Comment by Sally on 17 Mar 2010 at 2:51 pm

Dear Ms. Karen,

I just recently had to read your book for school and I couldn’t put it down. The entire story amazed me like no other, and I found the entire process fascinating. You have really inspired me to go into the medical field so one day I’ll be able to help other people realize their true inner self.

I admire your courage and your affection for life despite of all the evil and cruelty that has been displaced on you and I hope that you and your kids are doing well and you never have to face your awful husband again.

Your story has taught me that there is nothing more important then being around the ones that you love and that love you. I am an only child of two adoring parents who never treated me bad.

Sally

Dear Sally,

How wonderful to hear you are inspired to help people realize their true inner selves! There is a need for compassionate caring people to help those who suffer. I was fortunate to have found the right therapist for me. I’m not sure what would’ve happened to me if I fell into the wrong hands. I believe my finding Dr. Baer was meant to be. I was lucky. It’s my wish that all those who suffer find the therapist best able to help them.

My children are doing well. My son recently married and my daughter attends college.  My ex-husband’s abusive ways are no longer an issue in my life. He is living his life far from me. I am free from abuse and have just begun to live.

I love hearing your parents treated you well!  That makes my heart sing!

Thank you for your compliments and for caring.

Karen

Comment by Cathy on 16 Mar 2010 at 10:25 am

Dear Karen,

What a find this blog is. I don’t know what to ask you. I have a thousand questions but will read through your blog first. Your book was an adventure I’d never wish to take. I am glad your journey ended well. Good Luck today and in your future years. Thank you for spending your days caring for others like me who are afraid to speak up and search for truth. I admire you.

Cathy

Dear Cathy,

Thank you for sharing! There are many questions and answers to read through here, but if you find yourself wondering about something, please ask. If I’ve answered a question similar to yours, it doesn’t really matter. Since your questions are important to you, they’re important to me.

Thank you for caring and for your kind thoughts. I truly appreciate hearing them.

Karen

Comment by Bob on 15 Mar 2010 at 3:16 pm

Hi Karen!

I am married to a brilliant woman who suffers as you did. My concerns are a bit difficult to form into words but when you were married did your husband address your alters by name? Or call on them when he needed them? We’ve been married three years and recently one alters resurfaces and claims I never call her out and care. I assumed it wasn’t appropriate to call on another alter when married to my wife. In my own confusion I am unclear what to do? My wife stopped therapy, which I was against her doing, and now things are popping up out of the ordinary. I thought maybe I should go to therapy myself but don’t wish to dealt with a therapist asking questions like “If you knew there could be possible marital problems marrying your multiple wife then why did you marry her?” Switching Time was well worth reading. I have gained self-esteem and strength in learning about the illness. Thank you Karen.

Bob 
E.P.

Dear Bob,

Thanks for sharing. I’m not sure if I ever answered a question like yours before, but will do my best. My husband didn’t address my alters by name because my alters did not share that information with him. My alters named themselves and rarely used their names for fear of drawing attention to us. Multiplicity is a coping mechanism. It was important that I be protected from harm, and drawing attention to any differences, such as names, would just aggravate the situation. For instance, if my husband and I were out at a restaurant and he assumed he was talking to me but another alter was present, it may have caused a scene. My alters never sought attention; they chose to live my life for me when I was unable to.

I’m glad Switching Time was helpful to your understanding, but please know that the book doesn’t replace therapy. A good therapist will not judge you. Of course, during the course of therapy difficult questions may be asked, but only to help you move forward to a better understanding of your own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes bringing out a pain provides resolution previously unavailable to you. If your wife has stopped therapy and life for the two of you is changing for the worse, it may be time to seek help not only for your wife, but for yourself, too.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Dennis on 15 Mar 2010 at 1:13 pm

Dear Karen,

Thank you for providing this blog. I am impressed by your capability to conquer some ignorant questions. I hope you don’t feel bad about yourself, you are my hero. After reading your story I changed for the better. I didn’t kill myself. I swear I will follow your lead of defense. I assumed my life was the worst. No, yours was and you chose to stick around. I suppose I will to. Thank you, Mam!

