Comment by Kenzie on 25 Mar 2011 at 7:57 am

Good day, Karen!

Kim, the MPD woman on the Oprah show said she can’t be integrated. That it’s not possible? Why? What do you think about her statement? You are an inspiration to me. Thank you.

Kenzie, UK

Dear Kenzie,

Thank you for asking! I’m not sure, and I’ve never met or spoken to Kim. But we did share an article together a few years ago when both of our stories ran side by side. I can’t answer for Kim, but in my opinion, based on my personal experience, I would guess that she’s not ready to integrate. I don’t believe in the word “can’t” when it refers to integration. For a multiple like me or Kim to heal, integration is a must. I have no regrets and would welcome talking integration over with her.

I believe Kim simply does not wish to integrate based on her own personal experience. Through the help of her therapist, Kim has had quite a bit of exposure. I was fortunate not to have shared my story before integration.  Dr. Baer respected the confidentiality and boundaries of our relationship. He didn’t share with news media before we talked about it, and I expressed an interest in helping others who have suffered as I have, and then only when I was safe and well into the next phase of my journey, after integration. I believe too much exposure has led to Kim’s not moving forward with integration.

Hope my answers helps.

Karen

Comment by Cyndi on 18 Mar 2011 at 6:14 am

Dear Karen,

What’s up? If you are there please let us know? Heard a rumor you were seriously or critically ill? Is there anything we can do to cheer you up as you do all of us? Does Dr. Baer care enough to let us know about your well being? do you need someone to listen to you? Crazy days happen. Illness happens. Praying for your safety. Love to hear from you. Me and a few of my classmates here in Kentucky.

Cyndi, and Becca, Shannon, Mari and Fiona

Dear Cyndi, Becca, Shannon, Mari and Fiona,

I’m here, but I’m just a bit behind in my Web posting as I take another road on my journey to wholeness. I have recently moved from Chicago to Texas and doing my best to adjust to my new surroundings. I have been missing my Chicago connections but making new friends in Texas. Please know that I will always do my best to answer questions here, on Facebook, on Sam’s “All Things Relevant” motivational radio program, and more.

I thank God I’m not seriously or critically ill, but just living my life to my best ability.  I’m so happy to hear from everyone. What’s makes me happy is knowing that so many care about me and continue to pray and support my well-being. I’m blessed because of friends like you. Thank you!

I’m sure that if something would happen to me, Dr. Baer would post a comment and share!  I agree, we all need someone to talk to. I’m no different. When I need to, I call Dr. Baer and he listens. We have a very special respectful relationship and I know he cares and will always be there for me. Of course I have crazy days at times, but I have learned so much from Dr. Baer that whenever I am having one of those days, I think of him and already know what he would say. I’ve learned my lessons well.

Thank you all for writing to me, sharing and caring!

Love always, Karen

Comment by Kelly on 15 Mar 2011 at 11:40 pm

I have read this book at least 4 times. I love it and I feel so bad that you went through this in your life.

I’m glad your doing better though!

Dear Kelly,

Thank you for sharing! Four times! WOW! You’ve read it more than I have!  I appreciate your kind thoughts. Please don’t feel bad. I am doing better and continue to be my best self and live the life I once only dreamt of.

Wishing you a wonderful day!

Karen

Comment by John on 15 Mar 2011 at 3:40 am

Dear Karen,

I have read your book with great interest and would greatly value your opinion on the following.

While researching a book on a Dutch cult, I came across an alleged cult member, who was also a victim, who claimed to be physically unable to reveal the secrets because one of her alters believed that a wild panther has been sown in her stomach. If ever the cult member was tempted to reveal the secret, this alter would become very agitated because she believed the panther started moving and was scared it would tear her insides.

Does such a story sound theoritically credible to you as a mechanism for keeping the abuse secret?

Kind regards,

John

Dear John,

Yes, it does! During the many years I endured abuse my system and alters needed to protect me to the best of their ability. There were alters who guarded my secrets so well that they even threatened to kill anyone, including Dr. Baer, who found out. Time and again during therapy, when on the verge of sharing the details of my abuse, I’d become ill. It turned out that my feeling ill, distressed, and severe headaches came from the mere thought of exposing my dark thoughts and horror. At times I feared someone would come after Dr. Baer and kill him just because I was his patient.

Dr. Baer was able to access a safe room within me during our hypnosis sessions where my alters were able to feel secure and share. Trusting Dr. Baer and his assuring me that he could take care of himself and handle whatever my alters told him eventually allowed my secrets to unfold. It takes time to build trust. My fears lessened as I shared. I assumed my secrets were more powerful than God. I was wrong. Dr. Baer taught me to stay on the side of reality. At first I told him “My reality is different than yours,” but he would bring me right back to reality. This cult member may have been told this story about the panther by her abusers to try to keep their secrets, and a child part of her could have believed it, so the story could theoretically be true.

It is my hope that I have helped in some way. Wishing you all my best during your research.

Karen

Comment by Nicki on 06 Mar 2011 at 10:42 pm

This is the first time I could not put down a book. I am so intrigued by your story, and you are so inspiring to know that no matter how difficult life can be, everything turns out to be okay.

Dear Nicki,

Life is a never-ending journey to become your own best self. I appreciate your kind thoughts. Thank you! Living is a challenge but knowledge helps each of us move forward.  I learn something new about myself each day and was fortunate to find the right help at the right time. Dr. Baer was God sent. My life is a blessing.  Never ever give up hope because hope is right around the corner.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Becca on 04 Mar 2011 at 1:30 am

Hi, im 15 years old and from new zealand. I was also sexually abused. not as bad as your abuse though, When it happend and after i reported it, i was suppose to get love and support from my family etc, instead i got blame and punishment, i have just realised now, that i was treated wrongly and i never got help or support that i needed. now i have some really really intense weird problem. I feel its like some kind of mental problem because i know its not normal. I dont know what to do, because im not old enough to be able to deal with it properly, eg: see a phycologist, councillor etc what should i do?your book also touched me in many ways. Im glad you could get help.

