Comment by Carolyn on 05 Feb 2010 at 10:48 am

Karen,

I dont understand how you manage to live when reality sucks. What makes you go on? Dont you think being abused takes forever and a day to heal from? I am a victim of abuse and all the years in therapy never changed the fact. I continue to hurt after the therapy ended. Problem is everyone believes me to be cured. Do the people in your life expect more from you? Do the people in your life expect you to be perfect? I am sure you understand me. I wish the people in my life would. I am inspired by you. I can safely say I know you can hurt from the same pain of long ago. 
Never give up Karen.

Carolyn

Dear Carolyn,

I understand how some people may believe that reality sucks. It does at times, and that’s being realistic.  If life were easy to live, then what would be the purpose of trying our very best to succeed with faith, strength, and endurance? We all have the capability to improve our lives. We just need to do it.

I agree, it does take forever and a day to heal from abuse. How do I manage my pain? I simply get up each day and move forward, hoping and praying I can overcome each obstacle that gets in my way.  Life for me, as well as for all those who have been abused, is a continual challenge.

When my therapeutic relationship ended, I continued to have a bad days.  It would’ve been unrealistic for me to believe that at the end of therapy I would be “cured.” I will continue to learn something new about myself each day, one step at a time, slow and steady. That’s the only way I can live my life.

Many of my family and friends assumed I would be perfect after my therapy ended. No one is perfect. What they wanted me to be I could not be. I am the best person I can be. And for me that is a miracle.

Please never give up. I won’t.  You can only try your best to keep the pain of the past where it belongs–in the past. Live each day and look forward to your future. That’s what I try to do!

Thank you for your thought provoking questions.

Karen

Comment by Sarah on 09 Feb 2010 at 5:17 pm

Your story resembles so much of the book Sybil. Down to the characters and the way they act. It almost seems the same. Is there any way that Sybil could have influenced some of your story or the events that happened in your treatment. I am in to way disregarding your story as I believe it is 100% true but this was just bothering me.

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the similarities between my story and Sybil’s. I’m sorry but I have not read the entire book, Sybil. I tried to read her story, but I became upset and was unable to read past the first chapter or two. Maybe because it hit me as familiar, too? I really can’t say. But what I can share is though there may be some similarities between our stories; no two multiples are the same.

I believe from my personal experience that alters are created to serve a need for survival. Many different alters are needed to keep traumatic experiences and abuse separate in order for the victim to live. For me there was a mom figure, which was my alter Katherine; a father figure, my alter Holdon; and many children of different ages that included both boys and girls. An alter was created for religious beliefs, and so on… an entire cast of help was needed to survive the horrors. I’m not sure about Sybil’s case, but perhaps she created alters for many of the same reasons.  But my story is my own. Each of my alters was created for a reason.

Though I did not read Sybil, I did watch the movie. I found it unlike my story. I never appeared so overly dramatic, never changed clothes or found myself making a scene, as when Sybil found herself in the middle of a fountain or lake. I never climbed all over Dr. Baer’s furniture in his office during sessions and can’t see any real truth to the way Sybil was portrayed as a multiple. I would say the producers made the illness more of a mockery than a reality. True multiples simply don’t act out to be extremely noticeable. I have heard Sybil’s abuse was horrific. It’s saddens me to know that she suffered as I did.

Maybe the book differs from the movie. Maybe one day I’ll read the book. But for now I’d rather not trigger any old dark thoughts.

Thank you for believing in me. Please know that if my answer does not set you at ease, write me again.

Thank you,

Karen

Comment by Kevin on 08 Feb 2010 at 10:14 pm

Hi Karen,

What’s up? What do you think of Oprah having an panel of child molesting sex perverts on her show today? Will you be watching it? I would like to read your reaction. I am a recovered child molester. I was sexually abused at thirteen and abused an eleven year old girl when I was eighteen. I never knew it was abuse until in prison. I was jailed and released in two months eight years ago. I am married now. I never hurt another child. If shows like this were aired years ago and you saw them would your story read different? Would children know what abuse is?

Kevin

Dear Kevin,

I am glad that Oprah’s guests shared the truth about how child molesters groom their victims. Though an hour show could not get into the true depth of an abuser’s mind, this show was a much-needed glimpse into how a sex offender operates. I believe it gave most parents a rude awakening as to what to watch for. There are signs if we pay attention.