Dennis

Dear Dennis,

You’re welcome. I’m so glad to hear you didn’t end your life. I appreciate you saying that my story gave you reason to move forward, but I believe it is your own faith and strength that led to your survival. Please follow and trust your own instincts; you are stronger than you think.

I never thought of any questions posted here as ignorant. I suppose those who write me just need to be heard, and sometimes it’s hard to put those thoughts into words.  I never judge anyone and answer each question to the best of my ability.

Thank you for thinking of me as a hero!  But I am just one woman with a story to share in hope of bringing comfort to those who hurt. If I can accomplish that, then my life is worth living.

Wishing you all my best. Thanks for sticking around.

Karen

Comment by Nicole S. on 15 Mar 2010 at 12:33 pm

dear karen,

sending you the hugs you didn’t receive from you know who before the end. i am in therapy and my therapist hugs me good-bye after each visit. i never took it the wrong way. and can’t see why dr. baer deprived you of something you would surely have felt in a good way. he may be a great doctor to you but to me if he cared he would have hugged you. do you feel hurt from him. you do know he has issues with people don’t you. any man doctor or not who can’t show affection has issues of his own. dont you agree

nicole s.

Dear Nicole,

Thank you for the hug! I truly appreciate your concern over Dr. Baer not giving me hugs during my therapeutic years. Dr. Baer felt his lack of hugging me was in my best interest. I disagree. Dr. Baer and I discussed the hugging issue many times and I still don’t see a problem with a simple act of kindness and compassion in the form of a hug. It was Dr. Baer’s issue, not mine.

Dr. Baer believed one hug would lead to another and I would want and require more. I believe he was wrong. I know myself and would not have wanted more from him. Dr. Baer was always a father figure to me. I trusted him and respected his decision not to hug me, but that didn’t erase the pain of rejection.

Dr. Baer has done more than anyone else has done for me, but it still hurts me to think about it. I believe Dr. Baer did the best he could to help me.

I’m glad to hear you have not suffered any ill effects from your therapist’s hugs. I believe if Dr. Baer hugged me and certain feelings arose, it would’ve been better to have dealt with those feelings in the safety of therapy.

Thank you for your questions and compliments.

Karen

Comment by Bess on 15 Mar 2010 at 12:18 pm

Hi Karen,

Powerfully breathtaking book… I found you on facebook, too! Thank you for allowing your story to be told.

Bess

Dear Bess,

I am glad you found me on Facebook, too! Facebook has opened up a whole new world for me. I’m fortunate to have met great new friends there. Sharing my story has given me reason to keep on going. It’s important for me to use my experiences to help encourage others while they travel their own path to wellness. I believe we all need each other in some way!

Thank you very much for your kind compliment.

Karen

Comment by Nicky on 11 Mar 2010 at 7:50 pm

Dear Karen

Thank you so much for answering my previous questions. I also agree with Sister Darlene, you are “God-sent”! I would love to have a book to read from your view point now, then maybe I would understand more of what my granddaughter is going through from her side. Do you remember how you thought and felt at or around age 5 in regards to your switching and losing time? I would like more insight into how it is for her. Also what would you think and feel when you switched and weren’t where you were last time you were out? Are all of them considered Alts or is there a main one or original one? She often says she feels weird. Do you know what she means by that? When you where her age did your Alts share what happened during the day with each other or was that when you got older? Did one or more of your Alts take responsibility for what another Alt did? At what age did your Alts get there individual names and how did that come about?

Thank you so much for helping me.

Nicky

Dear Nicky,

Thank you for your kind and encouraging thoughts about me writing my version of my story. That’s something I hope to do. A book from my point of view could be helpful for a better understanding on how I functioned on a daily basis as a multiple, a Mom, a wife, and a worker, all at the same time.

I remember a little about being five years old. I remember the abuse because it was traumatic and vividly committed to memory. I also remember being hospitalized for over a month and returning to my kindergarten class activities. My switching and losing time were dismissed as, “Well, Karen is sick again today.” I believe my switching became “normal” behavior for a returning sick child. At least that’s how the nuns and students treated me. The nuns questioned my behavior but assumed it was medically related to the aneurysm I had. I now believe it was dissociation and no one had the knowledge to recognize it.  I was often excused for illness.

