Comment by VMK MD on 01 Apr 2010 at 10:45 am

Karen,

After studying multiple personality disorder/dissociative identity disorder for over four years I have come to the conclusion you are the first fully documented case that is full-bodied. I would love to get my hands on your files to gain more knowledge. How can I accomplish this? I traveled ten states and met thirteen MPD patients claiming the illness. I was disappointed in the lack of fact and documentation. Not one, I repeat not one multiple could elaborate, kept journals and no history could be taken for authentication. How can I access your records? I am current with your blog. Great job. Your answers have formed the ground on which I am building my case study. It would be wise if Richard Baer was readily accessible. Your case is the first of it’s kind case.

VMK MD

Dear Dr. VMK,

How interesting!  Dr. Baer also feels my case is the first complete documented case, and I’ll take that as a compliment for me and Dr. Baer.  Since I was a young girl I’ve journaled about everything that happened in my life. Since I wasn’t allowed many friendships and was kept on a tight rein by my abusers, I formed a relationship with my journal, like a child telling all to a best friend. Sadly, in a fit of rage, my mother found my many black and white composition tablets filled with my thoughts and feelings she did not want anyone to see and burned them in the kitchen sink. I was devastated and felt as if I lost my best friend. But I started writing again in therapy many years later. Once I again took pen to paper, my story resumed in my journals.

I was fortunate to find Dr. Baer to accompany me on my journey. I never knew that my writings would eventually help him write a book about my story. It was much easier for me during therapy to describe my past abuse and experiences in a journal rather than talk about it. But therapy is about talking and once trust was established and there was no turning back, I talked. I believe writing helped my alters and me verbalize our inner pain to Dr. Baer. Dr. Baer rarely commented on them or appeared excited to receive my writings, but there I had a sense of calm knowing that I shared them with him. I believe Dr. Baer knew early on that I was to become an intense challenge to treat and he was careful to document everything my alters and I said and kept anything we gave him. In the beginning there was no thought of a book. There was simply an overload of information pouring out of me at a rapid pace and Dr. Baer had to find the way to catch it all to help me heal. It was Dr. Baer’s ability to keep everything organized that kept all our records perfectly in tact. I’m grateful for that. There would be no book if he hadn’t kept everything safe and preserved. My files are stored with Dr. Baer at this time.

Dr. Baer can be found on Facebook. Please contact him there if you would like to discuss accessing information on my therapy. But I have to warn you, there are thousands of pages!  I’m sure my files can’t be released at this time, but maybe a meeting with Dr. Baer will help you along with your interest in gaining knowledge.

Thank you for your compliments! Wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Susan on 27 Mar 2010 at 4:45 pm

Karen – I am delighted to find your blog. I am a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Clinical Hypnotherapist. Currently, I am working with a client who is “Many.” She is the most amazing person I have ever met and working with her has been heart-opening. She has made incredible progress in our time together (a lot because I listen to and trust her when she tells me what she needs and how to help her!).

Are you a counselor also? And if so, do you provide Supervision for therapists working with DID clients? I am in the Chicago area.

With blessings,

Susan

Dear Susan,

I am glad you found my blog! It’s nice to hear from someone who is working with a multiple and finds her amazing. Dr. Baer once told me that meeting and treating me was one of the most inspirational accomplishments in his life. I believe all multiples are unique. Each hopes to find someone empathetic enough to share the horror of her experiences. Your patient’s journey will time and again provide a sense of pride and accomplishment. I believe the incredible progress you are making with your client is the same incredible way I healed. Dr. Baer listened to me, allowed me and my alters to lead him, and he helped us with our needs. I was blessed to build trust and rapport with Dr. Baer.

Remember, alters are created to help one survive. My alters took care of me in the best way they could until, as an adult, their system was no longer needed. My alters needed guidance. I wasn’t functioning well; I felt suicidal and lost. Alter chaos happened. One of my alters was wise enough to realize I needed outside help. That’s when we found Dr. Baer.

I am not a therapist or counselor and can’t give advice. My opinions and comments come strictly from my own personal journey. It’s my desire to encourage hope through sharing my story. During my healing I never read about MPD or DID. I do not provide supervision for therapists or counselors, but I have shared my personal thoughts with many who have contacted me through Facebook. Therapists have told me that my non-professional views have been an asset to them. It’s a privilege for me to help.

I am so happy to hear your patient is doing well. Please know if I can be of help, you can contact me or Dr. Baer on Facebook.

Thank you for sharing!

