Comment by Richard on 12 Sep 2009 at 10:37 am

Hi Karen,

I work in the Mental Health Field and was wondering whether Dr. Baer would allow you to be an expert witness on cases that don’t require a professional therapist, psychiatrist or social worker. I had this thought that with your experience as a woman who has succeeded to survive horrific abuse to answer questions as you do here on your blog, you must be qualified per your personal experience. In the courts I have witnessed cases that the so call ‘expert witness’ never experience life lessons or abuse to empathize in most cases. I believe that someone like you, who has experienced sheer pain could be an asset to cases of misfortune and misinformation. Are you following me?

In all fairness, victims needs a voice from someone who can understand their pain from experience. Most therapists can’t do that. Therapists may be book smart but not social or experience smart. Dr. Baer, as an example, how could he possibly empathize with the horror you experienced if he had never experience being sexually abused as a child himself. He can’t. It’s not possible. All he can feel and know came from what you told him.

Someone like you is more qualified than any doctor who spent half his life in med school. I don’t know how possible it is for you to work on what’s mentioned above. But think about it? I believe you can do it. The way you answer questions in a consistent helpful manner has me believing there is a job out there somewhere where you can continue to grow in that direction. The way I view you, you are the new Ann Landers, not the same, better, because you’ve been there and can help people who suffer and come from their dysfunctional world. Answering people who have serious issues regarding mental health, as a common person is needed. Ann Landers couldn’t have done a better job than you. I mean that as a compliment. Great work!

Richard

Dear Richard,

I hardly believe that I am more qualified than a doctor who has spent many years in medical school, but I accept your compliment in believing me to be so.  I appreciate you understanding that someone like me, who has suffered from severe abuse, can empathize with another victim.  I’ve never thought an “expert witness” could be someone other than a qualified medical doctor. I suppose it’s possible to be considered an expert witness from past personal experience, but how could that be acceptable in court? I’m not sure how to answer your question, but I love the idea of helping victims through my experiences. If there ever came a time when Dr. Baer felt that my telling my story could benefit a case, I’m sure he would ask me to do so, and I would say yes.

Since I am not a professional therapist, I can’t comment on the training therapists go through in order to treat patients.  I am sure that each therapist should experience therapy himself in order to become a therapist.  Empathy is identifying to a small degree with someone else’s feelings, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that one has to have experienced the same pain.  It’s true that Dr. Baer’s understanding came from what I shared with him, but he didn’t need to be sexually abused himself to know the pain I shared.

I am touched that you believe I could contribute to the defense of victims of abuse, but I myself couldn’t have healed myself without Dr. Baer’s help.  I needed a qualified therapist to guide me through my horrific inner pain and twisted world. Remember, I was suicidal, in alter chaos, and unable to function at the beginning of my journey.  I may be able to help others, but it took over eighteen years of unconditional professional help to get me to this point.  I am grateful to have found Dr. Baer and received the appropriate help I needed. In turn, I am now one woman with the ability to help others through sharing my story.

Thank you for all your compliments! I would love to be the new Ann Landers!  I truly appreciate you encouraging me to do more. That means a lot to me.

Karen

Comment by Lisa on 14 Sep 2009 at 8:15 am

Dear Karen,

Love that you are here for us who need you. Love that you inspire so many. Love that you are real and not a figment of my imagination.

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Love that you love so much of what I do! Love that you have touched me and made me smile. Love to hear something so personal. Love being here for all who need me. Love to help inspire all who wish to move on. Love that I am real. Thank you!

Have a great day!

Karen

Comment by Rita Mae on 13 Sep 2009 at 5:57 pm

Hi Karen. It was so hard to find your blog. Old web sites kept popping up dated last year and last April. Is something wrong with this site? I am thrilled to finally have found you just to tell you I am so grateful for you sharing your life. If I had a grateful journel I would write thank you to you hundreds of times start to finish. I started journeling because of you. I feel stronger because of you. I don’t feel alone because of you. I even like my doctor now since I know what his job his because of you liking yours. Thank you Richard Baer. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Karen Overhill.