Headaches were a constant part of my life, as well as nausea, trembling, and often appearing spaced out. No one took any of those signs seriously. I was being abused and everyone assumed I had some physical illness. My parents’ lies inhibited any action from being taken. The nuns simply prayed for me to get well. There were visible signs of my being abused, but all signs were ignored rather than acknowledged. That’s why I share my story, to bring knowledge and awareness to what can happen to an abused child.

A multiple switches when in danger, is threatened, or feels uncertain of herself. There is no way to know when switching will stop. For me, my switching stopped once my alters integrated and I no longer needed them to defend me. I was not one until integration was complete. I never believed there was one main part of me, just many parts of me.

I hope my answers help you understand the mindset of a child multiple, but please know I am not a therapist. Each multiple is unique. My experiences must not be compared to your granddaughter’s experiences or another multiple’s. It’s important that you never suggest names to your granddaughter, her alters will name themselves when they are ready or if they need to. You shouldn’t be an enabler of multiplicity. And never ask for alters by name, always address your granddaughter by her given name.

Wishing you a sense of calm while raising your grandchild.

All my best,

Karen

Comment by MJ on 11 Mar 2010 at 7:22 am

Hi Karen! So glad to have found you. Went to high school with you and you were one of the only nice people who didn’t treat me as a disabled person. You were my friend and respected me as if nothing was wrong with me. My being deaf never bothered you one bit. I knew you were being beaten, I saw your bruises freshman year, so sorry I wasn’t a better friend and did something. I teach the hearing impaired. I am proud of you for sharing your story. I know you help thousands of people every day. Once a kind heart, always a kind heart. May you be blessed forever more. Thank you for trusting me to read your story. It was powerful and truthful.

MJ

Dear MJ,

You were a great friend to me back in high school and I appreciate you never mentioning the bruises you saw. I always thought my bruises were hidden from view.  I dissociated all the abuse I suffered. If asked back then, I would not have been able to explain where my bruises came from.

When I make friends they are friends for life and the years that have separated us don’t mean anything. We will always be friends.

I am glad to hear you teach the hearing impaired. That’s the perfect job for the kind and patient woman you are. My best wishes for your continued success. And thank you for your honest feedback on my story. I’m glad I shared with you. I knew you would understand.

Karen

Comment by Keshia on 10 Mar 2010 at 8:10 am

It’s a good day, Karen.  Amazing me has just met amazing you through reading your story. I am blessed to find this blog. I sat up most of the night reading away and there’s more. Wisdom is your gift. I wish you happiness. I wish you love. Most of all I am honored to know another survivor. I myself survived child sexual abuse. I am not a multiple but your story helped me start my journey. Two and a half years ago I bought your book after seeing you on GMA. I doubt you know how many women started therapy after reading your story. I was one of them. Thank you for bringing a delicate shame out in the open for us to heal. I am getting better all the time. Today I woke thinking of you and said I need to write that woman, and here I am. Love you!!!!!!!!

Keshia

Dear Keshia,

Thank you so much for writing to me and sharing your thoughts two years after reading my story. I am always glad to hear stories such as yours. Sharing has given me purpose. I am touched by your kindness and glad to hear that reading my story has helped you start your own journey to wellness. That means so much to me. It’s always been my desire to encourage hope. 

Yes, we are survivors. And surviving multiplicity is only one step in coping with child sexual abuse. I admit it was difficult at first to share my story due to my own shame, but in my heart I knew without sharing the truth of my experiences, there would be no knowledge gained. It was important for me to share the reality of my journey to wellness. 

Thank you for all your compliments, for caring and for loving me. I truly feel blessed.

Karen

Comment by Autumn on 08 Mar 2010 at 6:55 pm

Dear Karen,

You simply are amazing. I just finished the book and I can hardly believe that just a little girl went through everything you did. And to have split yourself into seventeen to deal with it! You are remarkable. I hope you are enjoying your life with your children and I am glad that you are alive to this day.

Autumn

Dear Autumn,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I truly appreciate hearing them! I am doing my best to enjoy my life. My children are remarkable. I am proud of them for staying true to themselves and finding their own happiness. I’m happy to be alive and well. There was a time I never thought to see this day…each day is a miracle to me. I am blessed.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen