Comment by Molly on 13 Nov 2009 at 9:28 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you so much for answering all these questions. I found courage to go to a therapist today. I was miserable. I was abused, raped and treated like trash. I got pregnant by my father and aborted my baby four months ago. I feel depressed and ashamed. I found your book at the library. I am eighteen and afraid my mother will blame me and call me a slut and whore. I wish I heard about your book before i abortioned but i thought if looking in the babies face would always remind me of my father and his rape of me. My mother doesn’t know. No one know but you and my new doctor. I am telling you because you gave me the courage to find my own help. I started therapy today with a nice lady therapist. I am afraid of going back because of what she might think of me but you kept going back so I will to. Thank you lovely lady. I love you for being brave to help people. I told my new therapist that Switching Time got me in there.

Molly in Alaska

Dear Molly,

You’re welcome. Thank you for your kind thoughts regarding my answering questions posted here. It is my hope to be helpful. I am glad you found courage to seek help for yourself. That is the important first step. Sounds like you found someone you believe can accompany you on your journey, please take your time and give therapy a chance.

I’m sorry for all that you experienced at the hands of your father. I understand your feelings and empathize with your pain. Though I never experienced a pregnancy from being raped, I feared becoming pregnant all the time. I believe I would also have had a difficult time deciding what to do if I became pregnant from rape. I can’t imagine myself carrying my father’s child. I would’ve felt devastated too. Please don’t be hard on yourself. I believe your choice was the best choice for you.

I’m not sure if I would’ve had the courage to take care of myself in the same situation. I thought over your decision regarding not sharing with your mother and believe you must know her best. If you were afraid to share, there must’ve been a good reason. I never shared my abuse with my mother for the same reason. I believe my own mother would’ve blamed me and accused me of wrong-doing.

I am glad to hear that you found a good therapist to build a relationship of trust. Please know that therapy is difficult in the beginning, and can also be difficult as you heal. Faith in myself and having the desire to heal kept me going. Time and again I would faithfully attend my sessions whether I wanted to or not, and eventually my therapy became my release and sense of calm.  I admit, there were many sessions where I felt badly for sharing details of my abuse. I felt unclean, miserable, and worried greatly about what Dr. Baer thought of me. Many times I questioned whether my therapist believed me. During my therapeutic years Dr. Baer listened, never judged me, and unconditionally cared for me. Therapy turned out to be a blessing, and for that I am grateful.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your own personal journey to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Dragana on 08 Nov 2009 at 10:04 am

Hello Karen,

Started to read “A Life in Pieces” only to close the book half way. It hurt to read. As a mother of three I can’t imagine the horror you suffered. I don’t like that Richard Baer treated you so badly. He was condescending, insulting you repeatedly. I dont know if I want to finish it? Why did you allow your therapist to disrespect and mistreat you? Am I the only reader who read his thoughts? He never liked you. Why didn’t you see it? You claim to be highly attuned? Back then may have been different. How do you feel looking back now? Is he still an arse? I want to know more about how you overcame Richard Baer’s insults. For the love of God I hope you never allow anyone to treat you like he did.

I am insulted by your therapists treatment of you. He did not treat you well.

Dragana

UK

Dear Dragana,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on A Life in Pieces, the UK version of Switching Time. I appreciate hearing what you have to say but admit that I am a bit taken aback by how you chose to read my story. I admit there are moments in the book where it appears that Dr. Baer felt condescending or insulting, but he was simply being the psychiatrist that he was. There are ethical guidelines for a therapeutic relationship that must be met. Dr. Baer was doing his job and treated me in an appropriate matter.

I am a highly attuned person who has suffered in many ways and never once picked up on Dr. Baer’s mistreatment of me during the course of my healing from multiplicity. There have been a few other readers, like you, who believed that Dr. Baer showed disrespect towards me. I will answer your question in the same way I answered theirs.  As a troubled patient there were many difficult issues for me to sort through. I was an annoying, chronic mess. If I were he, I may have felt the same way. Dr. Baer composed himself in an appropriate professional manner, and despite his initial ill thoughts, chose to help me.

