Comment by Bethany Michelle on 24 Jun 2010 at 10:25 am

Dear Karen.

You are a kind hearted person to answer questions after being hurt. I admire your courage but question how you do it? I am a survivor of rape and child sexual abuse. I am not mpd or did but often dissociate my pain. Like you I have fantasies and dreams of a better life but can’t seem to be bothered with sharing like you do. Why is that so? If someone approaches you with all their troubles and woes what do you say to them? How do you not become frustrated? I would like to know.

Bethany Michelle, Colorado

Dear Bethany Michelle,

I’m not sure how I’m able to listen to people, but I do. And I don’t mind. I was listening to others as a young girl of nine. Every day after dinner I would visit many who lived on my block. I would start with my next-door neighbors, sit and listen to their stories for about ten minutes, move down a few houses, do the same thing, and repeat. I would visit about a dozen on both sides of the block and end up at an ice cream parlor where the kind man who owned it listened to me. I never shard my pain with him, only the good, helpful things, but I felt good about doing so. The many neighbors who believed me to be thoughtful and wise started looking forward to my visits and soon would worry if I didn’t show up. Those were fond memories in my otherwise dysfunctional world. Somehow listening to others temporarily took away the pain I suffered inside. Distraction?  I always feel good while listening. It comes naturally to me. It’s what I do and is part of my purpose.

What do I do when people approach me with their troubles and woes? I simply listen and never question or advise them. I admit, I can get frustrated, too! But all in all, I have quite a bit of tolerance and have the ability to adapt to each person. I try my best to take care of myself first. If I feel threatened or irritated, I take a deep breath, change the subject, or leave. We are all human and no matter how hard we try, there will be times when enough is enough.

I believe in treating others as we ourselves hope to be treated.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Sarah on 18 Jun 2010 at 3:40 am

Hi, Karen

I have some short questions to ask you, if you don’t mind.

-Have you met anyone important in your love life ever since you recovered?

-Do you still keep in contact with Dr. Baer?

-Do you still receive memories even now?

That’s all I have to ask. I literally just finished the book. Got it the day before yesterday. [=

With much appreciations and gratitude,

Sarah (age 16)

Dear Sarah,

WOW! Such interesting questions…

No, I haven’t met that special someone yet, but you never can tell. I believe there is someone out there for me to share my life with and that someday we’ll meet.

Yes, Dr. Baer and I still communicate. We continue to work together to share my story, and we get together now and then to chat. Dr. Baer and I continue to share a respectful friendship.

In regards to receiving memories… I don’t receive any new ones. I believe by now I have experienced all the old memories, but there are times I’m surprised that something familiar may trigger up an old dark thought or memory. I’m thankful those moments come and go quickly, fading as times passes. I don’t dwell on what’s past; that pain belongs in my past, not my present, and is certainly not welcomed in my future. I just take one day at a time and try my best to move forward.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen

Comment by Candace on 16 Jun 2010 at 7:03 pm

Hi Karen Read you book and I am beyond speechless. I was horrible to judge you before reading your story two years ago. My friend said you book was the greatest read and I laughed it off as another Sybil like story, untrue and false. The book sat there on my shelf undisturbed since Random House publication date. I was dusting, yes, cleaning my book shelf and ready to donate your book away along with the others occupying space and not to be considered a good read. But then it hit me. I read your intro about what happened at the birth of your daughter. I was intrigued. Didn’t finish dusting that day but read your whole book. What a testimony of strength. What an amazing read. What an amazing adventure of therapist and patient. I felt the love hate pull. Love the book. Thank you!

Dear Candace,

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m touched by your kind compliments. I’m smiling that you read on after the introduction instead of discarding my story! That is a priceless moment to me. I’m glad to hear you put off your dusting for another day.

Your story reminded me of a poem that once hung over my children’s crib. “Dusting and Cleaning can wait ’til tomorrow, for babies grow up we know to our sorrow; So quiet down cob webs and dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep”. I found that the best things in life come at unexpected moments like the one you shared with me. I’m happy that my story turned out to be an amazing day’s adventure in reading for you.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Megan on 16 Jun 2010 at 3:55 pm

Hi Karen:

I am a licensed marriage & family therapist and work for a health insurance company. We had our regular staffing of cases today and a patient with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) was discussed. I found the link to this website via Google and have shared it with my clinical team.

As we were discussing DID, I immediately thought of my experience of reading Dr. Baer’s book and your story while on vacation in 2007.

I think it is crucial for mental health professionals to attempt in as much as they are able to “fully understand” this diagnosis. Switching Time helped me better understand DID as a professional. I cannot think of a better resource than Dr. Baer’s book and your story of walking toward healing, one foot in front of the other, even when you struggled.