Dear Rita Mae,

Thank you so much! I appreciate your wonderful compliment!  And what’s most important to me is that you were encouraged to journal.  Writing down my thoughts and feelings saved my life. For me, journaling is like venting on paper and letting go of the pain within. When I wrote, I was relieved to feel the weight lift off my shoulders and a good feeling of exhaustion knowing that I accomplished sharing the most personal secrets that kept me prisoner within myself.

I’m not sure how our old Web sites can pop up at times, but it has happened to me, too!  I’m sorry that you had a difficult time finding the right site. I’ll ask Dr. Baer check out what you have shared with me.

Thank you again, and I will send your thank you on to Dr. Baer, too!

Karen

Comment by Kat on 12 Sep 2009 at 10:01 am

Dear Karen,

I have always been curious about this disorder. While in my college library I came across your book. I began reading there and was still reading at closing time! Your story is brave, honest, and so gripping. How any person could survive this… Well it speaks volumes about your character and courage. How blessed you were to find some one like Dr. Baer to help you along the path to becoming whole.

I was wondering, after integrating all the alters did you have any more periods of disassociation? Or was that it? Did you find you had any other feelings of depression? As you mentioned in the book that sometimes you missed having the others around. Did you find the jobs the other alters had previously taken care of were hard for you to cope with? Or did most things come naturally?

Thank you for your time!

And thank you for providing this wonderful story of how you came… to be YOU!

Dear Kat,

Thank you so much for all your kind thoughts and inspirational words.  I’m touched by your many compliments!  Yes, I was blessed to find Dr. Baer. I believe he was God sent and that our working together was meant to be. I was at the end of my rope the day I walked into Dr. Baer’s office.  I don’t know if he sensed that. But I am very grateful for all that he has done to keep me safe during the intense healing process so that I could one day live as one woman.

I never dissociated again after integration. I admit there were times I wished to escape reality and be rescued by an alter, but that was not meant to be. As time continued, I grew stronger and was able to deal with most issues on my own. There have been times when I felt depressed and struggled through more than I thought I could handle. At these times, Dr. Baer was there to help me understand. In order for me to survive those moments, I needed to calm myself, and that was something I hadn’t ever done for myself before integration. I now had to adjust to each new circumstance I faced. As reality tested my patience, time and again, I would wonder whether integrating my alters was best for me. It was. I have no regrets about integration.

I really had to learn most everything all over again. The knowledge was there, but acting on it wasn’t. It was difficult at first, yet it was all a part of my journey to heal. It took years for me to feel complete. I’ll try my best to explain.  As each alter integrated, I slowly acquired the ability to function with their added talents.  For example, my alter Katherine cooked and cleaned. For about a week after Katherine’s integration, I realized nothing was getting done. Dishes were piling up, I’d order fast food, and didn’t try to cook up any meals.  Soon I realized that “I” needed to do these things. Before Katherine’s integration, everything was just done for me, out of my awareness. Strange as it sounds, I had to pick up where Katherine left off. Once I committed to performing Katherine’s tasks myself, my memory of doing so came back naturally.

Becoming one is the most amazing feeling, even though I still hate to do dishes.

Thank you for caring about me. I continue to learn something new about myself each day.

Karen

Comment by Nancy on 10 Sep 2009 at 9:21 am

Dear Karen,

I am in a study group and we are discussing Switching Time. The paperback book has questions at the end. Why not the hardcover? I find your story an incredable realization to the horrors the world rarely sees, the horrors behind the doors of your own family. Who is to know what happens in the privacy of a child’s home. I can’t believe the things I read. I know you were brainwashed. I’m sorry for you, to live with all your pain and continue to help us outside people to understand what’s it’s like to be abused. I wasn’t abused. I am thankful to have wonderful supportive loving parents. I wish you would have experienced the same. If I could I’d wrap you up and take you home with me. I hope you have people loving you around all the time. I hope no one hurts you anymore. God Bless you, Karen Overhill.

