliant so that he could abuse me. I believed that all fathers raped their daughters. At the time I had no idea that what I experienced was rape. Remember, I attended a small private Catholic school with a graduation class of less than twenty students.  Sex and rape were never discussed.

Once I realized the truth and there was a name for it, I knew I was different. I felt devastated and quickly switched. I also knew there was a new baby girl living in the same apartment building I lived in. I feared for that little girl. My grandparents were actually babysitting for her, and I made my threat accordingly. I started by saying that I knew what they did to me was wrong and it will stop. I also added that if I ever found out that they touched this baby girl, I would kill them. Soon, my grandparents stopped babysitting altogether. Of course, I couldn’t actually kill anyone, but at that moment they knew I meant business. I continued to be physically abused by them but the sexual abuse stopped abruptly that day.

I agree it’s a miracle that I never became pregnant. Thank you, God! Although as a young girl in early puberty, my body changes left me believing that I could be pregnant at times. It was such a horrible experience waiting, hoping, and praying that I wasn’t.

When Switching Time first came out I was overwhelmed with sharing my story. I felt exposed. I spent many restless nights wondering how people would react to the horror I suffered. My only sense of calm came from believing my story would help others. As time went on, I felt empowered. I became a bit stronger each day. My faith came from believing that my story was meant to be told. In a way, sharing has been therapeutic. I’ve been quite amazed that there have been more positive feelings in sharing than negative ones. I’ve been blessed.

It’s interesting that you mention my writing children’s books. Yes, I have written many stories that would help young children understand life through my eyes. I haven’t published or submitted these stories yet, but they are written and waiting. I believe I can add inspiration for children. Most of my children’s friends still keep in contact with me; they love to hear my stories. I must have hundreds of them. Somehow I understand exactly what most children want and what they need to hear. I love to write. Thanks for believing that I can accomplish writing a children’s book. I’ll let you know.

Thank you so much for all your compliments! I truly appreciate you sharing them. I also appreciate that your boyfriend is reading the book. I would love to hear his thoughts, too!

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by Sandra on 20 Aug 2009 at 3:05 pm

Karen,

Have you ever felt like running away from your self since integration? What constitutes change under distress? How do you live? Is your pain gone?

Sandra

Dear Sandra,

Yes, I’ve felt like running away from myself, especially at times when I become overwhelmed with reality that causes too much stress.  Doesn’t every one feel like that at times? I prefer to stay calm. But like all of us, sometimes that can be an impossibility.

I become overwhelmed after someone mistreats me and I can’t cope with that hurt as I once did.  Sometimes it feels like I’m dying.  It’s my alternate response to taking flight and running.  I turn within myself and can’t move on.  Therefore, for me, it’s best that I feel safe, respected, and cared for.  When someone triggers an old feeling from my past, sometimes I can’t move on and I become paralyzed in thought.  If I can remain in a sense of calm, my pain will lessen.  If I am stressed, my physical and emotional pain can become intolerable. Sadly, at those times I no longer feel safe

I live in the best way I am able, one day at a time.

Karen

Comment by Andrea, Montana, on 20 Aug 2009 at 11:11 am

Hi Karen,

I picked up my books for class today including Switching Time. I didn’t start class yet, will do next week but already read your story. Dr. Baer is so great. The book was very informative in details regarding multiple personality disorder. I found your blog. Great that you have one. I would love to study more about you and know this sounds weird but your Dr. Baer. How can I get in touch with him? Will you and he ever agree to meet at a college for an interview? I am a student and have an idea. If I can interview you both, it would stir interest and could possibly boost my grade. Will you consider doing something like that? Where can I send a letter to you and Dr. Baer?

Andrea, Montana

Dear Andrea,

You can write Dr. Baer here on my blog or he’s also on Facebook.  Dr. Baer sees all the questions here, and he will know your letter was meant for him if you address him.  Dr, Baer will keep your letter confidential and it won’t be posted on the blog if you don’t wish it.

Dr. Baer and I could possibly do an interview if the college invited us.  We wondered if any schools would want to do this.  We would love to be interviewed in order to help psychology students become familiar with multiple personality disorder.

Thank your for your insight.

Karen

Comment by Anastascia on 20 Aug 2009 at 10:51 am

Dear Karen,

I like that you answer everyone dear (the persons name) it’s like you accept people from the get-go. I bought Switching Time after reading your blog first. It took me dayssssss, so much you have written. A book before the book. I didn’t mind because you in yourself gave me something to look forward to each day. As a senior citizen sitting in a nursing home in Georgia waiting for rehab after knee surgery it’s been a pleasure to know you. WE never met. But I am happy you visit me in thought each day. A gift, that’s what you are.

As I placed my cup of tea on the table next to my recliner, a usual morning routine that starts my every day, I got comfortable and opened the book. I felt I already knew you personally so the book should be an easy quick read. No, it wasn’t. I sobbed for you, was happy for you, hated your therapist at first then loved him. I had to get up and get another box of tissue because so many emotions came up and went down. I swear at some points I couldn’t breath. At the end I sat still and felt so wonderful I knew God was present.

Did you know that you are truly one of God’s miracles? Yes, you are. I’m sorry that you suffered so. I will pray for you each day until I die. I will pray that no one, I mean no one hurts you in any way ever again. When I go to my final resting place in heaven with our father and become an angel, I will protect your heart until we meet some day in heaven. We may not have met but I love you.

God Bless You my child. Don’t lose your faith.

Anastascia

Dear Anastascia,

Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story!  You have touched me more than words can say.  Actually, you brought tears to my eyes on a day I really needed to hear something special. I had been feeling a bit down and wondered whether sharing my story was doing more harm than good.  It must’ve been your timing.  Your words were just what I needed to hear.  Thank you.  I’m sure you were God sent and meant to be the one to write me today.  I will always try my best not to lose my faith.  Thank you for your gentle reminder, and for protecting my heart.

