Comment by Jesus on 23 Dec 2009 at 9:46 am

Dear Karen,

Do you ever let people down? Do you ever feel let down? Are you a perfect woman now after integration?

Jesus

Dear Jesus,

I believe, sooner or later, we’re all going to let somebody down. I’ve made many mistakes in trusting but learned a lesson each time. Life is about learning from your mistakes. No one is perfect. The difference is whether we each learn how to use the experience to make us a better, stronger person. Yes, people have let me down. I’ve let my guard down and felt the sting of betrayal. But each time I learned a valuable lesson in return.

I learned to spot false promises by paying close attention to people. That is my gift, my survivor instinct. To me, untrustworthy people will expose their lack of respect for you time and again, if you pay attention. I am attuned to wrongful doings. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m not vulnerable. I too have incorrectly trusted people I wanted to believe trustworthy.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Maureen on 22 Dec 2009 at 8:07 pm

Hi Karen,

Are you a christian or a jew or a muslim or a mormon or another? Do you find yourself wondering what religion to follow after integration and coming from a catholic background. Did you ever question your faith and what to follow? If I were you and I’m glad I’m not I would not be catholic after being raised under false pretenses. Whatever your choice is none of my business. I don’t want to offend you. I actually admire you and want to know because you have such a strong faith that leads you to help others all the time. If you didn’t believe you wouldn’t care so much. How can an abused person ever believe in God? Did you ever question God’s decisions?

Merry Christmas! Happy Hannukah! Happy Holidays! Happy all of the above!

Love you, Maureen

Dear Maureen,

Good questions! I don’t believe anyone has asked me these questions before. I believe in God. He did not cause my abuse, but most certainly helped me survive by bestowing a most sophisticated coping mechanism that fragmented my episodes of abuse until I was mature enough to deal with them in the safety of therapy. God doesn’t stop us from hurting each other, but He does comfort us while we heal.

I am a Christian, raised Catholic, and have asked myself the very same questions you ask. During my high school years I didn’t know what to believe. I was raised in a Catholic church that didn’t treat me well. I attended services at a Lutheran church where I was treated kindly and I even thought of becoming a Mormon like Donny Osmond. I was confused and wandered in and out trying to find a place of worship where I felt accepted. I was searching for unconditional love when I realized that God had never left me.

I believe. I have faith and know that I’ve been graced by God’s presence many times over. I am a survivor. My religion is kindness. I visit different churches. My work includes working with pastors of six different faiths. Where do I belong? Nowhere in particular. God loves me and watches over me. My belief is keeping God within my heart, always and forever.

Thank you for your honesty, for admiring me, and for your curiosity. I learned something more about myself from your questions.

Karen

Comment by Susan on 22 Dec 2009 at 7:58 pm

Merry Christmas, Karen! You are one inspirational woman. I am blessed you gave of yourself and told your story to the world. Not many would be so revealing. Most of us are selfish human beings. I know you have a heart and thankful you do. Blessings to you and your family now and forever! Oh, Happy Christmas to Richard Baer, too! Please tell him for me.

Susan, from Oklahoma

Dear Susan,

Thank you very much for your kind compliments! I admit there were a few moments I contemplated whether to reveal so much. But I thought it over and realized that without the truth, how could anyone truly grasp the depth of my experiences and journey?

If only those close to me during childhood knew what signs to look for. If only I’d realized that I was being abused. Ignorance kept me trapped. Signs were ignored. Most people in my neighborhood were too afraid to step in and do something. Maybe through Switching Time people will take a second look, and not turn away whenever they suspect a child is being abused.

Surviving abuse was not easy for me and still is a burden at times. It’s difficult to forget all. I continue to do my best to live my best life and encourage hope through sharing my story. I don’t believe those who ignored me were selfish. I believe they were uninformed. Awareness is the key.

Thank you for your blessings! I will pass on your Christmas wishes to Dr. Baer.