Nancy

Dear Nancy,

I’m not sure why the hard cover didn’t have the study questions at the end, maybe the publisher thought study groups would wait for the paperback to come out?

I appreciate that you understand the horrors of what can happen behind closed doors in what appears to be a normal family. Abuse is abuse. No one knows what happens unless there are visible signs to recognize. That is one reason I decided to share my story. I believe there were many signs in me that were ignored. No one paid attention to my cries and screams. No one really knew what to do, nor wanted to get involved. Times have changed, and with continued awareness I hope there will be fewer abused children. Today, in schools and amongst neighbors, greater awareness has people keeping better watch. Sharing stories like mine may help.

I’m glad to hear that you were never abused and had loving, supportive parents! That’s every child’s dream. I could only fantasize that kind of love. I am touched by your caring thoughts of wanting to wrap me up and take me home with you. That’s really sweet of you! And that’s exactly how I’d feel if I would ever witness a child being mistreated.

Sadly, there are times that I’ve felt hurt by those I’ve care for. People are human and can’t help it. There are people who don’t understand that what they say may be perceived as degrading, condemning, and causing much grief. For these times I try my best to understand that their ignorance is at the root of their hurtfulness. If someone hasn’t experienced the pain of degradation, as an abused person has, most likely they’ll never see themselves as abusive. Bringing awareness is important to change ignorance into knowledge. Hurtful words can be devastating.

God Bless you,

Karen

Comment by Craig on 10 Sep 2009 at 9:02 am

Karen,

Student from ISU. Yeah! Got you covered…Man what a book! I am speechless. To think first few weeks of school and to be mentally challenged and entertained by your story. You have a group of us debating the illness, we argue, we laugh, we are in disbelief and we admire you greatly. Love to read another. I bet with all you and Richard know you both can create a series. Crazy day, GTG! I’ll be watching you. I am also following you on Twitter. Need to update your message! Bye!

Craig

Dear Craig,

Love your enthusiasm!  Thank you!  I am so glad to hear that Switching Time has mentally challenged and entertained you and your classmates. That’s great news and just what Dr. Baer and I had hoped for!  I’d love to hear how your debates and discussions have gone. I hope they’ve gone well!

Multiplicity is an incomprehensible illness, and there is so much yet to learn about it. I am pleased to know that there’s an awakening knowledge of the illness I survived. There has been so much false information that needs to be corrected. It is our hope to change the stigma attached for those who suffer from it.

It’s true; Dr. Baer and I have thousands of pages of information obtained during our therapeutic relationship. We have both documented everything, he from the clinical side and me from the personal side. I believe we have the only true, complete documented case on a multiple’s life before and after integration. From day one, Dr. Baer kept detailed notes, and I journaled. We made a great team!  And yes, we have enough information to create a series, thank you for believing so.

Thanks for following me on Twitter! I don’t really post much on twitter but do post quite a bit on Facebook! Dr. Baer also is listed on Facebook!

Karen

Comment by Matt on 09 Sep 2009 at 10:59 pm

karen, what do you feel when you hear stories from people who claim to have the same illness like you did? isn’t it hard to believe their stories? can you spot someone faking it? how about the people who wrote books like herschel walker and cameron west? did you believe their stories? after reading your story for class we discussed it. more than a few students said they have mpd or knew someone with the illness. isn’t it wierd no one ever discussed it claimed to have it until someone discussed it in class? thank you for making me understand. let’s hope not too many copy cats like my classmates. matt

Dear Matt,

I don’t hear many stories of people who claim to have multiplicity, but I do admit that of the stories I’ve heard about, a few were certainly hard for me to believe.  I can pick up signs that most won’t.  In the beginning, I was ashamed to admit that I was a multiple. I felt people would laugh and not believe in me. I tried my best to keep my past trauma a secret.  Very carefully and very slowly I began sharing in the safe setting of Dr. Baer’s office.  I don’t believe a true multiple seeks outward attention.  Alters are created to help a victim cope with reality without drawing too much attention to oneself.