The show prompted me to become deep in thought about my own abuse. What had drawn my abusers to me? I know I was a vulnerable ill child. I was an innocent who needed love, nurturing, comfort, and attention.  Though no two cases are alike, there was a familiarity in the mindset of those predators. But my abusers were especially mean and evil-spirited. They often forced themselves on me, and physically hurt and abused me in addition to the sexual abuse. I dissociated to survive. My mind created alters to help me separate from the horror I experienced

I’m not sure whether the men on Oprah’s show can be healed. I don’t believe so. Their abusive thoughts will always be there even if not acted on. My abusers abused other girls before me and after me.

I am glad you are living your life well after prison. I can empathize with your feelings since you were once a victim yourself and hadn’t learned well the difference between right and wrong. I’m not saying that I don’t believe you are cured, but I would feel much better knowing you will be in counseling forever.

I can’t change the past, but I believe that if knowledge of sexual abuse was aired on television or taught in schools when I was young, my story may have been different. I may have had someone who listened to me. I may have not feared sharing the truth. I may have been saved and my abusers imprisoned for life. But I won’t dwell on the “what ifs.” That would most certainly affect my newfound self-esteem. During my childhood no one talked about such issues or believed a child over an adult. I’m glad education is being provided these days. I pray for the safety of all our children.

Thank you for sharing.

Karen

Comment by Bev on 08 Feb 2010 at 10:11 pm

Karen. Thank you. Richard. Thank you.

Bev

Montana

Dear Bev,

Thank you from me, and thank you from Dr. Baer!  We truly appreciate your kind thoughts.

Karen

Comment by Sophia on 05 Feb 2010 at 2:13 pm

Dear Karen,

First, congratulations on being brave to share your story. Second, thank you for not focusing more on the multiple part but more on sexual abuse. First comes the abuse second comes the creative way you dealt with the abuse. The mind is fascinating. Being a multiple is a miracle. Richard Baer wrote a compelling story but honestly couldn’t have without you. I am a psych student and our class is in the middle of discussing your book. We were only to spend a day but continued for two and if there was more time slotted we would have discussed it more. My point is, can you believe this one? Yesterday, 80% of the class originally thought you were not real, made up your abuse and Richard Baer took you for a ride by making you believe you were a multiple. Today, 90% of the same class turned to believe in you, your story, in Richard Baer’s work and an extra plus, they believed the illness to be real. Bravo, Karen! out of nearly 150 students what a change over! What a Great mental challenge! Thanks!

Sophia

Dear Sophia

Thank you so much for sharing your class experience while studying multiple personality disorder. How fascinating to hear how the overall debate turned so drastically. There are many who are skeptical about the illness I once suffered from. Knowledge is the key, and I’m sure Dr. Baer will be thrilled to hear what you have shared.

Multiplicity has taken quite a beating over the years as many false claims of the illness surfaced in the media. I am grateful to Dr. Baer for how he handled my illness. Our therapeutic relationship worked; we made a great team!

It saddens me to hear when people think Dr. Baer has taken advantage of me. That is far from the truth. I am grateful for the time and unconditional care he has given me. We have worked very hard together to heal me. I don’t believe there are many psychiatrists who would have done the same. My therapy was intense and lasted for many years. I was not an easy patient to treat.  After my multiplicity was cured, only then did he bring up the idea of sharing my story.  It was my choice from the very beginning.

I appreciate your honesty in telling me about your class discussion. I agree, my story can be a challenge to comprehend and analyze, but I do love to hear about such debates.

Please know that I am here, as well as Dr. Baer, to answer any further questions or thoughts you may have. It is our hope to help in any way we can.

Karen

Comment by Mrs. Wright on 03 Feb 2010 at 11:02 am

Dear Karen,

Read your story and some of your answers here on your blog. Can’t stop thinking of you, you are marvelous. Too many questions to sift through, you should put them all in a book! I have some questions you probably answered already. Here goes. What do you hope for yourself for your own future? What have you learned about yourself after integrations and the book was published? Have you ever made a mistake and fell backward? Did your family respect your decision to write your story? Do you have the same friends and relations as before integration and the book? Have many taken advantage of you? Are you hurting now?