Karen

Comment by Mil on 19 Dec 2009 at 11:03 am

Dear Karen,

Are you happy? DO you ever REGRET living? WTF How is it possible to live carrying the weight of the world, receiving no recognition and working without support? I notice you’ve been slowing down? Who really cares for you, Karen? You deserve more in life. You should be traveling. You deserve nothing but the best. Thank you for your sacrifices. Don’t allow people to steal your spirit. Sending hugs. Never allow someone else to hurt you again. Sending kisses. Be proud of what you have done to help others. Sending love. God will reward you in your afterlife. Sending you Peace.

I love you, Karen Overhill!

Mil

Dear Mil,

Many questions of concern! Thank you for caring. I’m not sure how to answer all your questions, but I’ll try to answer a few.

Happiness is what we make of our lives. I can be both happy at times and sad, just like everyone else; there are good days and bad days. Sure, I’d love to travel and someday I hope to. But what’s most important to me is to live my best life right now. Regret living? No, I don’t regret living, but I admit to having days in which I find it hard to live.

I’m not sure by what you mean by no recognition. For me, I’ve never needed to be recognized for all that I have done. I know I am appreciated. It is my hope to help others through sharing my story. I never regret answering questions or giving of myself. That never once crossed my mind. I believe I was meant to be doing exactly what I am doing right now.

Who cares for me? Many people. I feel cared for and that’s all that matters. I believe there are many levels of caring for someone. Everyone I know cares for me in one way or another. It doesn’t matter how much. I feel cared for by thousands.

Thank you for all your compliments. Thank you for appreciating my sacrifices and good deeds. I love hearing that. I’ll always try my best not to allow anyone to hurt me or steal my spirit. I have survived worse and I’m sure I’ll be okay. I am proud of my work with Dr. Baer and hope to continue to be one voice for the abused.

Karen

Comment by Aimee on 19 Dec 2009 at 10:57 am

Merry Christmas Karen!!!!!! Glad you survived. I was a victim too but after reading your book my life took a change of heart. I was so negative and cruel to people because I never understood my anger was coming from being a rape victim by an uncle. I didn’t know I was so bad until I saw myself in certain parts of your book. I am doing better, smiling more and see things differently. I wish you happiness. I wish you peace. Happy Holidays!

Aimee

Dear Aimee,

Thank you for sharing! There is always a reason for the anger we hold within us. I’m glad you came to realize where your anger was coming from. Many find that their anger is provoked by something horrible that happened to them. I believe anger is fear turned inside out, and that fear is the anger we outwardly express because we don’t understand how to deal with it. It’s like wearing a shield to protect oneself.

I’m sorry to hear that you were abused. You didn’t mention whether you were in therapy. I’m glad that Switching Time provided you with the knowledge that awakened something within you, but realistically, it’s not a self-help book. Please seek a qualified therapist to help you maintain your newfound freedom and awareness of being a victim.

I know from my own experience that memory can be tricky. Sometimes I would feel great, I thought I knew all, and then I’d crash with the weight of my past heavy on my spirit. My pain continues to resurface at times, even after many years of therapy. I always need to take care of myself first. After years in therapy, I learned how to recognize when I need help. You can too.

I encourage you to pay close attention to yourself. And if you start to feel bad, depressed, or become aggressive or angry again, know that you need further help. Wishing you peace as you continue your own journey.

Happy Holiday to you, too!

Karen

Comment by Jackie on 16 Dec 2009 at 9:25 am

Hi Karen,

Last night my boyfriend rather fiance’ hit me and raped me. I was in shock. It is rape when against my wishes, right? He was so angry with me when I told him NO, I didn’t feel up to making love. He forced me down and raped me. This morning I feel like dying because he did what my father did to me. While in the middle of the act he said the same thing my father said while raping me, I Love You and then said Am I not the best. I thought of you and my father’s abuse. I can’t marry this man. We are set to marry next March. How should I break up with him? I dont want to live with an abuser like you did. I’m afraid. Thank you Karen and Richard for teeling Karens story. I feel I can do this and end it before things get worse because of what I learned in Switching Time about abuse and the human spirit.