Thank you again for your contributions to the behavioral health field. I am hopeful that any pending revisions of the DID diagnosis in the soon-to-be DSM-V (as are rumored to be in the works) are not done hastily and proper consultation with professionals actively treating patients with DID is taken into consideration.

Hoping all is well in your “neck of the woods”.

Dear Megan,

You’re welcome! Thank you for sharing such a wonderful story! I am touched that Switching Time has made a difference in the lives of many who read it. And it is my and Dr. Baer’s hope that the illness will be represented with greater knowledge and respect in the new upcoming DSM-V.

Thank you for thinking of me and remembering my story and Dr. Baer’s work during your staff meeting. Dr. Baer worked very hard to treat me and kept very detailed files on my case.

All is well in my neck of the woods! Hope all is well in yours….

Karen

Comment by Marilyn on 04 Jun 2010 at 9:28 pm

Dear Karen,

I finished listening to Switching Time on audiobook today and was so impressed to learn through you how resourceful and protective the human psyche can be, especially with God’s Grace. I am a therapist and your story taught me the reality of MPD. Should a client with your degree of challenges and adaptation be led to me, I feel that I will understand these defenses and how to better treat the person because of Dr Baer and you.

Thank you for bringing so much humanity through your journey and for giving understanding to those who need to hear your story. Your purpose shines through.

May God continue to bless you.

Dear Marilyn,

Thank you so much for your confidence in my story. Dr. Baer and I shared a remarkable, once in a lifetime journey, and have worked hard together to share our journey with the world. I believe it is teamwork at it’s best!

It’s nice to hear that Switching Time brought knowledge, awareness, and understanding to the illness I suffered. I’ve been fortunate to have received the best help.

I’m glad to hear you believe my purpose for sharing shines through! That’s what keeps me going: encouraging hope through sharing my story.

Thank you,

Karen

Comment by Roxanne on 14 Jun 2010 at 6:04 am

Good morning, Karen!

Thank you! You made my life a whole lot less complicated by sharing your story. I couldn’t understand my grief. Now I am in therapy and working hard to deal with my past abuse. I am not a multiple but that dont matter. I was severely sexually abused and your story spoke to me too. I read one of your answers and you are right- trying to forget is not an option. Thank you for that! I tried and tried to forget. I thought I was not brave when my abuse seeped back into my life ten fold just like you described it would. You are an amazing woman. Don’t know you but your help surely was worth it’s weight in gold. Did you ever imagine yourself as a therapist? You would be excellent in that area. Your calm demeanor and advice is right on target. Are you sure you haven’t trained in psych? I wish you a life time of good things. Love you!

Roxanne

New York

Dear Roxanne,

I am glad to hear that my story inspired you to seek help for yourself. That’s what I desire for my story to do: encourage hope.

Yes, trying to forget is not an option, so please take time to heal, and know that your healing begins when you are able to acknowledge your past, talk about it, and move forward as your best self.

A therapist? Me? Thank you for believing I would make a good therapist. I love what I do but never thought to major in psychology. But I’ve been blessed by my experiences and learned a great deal about how to help others. It’s never too late; maybe someday I will become one. I presently work as an administrator for a counseling center and take thirty to fifty calls a day. I do my best, and am able to triage all those seeking help. I love my job and my ability to take in very stressful situations without flinching.

Thank you for having faith in me and wishing me a lifetime of good things! I truly appreciate hearing from you.

Karen

Comment by Michael on 14 June 2010 at 8:06 pm

Karen!

Seriously! Why no movie deal yet? I want to see YOUR story in film. Now get Richard Baer to move his hieney to make it happen! He knows what to do! Has he given up? If he has that is so cruel and unfair to your survival. If he is intelligent as you claim to believe he is then what’s wrong with his brain? Selfishness? What? What kind of man helps a woman survive and gives up? Tell me, Karen? Do you really need his permission to sign your own deal? Movie. yes. Documentary. Yes. Do it!

Michael

UK

Dear Michael,

Thank you for believing a movie would help bring knowledge and support to all those who suffer or know of someone who suffers from this incomprehensible illness. That means a lot to me. But Dr. Baer doesn’t decide on whether a movie is to be made. Dr. Baer hasn’t given up; we have received some nibbles for a movie or documentary, but nothing definite yet!

There may be a movie or documentary in our future. You never can tell. I prefer to never say never!

Karen

Comment by Harry on 12 Jun 2010 at 6:01 pm

Hi Karen,

I have no idea how you could survive. Amazing! Thank you for allowing us to experience something extraordinary. I love the woman you have become. Kind and spirited.