Karen

Comment by Mrs. Winters, UK on 30 Mar 2010 at 8:42 am

Hello Karen and Richard,

Please let me know how the book is doing. I have never read such a powerful story before yours. There are millions of books out there. But during these hard times abuse victims need enlightenment on survival. It is my take on ‘A Life in Pieces’ to be something of a miracle story. Our world is in chaos. People need to hear through trauma there is hope and we can prevail from illness. I suffered depressive episodes. I could have extinguished my life and died. Keep on, Richard and Karen, keep on. Thank you.

Mrs. Winters, UK

Dear Mrs. Winters.

Our book is selling slow and steady. We hope my story, documented in Switching Time, continues to do good by encouraging hope and bringing knowledge of the incomprehensible illness, multiplicity, to everyone. Every day we are blessed with a few more sales and I smile knowing that through my story, someone may begin to heal. Many readers write and share how much reading my story has helped them overcome some obstacle in their life or from their past. For me, that’s a miracle in itself. I feel privileged to receive support and compliments from readers all around the world.

I believe we all travel our own journeys to wellness and in sharing our stories we learn something new about ourselves. I believe stories such as mine help bring healing when one recognizes that a part of my pain is within them, too.  Those of us who have suffered from abuse have similar feelings and hurts. It takes time to heal, and healing begins once the pain is confronted.

Thank you for wishing Dr. Baer and me to keep on. We most certainly will.

Karen

Comment by Martha on 30 Mar 2010 at 1:52 pm

Karen! I am excited for you! You were right on with your opinions and comments of the United States of Tara show. Diablo Cody herself quoted the following: ..the reason I couldn’t get past episode one.
 This show was just poorly written and embarrassing.
 I admire the fact that even she said she wouldn’t have watched the first season. It takes courage to admit your shortcomings and boy did this show have a lot.
 You are a true multiple Karen, Dr. Baer is a true psychiatrist. Why can’t the show hire you guys?
 All my wishes for good fortune sent your way. Blessings.

Martha

Dear Martha,

Thank you for believing I am right about USoT, but I am just one woman sharing my personal opinion. I am simply doing my best to help others understand the truth about multiplicity based on my own personal experiences. I am not a professional or an expert: just one woman who survived an illness.

Thank you for wishing Dr. Baer and I should be hired to help the writers of USoT. That’s a great compliment. It would be an honor to help the staff bring truth to the show. If asked, I would jump at the chance. But it’s not my story and I don’t believe the show’s staff wants realism. Though I have to admit some of what happened to my family and me could be material for a comedy. My early years were abusive, but my alters’ ways of helping me survive as a mother, wife, and worker had hysterically funny moments. I have hundreds of stories.

Thank you for your compliments, wishes of good fortune, and blessings. I’ll be watching the show and continuing to comment when I think it’s helpful.

Karen

Comment by Lesbo and proud on 28 Mar 2010 at 6:23 pm

Karen,

Were any of your alters gay? Were you gay before therapy? Is that why you went? Did you become gay after integration? Do you like women more? I mean, do you even like the male species since so many have hurt you? I am a lesbian who would rather kill a man then lay with him. Men are scumbag perverts. All of them. I have ten alters, all female, all hate men. I was raped but worse manipulated by every man I ever met. How could you heal with a male therapist? It must have been torturous.

Lesbo and proud.

Dear Proud to be a Lesbian,

No, not one of my alters was gay. Therefore, I was never gay before, during, or after therapy ended. I am a woman interested in male relationships. My past abuse at the hands of my male abusers did not ruin my relationships with men. I admit, many men have hurt me through their abusive actions, but not all men are scumbag perverts. The only men to be called that are those who are child predators and men who abuse women for their own individual sick pleasures. Killing men just because they are men is not something that I’d ever consider. I have met and befriended many dear men who have treated me with respect and unconditional love. I treasure my male relationships.

I don’t judge anyone who chooses to enter into gay relationships. I care for all people and believe each person deserves to be respected for who they are. I do not condone abusive relationships in any form. Abusers disgust me.

I can empathize with your female alters having issues with men after being abused and wanting to protect you from the men who have abused you. If true, it’s sad that every man you have ever known has manipulated you. My heart aches for you. I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion your anger hits too wide a mark. Men may have hurt you, but not all men will.

Please know that with help from a qualified therapist, you can change those dark thoughts and come to accept each man as an individual, instead of grouping all men together with the label of “scumbag perverts.” I once mistrusted all men myself. As a matter of fact, when I met Dr. Baer, I mistrusted him, too. But something happened and as time passed, I learned my anger wasn’t with all men, because my anger wasn’t with Dr. Baer. I learned my anger was really with my abusers. I learned to be able to accept, trust, and love men while in the safety of my therapy. I believe it was in my best interest to find a male therapist to accompany me. Please give yourself a chance. You could continue your relationships with women just they way you have been, but with the new freedom of shedding your anger towards men.