Mrs. Wright

Dear Mrs. Wright,

Thank you for sharing! Yes, I have answered many questions here on my blog. It is my hope to continue sharing and helping those who have been abused or know of someone who has. I now hope to enjoy my life in the best way I can. I have dreamt of traveling. I would love to see the world; I’ve not had the privilege to do so. I was fortunate to have traveled once with Dr. Baer to Amsterdam and Antwerp, but there was little time for sightseeing. But I did get to see Rembrandt’s home, which I loved. I hope to do more of the same. My dreams have yet to begin.

I’ve learned many lessons since integration and even more after Switching Time was published in October 2007. I am not perfect. I’ve learned that I have more strength than I ever imagined. I learned my faith can become shaky at times, but I still have faith that God will help provide me with a sense of calm so that I can continue doing my work helping others. And most important, I learned that I am loved and can love others. I never imagined I would ever experience this. Remember, I was once a lost soul and unloved.

I have not shared my story with all of my family. My mother does not know, but my siblings have been supportive. My brothers have not only confirmed the truth about all that has been written, they have shared with me much more. My children support me and are proud of me for having the strength to encourage hope through sharing my story. Most of my elderly relatives knew I was terribly abused and feel guilty for not having helped me. Some have told me their stories and apologized. I have forgiven them all. That’s is why I share my story… to bring knowledge of what can happen behind the closed doors of a dysfunctional family. There are signs if we all, as adults, pay attention to our children.

Thank you, Mrs. Wright, for you thought provoking questions and compliments. I admit these questions challenged me, but I have learned something new about myself.

Karen

Comment by Calvin on 05 Feb 2010 at 9:22 am

Hey Karen,

Nice answer to Marvin regarding Herschel Walker’s book. I love the sport football so naturally I bought Herschel’s book wanting to understand the so-called illness claimed, multiple personality disorder. I am here by chance. I heard Hershels interview on ESPN and he didn’t talk long but appeared confidant about his survival. I thought his interview was a ploy for extra attention in which I bought hook line and sinker. I, curious in nature, also googled his book and read the comments listed. And I, too thought to check out your blog and laughed my ass off when I turned to your page and the first q and a was about Hershels interview. You may be getting more of us football junkies searching for wtf answers to Herschel. I ordered Herschels book and Richard Baers Switching Time. I could not deem not ordering both. I will return my comments when done. But you already won. God love you. Namaste.

Calvin

Dear Calvin,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on Hershel Walker. What a coincidence on your timing of reading about him when you opened my blog page. Maybe that was meant to be? We both have had different experiences that can’t be compared. I am glad to hear you ordered both of our books. That’s what more people should do, not to compare but to learn from different points of view. You may find the more you read the more you can decide for yourself what you believe in. There are many books on multiple personality disorder.

I would love to hear from you when you finish reading both our stories.

Karen

Comment by FB Unworthy Friend on 03 Feb 2010 at 12:37 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you for talking to me today on facebook. I know facebook is great but actually being able to accept me as your friend shocked the shit out of me. sorry. I can’t believe you are a real nice person who respects and cares for people. I admire your ability to maintain control and composure with dignity after what you went through. I admire you for not feeding into my hatred of your therapist for not believing in mpd. I see you wont attack anyone. I thought about you after you answered my letter. Not once did you buy into my idiot remarks. How could you stay loyal? Why not tell people off? Instead you were nice to me when I wasn’t nice in what I wrote. sorry. thanks. No one really likes me. But you a stranger were kind. I believe you are real, Richard Baer is real and your story is real. sorry. I no longer have doubts. Richard Baer is a good man. sorry. I didn’t mean to call him names. I liked the book. It was powerful.

FB Unworthy Friend

Dear Friend,

You’re very welcome! I sensed your anger and pain. I’m not angry with you. You were sharing your honest thoughts and feelings. And I heard you loud and clear. I would never become angry with someone for that. I admit, I felt a bit sad having to defend Dr. Baer. It hurts me when he is attacked, but I felt the need to let you know that Dr. Baer is a good man.