Harry

Dear Harry,

You’re welcome! Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I have no idea how I survived myself! But I’m grateful to have a caring therapist and supportive friends. Besides, I have faith. And faith brings hope for healing and a better life.

Karen

Comment by Savannah on 12 Jun 2010 at 3:38 pm

Hello Karen,

I have DID as well, and am attempting to coexist with 7 others. How did you come to realize that you had alters? I come from an extremely abusive childhood as well, and my only hope is that one day i can just be me. no memory losses, time losses, depression or anxiety. just me. the hardest part of dealing with DID is other’s disbelief of my mental state. they want “proof”. i think they just want a show, and that that’s a horrible thing to ask someone. ..have you ever felt you were on display? or has anyone close to you ever refuse to believe in your DID?

Dear Savannah,

I’m sorry to hear that you were a victim of childhood abuse, too. Yes, there were a few times someone wished me to produce proof of my multiplicity and asked that I switch to another alter so they could see for themselves. Some even tried to provoke a “switch” in me. But I kept this private. Sometimes I walked away. I chose not to share too much of my life, therapy sessions, or past history in order to protect myself from that sort of attention. I believe people are curious to see something bizarre; encouraging them was not in my best interest. There is an assumption that multiplicity is just an act, but it’s a true illness that most people simply don’t understand. There is a reason why alters are created. To cope with being severely abused as a child.

During my journey, my alters were there to keep me out of the limelight, help me survive, and protect me from harm. My alters would appear not on command, but as needed if there was a threat towards me.  That’s one reason why I share my story, to provide truth to a misperceived illness that most find hard to believe.

I tried to co-exist with my alters, but that did not work for me. Co-existing with my alters proved to cause more chaos than help. Integration was the best choice for me. The only way to one day become one, as you wish to be, is through integration. My alters merged within me. They are all a part me. I am my alters. The difference is there are no separate distinct alters switching throughout my everyday life. I deal with life as one woman with a variety of interests.

Wishing you a safe journey.

Karen

Comment by Carol on 09 Jun 2010 at 3:21 pm

Hello Karen,

Your book was powerful and moving to me. My dear father was abused, never split, but did kill himself at 43 (I was 17). Now I live with a friend 42 who is deeply depressed due to continual physical abuse when a child, and I strive to help him as he will not seek a therapist. Your amazing story has showed me ways to tell him that, while he has a sad and despairing side, he also has an extremely strong side of himself, a side with faith, a side that holds up fairness and truth — I’ve been able to clearly discern how many attributes we all have that can counter and help one survive the terrible memories.

Reading a recent post of yours, I do agree that he must recall and acknowledge what happened to him, to lessen the control it all has over him. He weeps every time he says how he was hurt (mostly bashing in the head with ceramic, glass mug, against the stone wall, etc.), and how he didn’t deserve that as a child. He does not want to remember and cry, but it seems his reaction lessens the more he says the words. I’m doing the best I can to help him, am committed to him, and pray for his healing. Your book has given me so many insights into surviving the pain. Thank you, and God bless the work you are doing here.

Carol

Dear Carol,

Thank you for sharing! I’m sorry to hear of your father’s suicide and your friend’s struggle from past abuse. I believe your simply being there for him during this time will be of help. During my healing I felt alone when my ex-husband chose not to listen. I couldn’t talk about my past with anyone but my therapist. I longed for someone to care for me as you care for your friend.

Abuse is abuse, and healing from abuse is a life-long journey. I have learned that no matter how hard I fought my own dark thoughts, they continued to trigger in me time and again. Though I am not a therapist, in my opinion, I found my strength talking in the safety of my therapist’s office. As therapy progressed, my triggers lessened to a tolerable level, and that’s when my healing began. Talk therapy is best. I believe the best we can do is try to take a deep breath, acknowledge each memory, accept the dark feelings as belonging in the past, feel them, let them go, and try one’s best to move forward.

Please know that a time will come when your friend will know he needs help, a time when he can no longer deny his pain, and he will seek it.  When he is ready, listen and gently guide him, without telling him what he should or should not do. I started therapy when I felt beyond repair, lost hope, and my faith was tested.

I understand why your friend does not wish to remember. No one wishes to remember past abuse, cry, and feel the pain of past. But sadly, it’s not something one can control. I tried to hide my pain, but that only made me ill; carrying the past was like carrying my coffin strapped on my back. It was heavy, awkward, and disabled me from moving forward.

Wishing you and your friend my best! Have faith and healing will follow.

Karen