I wish you peace, understanding, happiness, and a sense of calm as you journey your own path to healing from past abuse.

Karen

Comment by Laurin on 28 Mar 2010 at 1:54 pm

Hello Karen,

I’ve just stumbled upon this website and read a few of the comments and questions that people are posting. I am in the midst of going through therapy in order to deal with DID and the abuse that has happened in my life. I haven’t read the book but there seems to be something about this site that triggers an angry feeling. When you talk about integration do you mean that you’ve destroyed your helpers? That’s what I call the alters. Or is it just that you have constant communication within you that allows you to be present for every situation you come across? I know there are different schools of thought on what constitutes ‘recovery’ of DID. What is your take on this?

Thank you.

Dear Laurin,

I am glad you wrote to me before reading my story during your own therapy. I can empathize with your angry feelings. It’s hard to read any material on multiplicity while in treatment yourself. That’s one reason I never read any MPD or DID books during my therapy years. I tried to but I always became overwhelmed with distress. You may not be aware of what triggered your anger because it may be unreachable, just under the surface. Perhaps your alters felt threatened because you pictured integration as your alters being destroyed? In my integration, nothing was lost, except the walls between the alters. No two cases are alike. It’s important to trust your instincts and let go of everyone else’s.

I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion I believe you are trying to understand what’s in store for you, in the best way you can, before you begin to integrate your alters.  Integration is not the killing or destroying of your helpers, or forgetting all that they have done for you. Integration is a merging, a blending, of all your alters within you, to become one person, with the pain of the past shared by all the parts of you together, so you can begin to come to terms with it.

Think of your alters in this way. Each alter is one piece of a puzzle, one part of a whole, and unless all pieces are inter-connected, you can’t see the whole picture of your past, present, or future life. I mourned the idea of each alter’s unique separateness leaving me, but by merging them together, I knew they were being blended within me. After all these years there are times when I feel a bit more like one of them. The feelings are subtle, but I welcome them, and I never add a past alter’s name to those thoughts. I am now one woman with a variety of interests. I never lost my alters. I carry them with me everyday, just not as separate parts of me. My alters are me. I am my alters.

My thought on recovery is being able to live my life as one, with the awareness that I will no longer lose time to another part of me. I am available as myself at all times. My thoughts are my thoughts and I never lose time. I don’t miss the exhaustion from alter chaos. I am living a life I once thought impossible.

I am a recovered integrated multiple. I am a survivor. Thank you for sharing.

Karen

Comment by Lauren on 31 Mar 2010 at 11:24 pm

Karen,

I just finished Dr. Baer’s book and had to immediately get online to write to someone about it; I’m lucky enough to be writing to you!

By the last few chapters I was pouring down tears. It’s been a rare occasion that I have been affected by a book as much as I was by this one, and by your story. What an unbelievable, moving, powerful story that had such a fulfilling ending.

One of the most interesting things I found was that I had developed feelings for each alter and was saddened to see some of them integrate! They were each such unique and fascinating pieces, so I can only imagine what a wonderful person you must be.

I wish you all the best and truly hope you are doing well! This book and your story will stay with me forever!

Dear Lauren,

I am touched by your kind thoughts about my alters as they each integrated. I know that both Dr. Baer and I had a hard time and missed them after they integrated, too!

As I re-read my own story, I can feel the love each of my alters held for “me” and all that they contributed to my survival.  I was afraid I’d lose them through integration, but I didn’t. Though it saddened me to part with their individuality, I was grateful they each merged within me. My alters will always be a part of me just not in their previous separate form. My alters are me. I am my alters. We are one.

Being able to visualize my alters through written words was such an important part of my healing. I’m so glad I kept journals, wrote about my experiences, and Dr. Baer documented all our work.  Dr. Baer and I made a great team.

Thank you for all your wonderful heartfelt compliments!  That means the world to me.

Karen

Comment by Kellie on 27 Mar 2010 at 4:41 am

Hi Karen,

Just wanted to say that your book is one of my favourite reads. It is a true testament to the capabilities of the human brain to be able to organise itself in such a way as to protect itself.

I am so glad that you and Dr Baer have succeeded in integrating the alters and I am sure that there are still times when you miss them.

Best wishes for the future Karen.