I can’t imagine why anyone would want to fake having such an illness. I tried my best to hide it. Being a multiple is not as exciting as the media leads people to believe. It’s sad and frightening not knowing where you’ve been, what you’ve done, and who you’ve talked to.  At the end of each day I always felt exhausted.

Regarding Cameron West and Herschel Walker, what struck me was there was no history of persistent abuse in their backgrounds.  That’s what I believe causes a person to be come a multiple, constant dissociation away from horrific abuse.  If you’re not being abused, why dissociate?  Dissociation is inconvenient and makes it hard to get through life.  A person doesn’t do it unless they have absolutely no other choice.

I’m glad to hear that your classmates discussed the illness, multiplicity. That’s exactly what Dr. Baer and I hoped for, people sharing their thoughts, ideas, and concerns about this incomprehensible illness. Knowledge is the key. I understand how interesting multiplicity can be and why some would want to claim to have it, or think they know of someone who has it.  I believe symptoms of multiplicity can also appear similar to other illnesses and may often be confused.  Only a qualified therapist can diagnose such an illness, and unfortunately, Dr. Baer tells me, they sometimes diagnose it too often.  I, too, hope that the illness is taken seriously.

Thank you for sharing that Switching Time helped you learn and understand more.

Karen

Comment by Maureen on 08 Sep 2009 at 7:55 am

Dear Karen,

How are you today? My name is Maureen and I just got Switching Time on Sunday started this morning and spent my entire day off, Labor Day reading it. I felt sick today and by-passed a few bar-b-ques. My day went by fast. I guess ten hours of reading will do that to a person. I cried my fever away reading.  It’s the next day and I slept sound from the knowing that your experience has brought me hope.

I am a thirty two year old unmarried christain woman who is too afraid to make waves amongst the people I know to tell them the man they come to love at church is really a monster rather than the kind hearted man they see. Not only is he my father but abused me a lot sexually when I was younger before I ran away at seventeen and he stopped when I promised not to go to therapy or tell anyone ever and I did keep my promise but promises haunt me everyday. I have lived with this secret all my life and it’s starting to haunt me more and more.

I met this man at church who is kind and he loves me but I feel too guilty marrying him without his knowing the truth. When I go to church people treat my father like a king and it sickens me even my fiance loves and respects him. I don’t think I am a multiple but feel that I dissociate all that he has done to me in the past to save everyone else. While reading Switching Time a lot triggered me and there is this freedom I feel that I am not alone anymore. I have God on my side, you do too and now I have you, a woman who knows what it’s like not to make waves to keep peace.

My father is terminally ill with maybe the most two months to live. The doctors think he’ll be gone in a few weeks maybe sooner. What would you do Karen? Would you stir up the past if you were me knowing your abuser is facing death by cancer? Is my father’s cancer punishment? What did you see in your father eyes before he died? Did you talk with him? Tell me what your feelings were the last time you saw him? Can you share the moment with me? Did it bring you peace? Was there sorrow, did he apologize, recognize the pain he caused you, did you forgiven him? What about the church people did you tell them all he did? Did he have a church service? Did you cry? How did your abusive father’s death leave you? Do you think he’s in heaven or hell? I am Catholic and don’t know? Should I or shouldn’t I tell? What would you do if you were in my shoes? I never saw a therapist for counseling just once after I ran-away and my dad refused me to go. I was forbidden to.

It’s a lot I know but after reading your stroy I feel I know you, it’s like you been there. I don’t need a doctor right now but know I will someday right now I need someone who has gone through similar feelings and would like your opinion. Thank you! Thank God for bringing your story to me, the book was at the counter of the book store waiting to be returned to the shelf after someone saved it and two were saved by mistake. Lucky me. My eyes are open now.