God Bless you.

Karen

Comment by Kerry on 20 Aug 2009 at 11:25 am

Dear Karen.

Two words.  Love you.

Kerry

Dear Kerry,

Two words.  Thank you!

Karen

Comment by Lorraine on 18 Aug 2009 at 10:29 am

Dear Karen,

God, oh God, thank you God for you and Dr. Baer!  I am a christian who received your book nearly a year ago and refused to read it because I believed anything that listed anything about God and the devil, cults and abuse from christian men was something unfathomable.  I believed your story shouldnt have been written. I even cursed Dr. Baer for writing it. Well, fate takes a horrible turn for me and I am now on dyalisis three times a week. Last week I had nothing to read and thought I grabbed another book off my shelf. Instead I grab Switching Time. I felt ill and disappointed that I picked up the wrong book. I thought what will I do for three hours now. Well another lady having dyalisis saw the book and said that it was the most amazing book she read. So I gave your story a chance finally.

Why I write you is to apologize. I’m sorry to have thought badly of you and Dr. Baer. I’m sorry I thought your story shouldnt be written. I’m sorry it took me nearly a year to read it. I’msorry I didn’t appreciate my friend’s gift of this book. Friend, Please accept my apology.

Well, I loved the book! I actually felt your pain along the way and your pain distracted me from my stupid own medical problems. I was so engrossed in your book my three hours flew by and I stayed to finish a chapter before going home and finishing the book in one day. I wanted more and found your blog. Yeah!

God bless you Karen. God bless Dr. Baer to. I will definitely be sharing about your story from now on.

Lorraine, the pessimist

Dear Lorraine,

There’s no need for an apology!  I’m glad that you have written me to share your impression of Switching Time.  I understand you having pessimistic thoughts when you received my story as a gift. There are readers who’ve shared the same. That’s very important for me to know.  It really helps me understand the first thoughts of some of those who’ve felt the same as you.  It’s hard to understand or accept a story like mine, filled with horrific abuse and sadness, unless you read it.

Whenever I share my story with friends, family, or acquaintances, I ask them to finish reading, no matter what, because if they don’t, they will not be able to understand the true miracle of how I survived.

I was very fortunate to land in the hands of a caring psychiatrist, Dr. Baer.  I believe that in itself was not a coincidence, but fate.  I believe Dr. Baer was God sent, and multiplicity, a God sent coping mechanism.  I believe there is a reason for everything and that my story was meant to be shared.  It’s my hope to bring awareness tof what can happen to children who have been abused, and to share what signs to watch for.

I’m sorry that your medical problems cause you to need dialysis, but you are alive and able to receive the help you need to continue on.  In one way, therapy is like that, a chance to live life to the fullest despite the inconvenience of having to overcome an illness.  I hope the many hours per week in dialysis may be well spent by you and be a chance to heal.

Please stay healthy. I wish you all my best in your recovery.  Thank you for your blessings. God Bless you!

Karen

Comment by Nurse Shannon, IL, on 18 Aug 2009 at 9:48 am

Hi Karen, Your answer to nurse K was just what I needed this morning before heading into work. I am a nurse too. I finished reading your story last night and found your blog this morning. I read the last ten q&a and can’t wait to come home tonight to read more.

Today, as I work with the doctors who annoy me I will have a better perspective on who they are and what they do. I not in psych. I work in out-patient surgery. I believe the doctors could be nicer than they are.

Thank you for inspiring my day. Thank you Richard Baer for creating a therapy so well put together with love that one woman gained the strength to survive and lived to share.

Karen, please continue on, you are truly one miracle of the medical world.

Nurse Shannon, IL

Dear Nurse Shannon,

I’m glad to hear that my answer to Nurse K helped you this morning.  Maybe it was meant to be.  I believe there’s a reason for everything.  Isn’t it funny how things appear before us just when we need them? I hope your workday was met with a sense of calm while you met with the doctors you work with. I would love to hear how your day went.

Thank you for your compliments, especially for believing that I am an inspiration, and to Dr. Baer for creating a well put together therapy that helped heal me.

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by L on 18 Aug 2009 at 5:55 am

Hey Karen,

Thank you so much for being there. It truly means a lot to me.

Have you ever had somebody lie to you for months and make you think like they actually give a shit about you and then completely cut you off for no reason?

That’s what he did. He’s just like everybody else he just lies more. I really hate him. I hope that someone does the same the thing to him someday. I want him to feel as bad as I feel right now. It makes me mad to think of him laughing at me. I do have some nice people in my life, but it’s going to take a while for me to trust. I trusted him and he completely shattered it.

Hope all is well with you.

Dear L,

I’m sorry that you have been hurt. Yes, I’ve had someone lie to me. I understand how hurt you feel; I’ve been there, too!  It’s paralyzing, uncalled for, and leaves you shattered.

It’s so hard to trust, especially once your trust has been broken time and again. I continue to have a difficult time with trust.  But when I finally find someone I can trust, it feels good, and is a great accomplishment for me.  Through therapy with Dr. Baer, I learned about trust.  Trust can be the most beautiful feeling in a relationship.  I hope you find someone one day you can trust again. Please give yourself time to heal.

I know you want him to feel as bad as you do.  Just remember not to say something that you may regret later. Step back, take a deep breath, and breathe until those dark thoughts pass. Then you may have a better vision of all that’s happened.  Sometimes, when feeling hurt, bigger and more regretful mistakes follow.  See him for who he is.  You are special and need to be respected.  I’ve made mistakes on this myself, but I do try my best.

I understand your pain.  Let’s hope you have a better day…

Wishing you all my best,

Karen