Dear Becca,

Thank you for sharing. I am glad my story triggered something within you to write to me. Please know abuse is abuse. It doesn’t matter whether it happened once or many times, the trauma is the same. Once violated, it’s hard to feel good about oneself. I understand how you may be feeling. I sought love and support from family members, but my feelings were quickly dismissed and I continued to be hurt. I was told not to mention it again. At times I was even told the abuse must have been a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I was told I was to blame and brought it on myself. I felt sad and alone. But there is help out there for you no matter what your age. It’s important for you to confide in a trusted adult, school counselor, or authority figure. Report your abuser to the police. I know it won’t be easy but think about how bad you would feel if your abuser kept on abusing other young girls. Remember you were sexually abused and it was not your fault. No matter what you were told or how you feel the abuser is at fault. Abuse is abuse. Please seek help.

I admit, I too, was afraid to seek help and share the horrors of my abuse but it was in my best interest to regain the woman I was born to me.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey of healing. I have faith in you.

Karen

Comment by Melanie on 02 Mar 2011 at 8:30 am

Hello Karen,

Speaking of relationships, in my psych class I thought about you and wondered if after all you have gone through do you still maintain relationships with the abusers of your past and the family members that let you down? How do you end dysfunctional relationships? It is not an easy task. I struggle with distancing myself from my father and mother because of my being abused by them. I married an abuser and divorced, but still talk to him. I would like to know what you do?

You are such an important woman to women like me. Thank you for contributing your story for us to learn from.

Melanie

Dear Melanie,

Thank you for sharing. I am touched to hear that my story helped you. We are important women, and by sharing with each other, our stories, we help to bring knowledge and wisdom.

Maintaining relationships with my abusers was easier when I was switching because I would dissociate the harm they had caused me. With alter help, I would dissociate the abusive part of the abusive relationship and act as if nothing happened or was wrong. That was not a good way to maintain a relationship, but it was the only way I knew how. I learned through my journey that this type of relationship was dysfunctional.

As far as maintaining relationships with family members who let me down, I continue to struggle in this area. I try my best not to enable them, but find that time and again I tend to inappropriately help instead of step back. Since I have a forgiving nature, I sometimes forget how harmful it is for me to engage in distrustful and dysfunctional relations. But I am still learning how to keep my distance or when to terminate a harmful relationship. Family or not, I know it’s in my best interest to stay away in order to prevent becoming a victim again.

This past February 14, the last of my abusers died. My ex-husband died of complications from chronic alcoholism. I have been experiencing something new, knowing that my abusers are gone.  I do feel a bit of sadness that my abusers have all died, but also a great weight has lifted. I feel peace and free to live. I would have liked to hear an apology before each of my abusers died, but that never happened, and it is not my job to judge. I have to let go.

Wishing you all my best in your studies.

Karen

Comment by John on 27 Feb 2011 at 11:33 pm

Hi Karen,

I think your story would make a great movie! What are you waiting for? To incorporate your sequel? Love you. Thanks for inspiring us who have been abused.

John

Dear John,

Thank you for your confidence in my story and for believing in me, but I have to admit, I think it would be quite a challenge for any producer to make a movie based on Switching Time.  But Dr. Baer and I would be honored to help a producer find a way to make a documentary or film of our story.  Personally, I believe my story could make a great movie as it stands, or combined with parts from the future sequel or shared stories we could incorporate.

Karen

Comment by Hollis on 24 Feb 2011 at 5:18 pm

Karen,

Did you ever feel alone after your alters integrated? I know you repeatedly share that you are them and they are you BUT I can’t imagine a life without my alters as individual people. My therapist tells me integration is best but not necessary to live. If you could would you make new alters? What if I integrated, regret it and want them back? Is that a possibility?

Thank you, love you, need you and glad you are alive.

Hollis

Dear Hollis,

Interesting questions! I appreciated your concern. I admit there are times I feel alone, but not because of not having my alters as individual people. My alters are me, but while in their separate individual form, I was not aware of their presence. I felt more lonely with my alters present than integrated. At first, I did not know of their existence until late at night when I heard their voices. Later in therapy I knew of my alters actions, but my alters uniqueness became a burden to me. I felt distant while my alters lived my life. A life that I needed to live on my own.

Integration was best for me. I feel so much better making my own decisions without interference from an alternate part of me. I remember all that happens to me now and though I admit to making many mistakes on my own, I am truly grateful to learn from those mistakes and live as one woman.  In my opinion, your therapist is right; integration is best but not necessary.  It’s a personal choice and I chose integration and do not regret the freedom of being one.

Regarding wanting my alters back? No way! Now that I have experienced life as one, I would not trade my present life for a life in chaos. I’m sure that once you integrate you won’t wish to go back either!

Wishing you a safe journey to integration and feeling whole.

Karen

Comment by Yien on 17 Feb 2011 at 10:51 pm

in your writings you talk alot of this dr baer. He seems to me to be a distant and cold person. how is your relationship with him since you terminated?

Dear Yien,

It sounds like you may have been reading my blog, but have not read the book this is all about: Switching Time.  The book is my story about becoming one woman, with Dr. Baer’s help.

My relationship with Dr. Baer continues to be a respectful friendship. We have been through quite an extraordinary journey together and have become a part of each other’s lives. Dr. Baer cares for me and I care about him. We continue to talk on occasion. I will never forget all that we have accomplish in helping me become me. Soon, we will be working on the sequel to Switching Time.

Thank you for asking,

Karen