Maureen

Dear Maureen,

Thank you for writing in and sharing your story with me. I have to admit your story took me back a bit. I’m sorry it took me time to answer. I wanted to make sure that I answered you to the best of my ability without trying to counsel or give advice.  Since I am not a qualified therapist, I will simply answer you from my heart, past experience, and with my opinions. Please seek out a professional therapist as soon as possible, and before your father’s death.  A therapist can help you sort out these feelings and thoughts before you act on them.  It’s important not to jump into something so heart-breaking, unprepared.  A therapist can help you prepare for what’s to come.

In my opinion, I would not confront your father, ask for his apology, or share with church members. Why? You may not receive the answers you desire and that could devastate you. I believe if your father feels any remorse he will apologize, if able, before he passes.

I’m glad to hear that my story has brought you hope. I understand your crying your fever away. There have been times through my own despair that illnesses suddenly disappeared as if there were no room for anything other than the pain in my heart from inner suffering. The mind is powerful, and unexplainable things can happen when one becomes overwhelmed.

Not making waves…? That’s a powerful statement and so true for those who have been abused, suffered from being controlled, and forced into making promises that add additional guilt onto an already fragile spirit.  My entire life has been spent not making waves in order to keep things running smoothly without chaos and confrontation. But not making waves has made me ill.  I once thought it was best to stay quiet, be compliant, and hope that all would simply go away. Sadly, not making waves caused me extreme pain in my heart and soul.

I understand that you are confused about whether to talk, share with your fiancé, or to expose your father crimes to church members who sympathize with him.  Ask yourself the following questions. Would it make a difference whether or not people know the truth now that your father’s at death’s door?  Would you find a sense of calm in exposing him now?  Are you prepared for the accusations that may come when people disbelieve you?  Would exposing him now improve your life?  Are you a member of the church because you choose to be, enjoy the people you’ve befriended and come to respect? If so, the truth about your father may change the way everyone reacts to you.  Is it worth additional pain at this time?  I would wait until you discuss these thoughts with your therapist.  Do not be quick to share such intimate details of past abuse.  For me, handling the past in the a safe therapeutic setting was the best way to deal with what happened to me. I never shared with the members of my family’s church. Nor did I share with many friends and family. I needed time to heal on my own.

Cancer is not a punishment.  When your father dies he will carry all that he has done to you with him.  He will be gone.  You will be here, alive, and able to move on.  When my father died, I felt relieved.  I know that may sound harsh, but for me an enormous weight was lifted from my shoulders.

I have not forgotten the night my father died.  He signed himself out of the hospital.  He went home and the hospice workers arrived with the necessities needed for his comfort.  I didn’t know he was home when a social worker called the family together to meet at his house to talk.  When I arrived, my father was sitting in a wheel chair facing the front door. He was hard to miss.  My heart sunk at his condition, he looked skeletal, his face was sunken-in and pale.  His eyes were sad.  We made eye contact as I walked by to go to the kitchen to meet with the social worker.  I was upset that I was tricked into this visit.  The social worker tried to convince me to apologize to him. Imagine that!  I couldn’t blame her, for my mother had fed her many incorrect stories.  I decided to leave soon after, and as I walked out the door, I turned to look at him, maybe hoping to hear that long yearned-for apology.  It never came.  I paused for a moment as he waved, I waved back.  My last good-bye.  That night, seven hours later, he died.  I wasn’t there when he died.  I stayed home, on the phone with Dr. Baer.  If it weren’t for Dr. Baer that night I may have gone back to be with my brother and mother.  I thank God I didn’t.  I felt peace.

God Bless you as you start your journey to wellness. Please seek help; know that it’s important to do what’s best for you, not anyone else.