Kellie, Newcastle, Australia

Dear Kellie,

Thank you! I admit at times I miss my alters, but not in the way they once were. Integration is the merging of all alters into one complete personality. For me, each alter was one part of a whole, and not until integration did I feel complete as one woman. I believe my alters are me. And I am them.

I often describe my alters as pieces of an interlocking puzzle; without all the pieces, I would not be complete. My alters continue to be a part of my everyday life just not in the separate form they once were.  Time and again I would feel some small difference and assume that it came from one particular alter, and then as quickly as that thought would appear it would disappear. For example, once in a while a feeling would come over me, such as a simple desire or taste, that is out of my norm. It’s then I would think a former alter must have owned that feeling. All that I’ve experienced continues to be a mystery to me.

Thank you for your well wishes.

Karen

Comment by G Wayne, N.J. on 31 Mar 2010 at 8:19 am

Dear Karen,

Just finished reading your book. I can’t believe I am sitting here writing you when my world outside the door is devastating. Our whole town is flooded, no electricity and my laptop will soon die but I might die to. Two days ago I wanted to suicide. Thought I’d wait a day. In the process I picked up your book thinking it would do the trick. Instead I read and fell asleep to wake to horns blaring and being told to evacuate. My family wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon so I lay there finishing reading your book. I could have been helping out in some way but my body and mind froze. I think you know that feeling. Anyway I’m still here in a safe place both physically and mentally. I changed my mind. Seeing floods and people crying and knowing the horror you survived all at the same time made my problems miniscule. Got to go. Do you remember writing you believed things happen for a reason? I think I found reason. As crazy as I sound I dont think I can end my life now because theres too much work to do to help. I am 16 and have three younger sisters who need me, they are 4, 7, and 14. Good book. Made me feel something I never did before.

G

Wayne, N.J.

Dear G,

I’m sorry to hear all that you and your family are going through at this time. I’ve never lived in an area that flooded. I can only imagine how devastating that can be. My prayers are with all those who are working hard to get their lives back on track. Good luck to you.

Thank you for sharing your personal story. I’m so glad you chose not to suicide and “wait” a day. I believe that was fate and meant to be. I can understand you feeling so badly that life appeared to be not worth living, but that’s not you thinking, it’s the dark thoughts that come when you feel depressed and are unable to comprehend the pain your are feeling. Talking to someone can help. Please seek a qualified therapist to help you start your journey to wellness.

I understand the feeling when your mind and body freezes and leaves you feeling paralyzed and unable to help. That’s a feeling of depression. I’ve been there and know that feeling well. It’s hard to fight it off and get moving, but I assure you with help you will come to understand why you become frozen. Once you acknowledge the “why” it becomes easier to move forward and heal.

I am glad you are here to help your sisters and family. And I am glad that my story changed something important within you.  Wishing you all my best for a safe journey.

Karen

Comment by Fred on 27 Mar 2010 at 4:23 pm

Hi Karen,

Thank you for making my life easier. You see, my girlfriend claimed to be a multiple like you and kept me trapped because I felt sorry for her. Lo and behold I read your book and started watching her closely. Guess what? She is not a multiple but a manipulator. Turns out she read your book a few years ago. Her story is your story to a T. She even named her alters after yours, the same as you just to keep them straight. I had dated her for two years right after your book came out. Want to know how stupid she is? She told me to read about her illness so I went to the bookstore and scanned the shelves, found yours and bought it! Can you believe my luck to pick your book out of the few others? Well, I am happy for you and have one question. How many people do you think fake being a multiple?

Thank you life saver. I broke up with her. Oh, I almost forgot when I broke up with her she said one of her alters Miles was going to kill me. So happy to be single again. I was willing to deal with the mpd stuff but can’t deal with a liar.

Love, Frederick

Dear Frederick,

Thank you for sharing! I have no idea why anyone would want to make up having multiplicity. The illness is not fun. I’m not sure why your friend would use the same alter names as mine and then tell you to read for more information. I have read a few stories on how some people need to draw negative attention to themselves. I believe this is an illness in itself. I hope your friend seeks professional help for what she has done. In the meantime, you might talk with someone about your experiences and feelings of betrayal. What your friend has done by falsifying an illness must have broken your heart.

I wish you a sense of calm knowing that you have gained the knowledge required to move forward, away from manipulation.  I haven’t met many people who are a multiple, but some I’ve met didn’t seem to be honest.  I found myself questioning myself and them. Not that I didn’t believe their multiplicity, how could I really know, but I simply found their stories hard to believe. My own story may be hard to believe, but I actually lived it. I am a sensitive person and often can tell a fake. Multiplicity is not something to take lightly.

Thank you,

Karen