Comment by Ben on 11 Aug 2010 at 1:22 am

Hello Karen,

If I was a man suffering from abuse I would be happy to learn from you but I am not. I never was abused but cried when I read your book. I never imagined what a life of abuse could be but in your book it was fully understood. I would like to know more like how you managed to live your life as a mom, work and make new acquaintances after beaten to near death emotionally and physically. Are you considering writing another book? Maybe a memoir? I would buy it so that’s one book pre-sold.

Ben

Dear Ben,

Thank you for sharing! I’m glad to hear that you were never abused. It’s important to me to hear from those like you who can’t understand why anyone can abuse a child. It’s sad.  My story is no doubt a difficult and emotional read, but it was necessary to share the trauma of what can happen to a child when repeatedly abused. I can sense you felt my pain. I’m sorry my story brought you to tears but glad that you came to an understanding of abuse.

I am currently working on the sequel to Switching Time. It is my hope that it will be taken seriously and published some day. In my book I share all the stories questioned about my being a Mom, relationships, the good, the bad, the ugly, betrayal, starting over and so much more. I believe it’s an important next step to my healing.

Thank you for caring and for my first pre-sale!

Karen

Comment by Loretta B. on 10 Aug 2010 at 7:29 pm

Hi Karen!

As a nurse on a psych unit I wanted to share how much your story helped me in the empathy department. I could not comprehend a multiple world until I read your story. Thank you for sharing and providing a much needed light towards new communication. It sure was worth my time reading. I am a better nurse for it, if that matters?

Loretta

Dear Loretta,

You’re welcome! And, yes, it does matter that you believe you are a better psych nurse after reading my story! Thank you for honestly sharing that you once did not comprehend the illness. That is why I shared my story, to help provide the much needed knowledge about an unbelievable diagnosis. Multiplicity is an incomprehensible illness that many find false and frustrating. I know for sure that treating me overwhelmed Dr. Baer. It’s not easy to deal with one patient yet alone many in one.

I am glad to hear my story has helped you in the empathy department. I am smiling!

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Karen Staffordon 05 Aug 2010 at 10:52 am

Hi, your FB friend here. I finished reading your book and wow! I am amazed that you survived your life and are now whole and healthy. You are Dr. Baer are both amazing people. You inspire me!

Dear Karen,

Thank you for sharing and for your compliments! I am touched by your note and appreciate your kind thoughts.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Carrie on 02 Aug 2010 at 12:35 pm

Dear Karen,

Your message at the end of the book to watch with fresh eyes the children in our lives moved me. It gave me hope. I feel so often that there’s not much I can do but pray for abused children. Thank you for the idea to pray specifically that these children will be unafraid to tell someone. God bless!

Dear Carrie,

Thank you so much for keeping abused children in your prayers. That’s all that I can hope for. It continues to sadden me whenever I hear of a child being abused. What frightens me most is that children continue to be abused despite all the awareness and knowledge given by media.  I pray that all people not turn a blind eye when abuse is suspected. It is my hope children are taught to take care of themselves and trust their instincts.

When I was a child not much was spoken about abuse. I grew up assuming all children were abused like me. Keeping secrets… I always felt to blame. No child should ever feel that they deserved to be abused.

God bless you.

Karen

Comment by Lynda on 27 Jul 2010 at 6:52 pm

Hi Karen,

Your story shook me. I am pleased to be able to write to you. I was raped as a child and never got over it. I am not sure how to start getting help. What do you need to do? If I make an appointment with a therapist how do I build a relationship? What will therapist need from me? Do therapists require proof of sexual abuse from another source like a police report? Would a therapist call my abusers and tell them I am in therapy? would my therapist contact the police? I don’t know how safe therapy is. How did you find out you can trust Doctor Baer? Did he tell you to trust him or was it some kind of feeling you had? Well that’s it for now. You are my inspiration. I hope to heal like you did.

Thank you for your time.

Lynda

Dear Lynda,

I am sorry to hear that you are also a victim of abuse. I know it’s difficult to comprehend all that you have gone through and find a therapist to accompany you on your journey. It was hard for me to build trust with Dr. Baer, too. Please know that there is no quick fix or way to heal from the past. For me, it took many years to find relief and build trust. Once abused those fears tend to permeate in every area of one’s life. Trying to make that first step to seek help is hard but necessary. Please don’t try to ignore the signs that keep you stuck in your past. That will only keep you feeling ill. Never getting over it is like saying your abusers won. Please don’t allow those who have abused you to keep you a prisoner of the present and future. You survived, now it’s time to heal…

Therapy really does help. It’s hard at first, I won’t lie, but I would not have survived without the help of sharing with my therapist. In a good therapeutic relationship your therapist will not judge you, tell you what to do, or make you feel guilty about your experiences and feelings. He or she will listen intently and help you understand your own thoughts. Think of your therapist as a wall to bounce your own thoughts off of. A therapist does not heal you; a therapist helps you heal yourself. Your therapist does not need anything from you but a promise that you are serious about wanting to heal.