Karen

Comment by Mona on 09 Sep 2009 at 7:35 am

Dear Karen and Richard,

Am up to the last chapter in Switching Time. I am both amazed and thrilled at the positive outcome after so much pain and abuse. Dr. Baer has had the tenacity and patience of a saint and Karen, you are so courageous and creative.

How are your children doing?

Are you still with Josh?

Much love to you.

Dear Mona,

Thank you so much for sharing your kind thoughts right before the best part of the book, the ending, and my hug.  I’m sure that once you finish you will see the true miracle of my healing from the illness multiplicity.  I couldn’t have healed without the great support I received.  Yes, Dr. Baer had the patience of a saint, and I really needed him to be that way.  If Dr. Baer or I had rushed me through my healing and integrations, I’m not sure all would’ve turned out so well.  My alters have never returned.  I haven’t dissociated since. Thank you for believing me to be creative and courageous, that means a lot to me.

My children are both doing very well.  My son is now married to a lovely woman, and my daughter is a full-time pre-med college student and works in the health care field.  I am very proud of both of them. As far as my ex-husband goes, no, we are no longer together, but we do on occasion talk, as at my son’s wedding. But getting back together would never happen. I am not that same compliant woman who once tolerated disrespect, abuse, and being controlled and intimidated.  Enough is enough.  I’ve grown.

Much love back to you.

Karen

Comment by Bryan on 07 Sep 2009 at 12:09 pm

Hi Karen! Okay I get the whole idea of switching after reading ST but my questions are crazy but needed to help me understand a bit more. I get the part that each alter is not a full part as in one entire person but a part of the whole as you explain one piece of a puzzle. My questions are” Who took care of the basis daily life necessities like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, bathroom visits, washing clothes, eating, driving, etc, etc? What I’m curious to know is how the alters managed to keep up with all that requires one to get through a day? Who would say that something wasn’t done if no one is designated for the particular job? Now I know it sounds crazy but how did you manage to run without fuel? I would assume you needed tons of energy fueled by what? Do I make sense? Great writing!

Bryan

Dear Bryan,

I don’t believe I’ve answered these questions before.  It’s interesting to think back on how all that needed to get done, did get done with the alters’ help.  I’ll try to answer you the best I can.  First of all, I never remember doing the dishes, yet they were always done by morning. My alter Katherine did them after I went to sleep.  I rarely remember cleaning the house, yet it was always neat and clean, compliments of a few of the alters.  I remember driving my car, but not all the time.  Whenever stressed or tired, my alter, Holdon, would drive for me.  Holdon did much of the driving.

I assume most of the time some alter did the necessary basic daily functions.  I believe Katherine showered, bathed, brushed my teeth, and so on…  Since I was a collection of alters, one or another would do these daily tasks.  I think it was Katherine most of the time.  Mostly, an alter’s job is to prevent confrontation, harm and abuse.  Basic self-necessities don’t rate as abusive.

I am grateful for all the little things my alters did to help me get through everyday. Though it was frustrating at times to wake not knowing how or why something got done, I managed to accept it because it was commonplace for me. Interestingly enough, I rarely questioned how the house was cleaned, how the laundry got done, or how dinner was prepared. They just were, and I felt grateful. As a multiple one learns not to analyze or question things like this.  I would only recognize things when went wrong, were misplaced, or disappeared.

My alters did a great job keeping me moving.  My children were never late for school, a play date, or any activity.  I was always on time despite alter chaos.  My system reacted quickly and I behaved precisely the way I should have on the outside. That way no one would notice any change.  On the other hand my inner system rarely rested.  The reason for creating an alter is to help a multiple survive at all costs.

Fuel?  Yes, I needed quite a bit of fuel to keep going.  My faith was my fuel. Determination was my fuel.  Knowing that Dr. Baer was there for me fueled me. My children fueled me.  And most of all, God provided all the remaining fuel I lacked.  At times when I lacked fuel, I would pray.

Thank you for your questions.

Karen