Would telling people off help either way? I don’t think so. I believe in being kind to each one another. I believe anger is fear turned inside out. I also believe when one understands the fear behind their accusations, the problem can be resolved. I’m glad to hear you now understand a bit more than you did in your first email. That means a lot to me.

I’m loyal to all who befriend me. Thank you for writing me back and sharing your new thoughts. Please know knowledge is the key to a peaceful heart.

Karen

Comment by Cable on 01 Feb 2010 at 11:13 pm

Karen,

Hi. I read your story and wanted to tell you how much it means for us people who have been abused. I was abused one tenth of what you were abused and I can’t function at all. I feel creepy, dirty, undeserving of love, incapable of receiving what I deserve. I went to college and have earned a associate degree in Business and work as a janitor because of the way I feel. I clean dirt because I feel like dirt. After reading your story I felt something stir deep inside. I can’t change how I feel and looked for help. I live near Eagle River, Wisconsin and found a psychologist to meet with twice a week. I told him of your book and he will read it before my next session. I told him it was through you I realized I can overcome my being raped twice by my father. The difference between us I am a twenty four year old male. Haven’t had a serious relationship, am torn whether I am gay or not because I am afraid of relationships period. Besides my being raped I consider myself a virgin. My question is, I will respect you if your don’t wish to answer, is: When you found yourself in a relationship leaning toward commitment, marriage and love did you share that you were a victim of rape or claim to be a virgin? I never knew a boy could be raped. I guess rape is rape. Is it wrong for me to not share with the woman I become active with? Does being raped at 12 and 13 make me gay? Did you share before marriage? Many questions I have for my therapist. I apologize. Not intended to hurt you. Thinking out loud. Need to know how to move forward. I would like to know what to do. I know you are not a therapist but I need your answer because of your experience. No therapist can identify with us.

Thank you.

Cable

Dear Cable,

I hear you. I’m sorry for all that you have endured. I can empathize with what you feel. But each day is a new day, a fresh start, and you have the ability to leave your past behind you, just as I have. Of course, that’s easier said than done, but it’s possible. Feeling creepy, dirty and undeserving can paralyze you if you are not careful to recognize those feelings, deal with them, and let them go. The dark thoughts you have come from your past. It’s important to seek help with a therapist and work through your feelings of inadequacy. I have been burdened by the same. It’s taken many years for me to overcome those feelings. What an amazing feeling to have that burden lifted. I continue to learn something new about myself each day.

Regarding your many thought provoking questions, I will try to answer to the best of my ability. First, no, I did not share that I was a victim of sexual abuse during my relationships, including that with my husband, until years into our marriage. It was never my intention to deceive my dates and relationships by not sharing; I simply had compartmentalized that horrific time of my life and never had a reason to share. I don’t believe anyone needs to share past pain when entering a relationship. I don’t believe that’s being dishonest. I believe there is a time and place for everything, and at the beginning of a relationship is never the right time.  A relationship needs time to strengthen before it can withstand a blow like that.

I was fortunate that my alters kept all my memories separated and stored until I was able to deal with them. That time came six years into my marriage. Of course, I was aware of things within myself that were not comfortable or right. I just couldn’t identify them. I believe I was in survivor mode my entire life.

Yes, a boy can be raped. Rape is rape. When a child is raped by an adult who controls them into submission in any form, that is abuse. I’m not a therapist and can’t give advice, but I believe there is nothing that says boys who are raped become homosexual. I would share these thoughts with your therapist. Please know that being a survivor of rape myself, like you, comes with many years of heartbreak while you journey through discovering your true self. I believe you can overcome your fears. It will be difficult but I assure you one day those dark thoughts will step aside and allow you to love yourself, and love another.

Wishing you all my best as you journey to wellness. I have faith in you.

Karen

Comment by John on February 5, 2010 at 2:13 PM

Karen,

Why not appear with Herschel Walker and debate your illness? Would make a great debate!

John

Dear John,

There’s no comparison between Herschel Walker’s story and mine because he did not suffer as I did. Herschel may have wounds from verbal abuse, but my scars run much deeper. I don’t know if Hershel Walker has MPD, but no two multiples are alike; each one is unique. But it would be interesting to talk with him and share experiences.

Thank you for thinking of me!

Karen