There is no need to provide proof of being abused. No need to provide police reports, unless you want to share them with your therapist. It’s up to you. Most victims never talk about being abused until they share in the safety of therapy. I believe you already know that you want to heal. A good therapist will not call the police and report your abusers unless you want his help to do so. He will talk to you about it and you will decide together on what actions to take, if any, and your therapist will never call your abusers and let them know you are in therapy. That’s a violation of his license and against the ethics required to treat patients.

A good therapist will never tell his patient to trust him.  That’s silly.  Trust needs to be earned over time through mutual respect. Remember your therapist is working for you and will do all that’s necessary to help you. Therapy felt safe to me. It’s my hope that you, too, will find the right therapist to accompany you on your journey. If I were you I would seek help as soon as possible. Before revealing all on the first visit, take time to build rapport with your chosen therapist. Once you feel comfortable you will be able to move forward at your own speed. It takes time to heal. Please don’t give up. I’ve built the most amazing relationship that ultimately led to my healing.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! I have faith in you. Please take care of yourself.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Susan on 30 Jul 2010 at 1:51 pm

Hi Karen,

Do you have any idea how I might find others with DID who are chronologically over 55 years old? We seem to face slightly different struggles living with multiplicity in later years.

Thanks,

Susan

Dear Susan,

I’m sorry, I have no idea where to find others with D.I.D. I’m sure there must be Web sites and groups that may have information for you.  I’ve found it best not to delve into more information than I can handle regarding information on D.I.D. I believe that’s what has kept me healthy.

My desire is to encourage hope through sharing my story, one person at a time. I can’t imagine being a part of a group discussion, but I have always longed to speak to others of our age who have survived through therapy, relationships, and integration, including those who are just beginning to explore their illness.

You are correct regarding slightly different struggles for those of us who are over fifty. I believe the older we are the more knowledge we have to share and compare. I would love to hear more of your journey. You never can tell… we may be going through similar experiences and can learn from each other.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Alexandria on 20 Jul 2010 at 6:16 pm

Dear Karen,

I bet you can do anything! I can’t imagine the thoughts you generate in a day. Do you still have alter nightmares when you become overwhelmed with life? How do you seem to function without chaos? I am in AWE of you! You are AWESOME! Never forget who you are—–One of God’s truest miracles. Celebrate, Karen!

Alexandria

Dear Alexandria,

I try my best to live my best life. I believe anyone can do anything if they believe they can. It’s true my thoughts keep going and going. I rarely rest. But I have channeled those thoughts into writing my sequel. I have much to write about and I love to write. Regarding chaos? Who is to say that there is no chaos in life? I believe we each tend to our own chaos in our own way. Life can be chaotic for most but that changes once one learns how to manage their own life.

I no longer suffer from alter nightmares. Those dreams have been replaced by more pleasant dreams. I do, on occasion, have a nightmare that wakes me in the middle of the night but I rarely recall what the nightmare was. It seems that the horror of my past never resurfaces in the form of a dream. I am grateful to be at peace. I won’t forget where I came from or who I am.

Thank you for your compliments and blessings. I truly appreciate hearing from you.

Karen

Comment by Justine on 19 Jul 2010 at 7:01 pm

Dear Karen,

I read Switching Time in one day. It was the most amazing book I have ever read. Your strength has helped me so much! I was molested as a child by my mothers boyfriend (most was suppressed memory until recently) and in some way your story helped me move on. I was wondering (if this is personal I apologize) do you ever miss the other personalities. I have a Charlie and sometimes he is nice….but other times not so much…..we had an argument today about suicide. I told him we cant do that…that if he kills me he dies too…he wasn’t too happy when I said that. My therapist knows about him…not what we talk about…just that he talks to me…alot…he’s been really angry these past few days (a few of my triggers were pulled and he’s frustrated) I just….guess I’m wondering how you coped with all of them and if he goes away would I miss him.

Justine

Dear Justine,

Thank you for sharing your concerns with me. My alters merged within me, so I am my alters, and my alters are me.  Altogether we are one woman. I don’t miss my past individual alters, as they once were, because they are and will always be a part of me. But I do, at times, miss the idea of having an alter to escape to. There are times when reality becomes difficult and I wonder what it would be like to lose time to an alter. After a temporary, misguided moment of fantasy I come to my senses. My alters were unique, individual, much loved and needed during my childhood, but caused chaos in my adult life.

I remember the inner arguments my alters had with each other, and found speaking to my therapist was the best way to help resolve those issues. Most likely there has been a misunderstanding that has led to your alter disagreement. Once it’s cleared up and you’re guided in the right direction, all should settle down. At least for me, talking through my thoughts with Dr.Baer helped defuse my thoughts of suicide. Your therapist is working to help you. Please don’t hide these feelings from him. Share with your therapist what you’ve shared with me.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey to healing.

Karen

Comment by Delores on 09 Sep 2010 at 11:54 am

Dear Karen,

I just finished your book and there are not enough words to express my feelings. My heart goes out to you in so many ways, having experienced the time losses you described and the disassociations. You are a strong and sensational woman. One of my questions is, how did (if you were able to) come to understand Jesus after you were reintegrated? I still struggle with that – although not so much understanding Jesus but believing in a church and doctrines.

Bless you – always.

Dear Delores,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and compliments! Just sharing that you finished reading my story means a lot to me. I understand that it can be overwhelming and hard to take, but it was important to share in hope to bring understanding and knowledge to a much misconstrued illness. I can hear in your voice that you have taken the journey along with me. And I truly appreciate you for sharing your experience reading it.

I also understand your struggle.  I also continue to struggle with church and doctrines. But I believe Jesus loved me from early on, although I admit I could never understand why I never received His help in the many ways I asked Him throughout the years. As I moved forward after integration, I knew in my heart that God could not have prevented the abuse that happened to me.

I believe God gave me the greatest gift of all; dissociation, a coping mechanism to help me survive until I was ready to deal with my inner injuries. As a child, I was unable to help myself and received alter help. As an adult, my need for alters diminished and were no longer needed in the same way.

My faith was tested many times. I lived most of my years feeling spiritually drained, but hopeful. Time and again I wanted to die, for I assumed my pain was greater than I was. But it wasn’t. I prayed for strength, and as time passed, I became stronger. My healing started once I learned about trust, patience, love, support, kindness and unconditional care. I received these in the form of a gift from God. I believe my therapy and relationship with Dr. Baer was God sent. I believe that Jesus never left me and cried along side me all the time.

Though raised in the Catholic church, I have yet to feel at home in any one particular church. Please know that what happened to me was not the fault of any one church, but by sick, perverted men who claimed their Catholic faith gave them the right to abuse under God’s name.

Thank you for your thought provoking questions. It’s my hope that I have made some sense.

Karen

Comment by Taylor on 09 Sep 2010 at 12:02 am

Dear Karen,

I discovered your story in a library. The front cover page is what got my attention. In a hurry, not even reading the summary to it, I took it. I read the summary and took the sticker off the front, (sorry, had to) and saw the subtitle, “A doctor’s harrowing story of treating a woman with 17 personalities”. I immediately had to read it. Once I started reading, I couldn’t set the book down. It took about 3 days to read it. I finally finished it today! It was amazing. I loved your story! It’s the best book I’ve ever read. Though I’m 16, it was alot for me to take in. I believe you’re a remarkable person. You have no clue what kind of impact you have made on me and I’m sure you’ve made more on others.
I hope everything is well for you!
I have a couple of questions:
is the picture on the front yours?
How’re your children?
Do you still speak to your mother?
How did you forgive everyone?
I really hope things are well.
GOD BLESS YOU!

Dear Taylor,

Thank you for sharing! I know my story is a lot to take in, but it was necessary to share all in order to bring knowledge and understanding to my previous illness.

The front cover of the hardback edition of Switching Time was designed by an artist at Random House. The picture is not of me, but I think it portrayed a vulnerable girl very well.

My children are both doing very well and are happily building their future. My daughter is in college and employed full-time and my son and his wife are happily married for over a year now! I am blessed.

In regards to talking to my mother…yes, we do speak, but I do not share close discussions with her. We talk more about her and her life, rarely about me. I chose to forgive my mother and all my abusers. If I did not forgive those who hurt me, then I would not have been able to let go of my pain and move on. I wanted to live and feel free from the burden I carried.

Thank you for all your compliments!

Karen