God Bless You both.

Jackie

Dear Jackie,

I’m sorry to hear that you were raped by the finance who vowed to love and protect you. That’s not love. Rape is rape. Abuse is abuse. And it doesn’t matter that you are engaged or whether you are married.  Sex without mutual consent is rape. I’m not a therapist and can’t give you advice, but I believe stepping out of this relationship NOW is your best option. In my opinion, if your boyfriend is abusive now, he will definitely increase the abuse after you’re married. That behavior doesn’t simply disappear with marriage.  If you don’t break it off, he will know you are a woman who will tolerate abuse, and you will have given him unspoken permission to continue it.  There are other men out there.

I am glad you don’t wish to live with an abuser and have recognized that before your wedding day. I’m not sure how you should break up with him, but I believe you may need to do so quickly, and perhaps with help or support from the police. Maybe an order of protection? Whatever you do, please don’t fall for the “make-up.” He will most certainly try to win you over again. That happened to me time and again. And after each time I went back to my ex-husband, he abused me more.

Trust your instincts. If you believe this is what you need to do, then do it. I believe you are brave just for writing and sharing your pain with me. I have faith in you. Abusers can’t help themselves; they abuse over and over again and need professional help. I know you are afraid, but think of it this way: Do you really want to live your life wondering and worrying when he’ll strike again? Will you be able to live in peace after what he has already done to you? If you spurn him again, will he feel that he owns you and rape you again? The answer may be yes. Please take care of yourself first.

I’m glad you read my story. I’m glad you chose to end an abusive relationship. I am proud of you.

I’ll be keeping you close at heart and wishing you peace.

Karen

Comment by Sandy on 15 Dec 2009 at 12:52 am

Dear Karen

I just finished reading your book yesterday. It was really heart wrenching and sad to know that people’s life are so ruined by those who SHOULD be taking care of them. I’m happy for you that you have gotten back on track and are strong as you are now.

However one question lingers on my mind ( and I’m somewhat surprised that the readers could actually blog here with you and get their questions answered!). I don’t recall reading any part of the book that tells your teenage life? Do you mind sharing how it was like? Were you still staying with your parents back then?

Thank you.

Oh, and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Take care,

Sandy

Dear Sandy,

Thank you for asking! I don’t mind answering questions about my teenage years! Actually, I’m a bit surprised that there haven’t been more questions about that time in my life.

My teenage years were met with both horror and a new confidence. The summer between seventh and eighth grade I traveled with my grandparents through many states, meeting many new friends, while my grandparents were busy at various racetracks. I spent most days at the motel pools and met kind people that I never knew existed. That was the first time I suspected there was a world out there for me to discover. I started eighth grade with more confidence and a new awareness.

During the night before the second day of my freshman year in high school my father had beaten me badly. The next morning I took the bus to school two hours earlier than usual. I found myself sitting at the football field watching the school’s marching band. I was in a daze, bruised, and didn’t know who I was. The director came up to me and asked me if I’d like to join the band. An alter said yes, and that started six years of playing in the marching, concert, and jazz bands. I learned to play the clarinet very quickly, as if I was meant to be a musician. My life changed at that time. I joined many clubs, and made many new friends. I finally had something to look forward to that wasn’t controlled by my father, grandfather, or Catholic school. I felt freedom for the first time. I spent long days after school in the performing arts center. I loved every minute. I felt happier, but as an alter—Karen 2.

In freshman health class I learn that I was a victim of incest. It was at that time I threatened my father and grandfather by stating that I would report them. I was given more freedom, but I continued to be physically and mentally abused. I dissociated that abuse. After integration, I realized my teen years were much better than my early childhood years. I became stronger and the abuse I had suffered earlier in life was temporarily relieved, with alter help. My pain was stored away until I was able to deal with it.

I feel privileged to answer questions here on my blog. I have survived and feel blessed. Sharing gives me purpose. It is my desire to encourage hope through sharing my story.

Thank you for your questions and a special thank you for all your compliments!

Karen