If Dr. Baer had treated me any differently, with too much compassion, too much sympathy, or became overly emotional, I would’ve stopped therapy, never returned, and therefore never have healed. I needed someone to listen. Dr. Baer listened to me without forcing his own thoughts and opinions into my already traumatic distressing system of alter chaos. Dr. Baer treated me with respect and did so for my own well-being.

In the writing of Switching Time, Dr. Baer believed it was important to be truthful and share his feelings along with mine on how our therapeutic relationship survived. In the beginning, Dr. Baer had thoughts that may have appeared as if he didn’t care or disliked me, but that was just his initial frustration. I believe it was just as difficult for Dr. Baer to treat me as it was for me to be his patient. We needed to learn from each other from ground up and build our therapeutic relationship based on respect and trust for each other. We both learned from the experience.

Multiplicity is not that easily diagnosed, and it took time for a bond of trust and understanding to form between Dr. Baer and me. What is most important and amazing is that we never gave up. Dr. Baer never ended my therapy based on his early feelings, and I never ended therapy with Dr. Baer because he never forced me to be anyone other than myself: one woman with seventeen very distinct alternate personalities.

I cannot force anyone to finish reading Switching Time any more than I can change someone’s thoughts on multiplicity. But I can encourage hope through sharing my story. I admit my story is difficult to read, especially the first third of the book where some graphic detail can throw off anyone sensitive to horror. I believe true understanding and inspiration can only come when the reader completes his or her reading of the entire book.

Please, if you can, finish reading and write back to me. Please know that I care and will answer any questions you may have. I would love to hear your thoughts once you hear the whole story. I believe my story was meant to be told.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen

Comment by Jodie Jordan on 03 Nov 2009 at 3:28 pm

Dear Karen,

I am so touched and so surprised to get a response from you.

Thanks so much.

This phrase you typed, “Since I harbored male alters, I usually dressed casually, wore little to no make-up, and rarely wore a dress,” reminds me so much of myself.

I have little interest to dress as a female or doll up too much, opting for more casual styles and comfy clothes. It’s strange. I can dress up to the occasion if I want or need to, but I am most comfortable just being plain and simple.

I hurt a lot deep down. I realize my conflicting personalities and even sexuality is causing my downfall in life. I cannot progress much and do much in life. Full of fear. It’s as if I cannot decide which character to assume to go ahead to face the work I have to do or the world I’m in. I feel sad about this. It’s as if I cannot maintain 1 persona for long. I switch between different personas. Is this having multiple personality too? Or just borderline personality?

I’m not sure.

I don’t lose time though like you do when you switch. I mean, I am aware of all the parts of me. Just that I assume different roles at different times and I become different types of persons when I meet different people or when doing different things in life.

I feel wierd that I can never merge these different parts of me together. I avoid many social situations because of this. I avoid most people. I literally turn and run when I see people I know or when people want to form closer bonds with me.

What is wrong with me?

Can Dr Baer even give me a brief explanation about my symptoms?

I used to think I could be a borderline personality sufferer. Until I started reading your book. Could I be having multiple personality instead?

Dear Jodie Jordan,

Thank you for sharing with me. I understand what you mean by staying casual most of the time. Sure, I was able to dress up and appear more feminine whenever I needed to, but I never felt quite comfortable. There were many occasions, such as weddings, banquets, or parties, where I wanted to fit in.  We share some of the same thoughts. If you haven’t been diagnosed as a multiple, has your therapist shared another possible disorder with you?

Having both female and male alters influencing one’s life can be troublesome, but the way I dealt with those times was just to be myself. Sometimes I felt a bit more male instead of female, but that never made a difference to me. Why? Because I am proud of both sides of my unique personality. Besides, a multiple has an excuse! Have you ever met a man who acts more female than male? Or a female who acts more male? We all know someone like that. I believe being yourself is best, whether male or female.

Multiples are unique individuals, no two are alike. No one is perfect and no one multiple switches or loses time in the same way as another. Our past experiences define the way we choose to survive. I think it’s great that you are aware of other parts of yourself. Losing time wasn’t so great. At least you are aware of all that has happened to you even if out of your control. Maybe during your healing this will be an added plus. Have you found a good therapist that you can trust to accompany you on your journey? Once you establish a good therapeutic relationship with your therapist, he or she will explain your symptoms and help you to understand.

Please don’t give up. Have faith and your healing will follow.

Thank you for your compliments.

Karen

Comment by Judy on 07 Nov 2009 at 6:45 pm

Karen,

Unbelievable story! So much more fascinating than I ever imagined it to be! I never believed anyone who claimed mpd to be honest. I believed it was a made up attention seeking disease and not in a real way. Reading ST proved me wrong. I am now a firm believer. I’m sorry for my ignorance. A few times you wrote ‘knowledge is the key’. That phrase was why I read your book. I thought why would Karen want others to learn from any source if she not be real herself? I bought your book for that reason. What a learning experience. Thank you Richard and Karen for putting out the truth about mpd. Knowledge is power.

Judy

Dear Judy,

Thank you! I’m glad to hear that you came to a better understanding of multiplicity after reading Switching Time. That is what Dr. Baer and I have hoped for. It was hard to share my story in graphic detail, but we needed in include the reality of my experiences to provide real understanding of what can happen to a child who has been repetitively abused. There continues to be mystery surrounding multiple personality disorder. It is our hope Switching Time will help shine a light on the incomprehensible illness I survived.

Thank you for your apology, but I believe your search for more information is most admirable. I believe it’s important not to judge without facts. You’re right – knowledge is the key.

Thank you for believing in me and for taking time to share your thoughts. I appreciate you.

Karen

Comment by Sylvia on 04 Nov 2009 at 11:30 pm

Dear Karen,

I am writing to you in tears. I feel so badly to have lost someone close to me. This person was my friend and knew all of me and my alters. We are as a whole tormented in grief. What would you do if you were me? I don’t have a therapist at this time because I lost my job, my medical insurance and he won’t see me anymore saying he can’t. I feel so lost, first my best friend dies and then my therapist abandoned me. Maybe I should join my friend and die with him? I’m so sad.

Sylvia

LA

Dear Sylvia,

I’m sorry it’s taken a bit longer than usual to answer your question. I hope you are feeling better and have found someone to help you during this difficult time. I am shocked that your therapist abandoned you! I would feel devastated, too, especially at a time when you’re grieving the death of someone very close to you. It’s sad how money can become an issue in many relationships, even with one’s therapist. Dr. Baer and I have had our share of ups and downs but he never once abandoned me. Time goes on, and you may find a job with benefits and be able to return to therapy. Your therapist made a commitment to help you heal, just as you made a commitment to heal.

Maybe for now you can find comfort in a not-for-profit counseling center with a sliding scale of payment. Please seek help in the best way you can. Suicide is not the answer. I can understand how your sadness and dark thoughts urge you to take your own life, but that’s never the answer. Please don’t act on these temporary feelings.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your journey in healing.

Karen

Comment by Colleen on 04 Nov 2009 at 11:05 pm

Dear Karen,

Fascinating! Dr. Baer’s work with you is unbelievable human drama. Thank you for telling your story. Will there be another book following? Does Richard Baer write professionally about anything else? Will you ever consider writing yourself? I believe you both are amazing and should continue to write.

Regards,

Colleen

Dear Colleen,

You’re welcome! Dr. Baer and I felt sharing our journey would help increase knowledge of the illness of multiple personality disorder, and I believe we have accomplished just that. I’m glad that you found our story fascinating! Thank you for sharing; you have made my day!

Switching Time was Dr. Baer’s first book. Dr. Baer has not written another book at this time, although he talks about doing so. I’m a writer, too, and you can see my writing reproduced in Switching Time. I believe Dr. Baer and I worked well together because I provided many detailed writings and journals to help my therapy along. We both enjoy writing and it is my hope that we someday write the sequel and share authorship.

Thank you for encouraging us to continue writing! That’s very important to me.

Karen

Comment by Andy on 04 Nov 2009 at 10:58 pm

Hi Karen,

I am interested in reading your book but can’t find it at any bookstore? I went to three and was told it could be ordered online but they were out of stock. I could do that but don’t have email. I am using my friends pc now. I can give him money to order for me but would rather buy it myself. While on the pc I read some of your answers. I think you are so smart. Can’t wait to read your book.

Andy

Dear Andy,

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time finding Switching Time in bookstores near you. Most bookstores keep a low stock of each book. It has been my experience that when you order any book from a book store, it will arrive within a few days, and you will receive a call and can pick it up at your leisure.

I would love to hear your comments when you finish reading.

Thank you for your compliment!

Karen

Comment by Sullivan on 02 Nov 2009 at 9:37 am

Karen,

I read six different books on MPD. I liked yours the best because it was the most informative and helpful. I was diagnosed a few years ago. I’m not sure but think reading too much is making me feel more ill? My dreams have intensified. When you read books during therapy were you affected? What books did you read? Did the books you read influence and confuse your therapy? I am more confused. What books did Richard Baer make you read during therapy? My therapist had me reading First Person Plural, Sybil and A Man in the Mirror. I read the others on my own. What advice can you give in your opinion to doctors who treat patients like us? Whatever Dr. Baer did for your healing should be written for all doctors who treat mpd patients. Whatever Dr. Baer did was correct. I don’t want to change my therapist but he should learn how to treat me. You were lucky. I don’t feel so lucky today.

Sullivan

Maine

Dear Sullivan,

Thank you for sharing. I never read any books on multiple personality disorder during my therapy. I never watched any movies such as Sybil or Three Faces of Eve.  I first read about my illness after integration was complete. I didn’t want to be influenced and feared reading anything that might provoke any of my alters to misbehave. I was afraid to know more.

Before therapy I’d never heard of multiple personality disorder. The first I ever heard of it was years into therapy when Dr. Baer told me my diagnosis. I believed my losing time was normal and that everyone lost time. When I was young, I assumed my being sexually abused was the same treatment all girls received from their elders. I was sheltered from knowing the truth about sex, abuse, and reality. My world existed within myself. My experiences were limited by my dysfunctional father who kept my high school activities limited. I believed I was bad and my punishment was deserved. I was so young when my abuse started. I didn’t know any better.

After I learned and accepted my diagnosis of multiple personality disorder, I became curious. I admit I tried watching the movie Sybil, but couldn’t and had to turn it off. I tried reading a few books with no luck, never reading past the first few chapters before having a panic attack. Dr. Baer never forced me to read any books during our therapeutic relationship. He did, however, ask me if I had read any books, and I told him no.

In my opinion, based on my personal experience, I would say don’t read anymore at this time. I believe you’ve read far more than needed during your process of healing. If I were you, I would be confused, too! Remember to trust your own instincts. If reading about multiplicity disturbs you, then stop reading about the illness and focus on your own unique story and healing.

Doctors who treat patients like us should not influence the natural flow of progress by interjecting someone else’s story. Dr. Baer never once told me what to think, how to think, or what to read. Everything was encouraged to come from within my own self.

Wishing you all my best as you change the course of your journey to heal.

Karen

Comment by Student on 02 Nov 2009 at 8:54 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you for answering my question with understanding. I feel confidant in knowing that you understand me just like Dr. Baer understood you. If it weren’t for being understood and gaining understanding of trauma no one will ever learn what it takes to be confidant to live. The fact of suffering is horrific. Being alone, frightened and in despair is horrific. Having an idea what to do about it is priceless. Switching Time gave me hope.

Thank you.

Student

Dear Student,

You are not only brave but also wise beyond your years. It’s true, suffering is horrific but one can change that with courage. Please take care of yourself first.  I believe when the time comes you will take the necessary steps needed to move forward. I have faith in you.

A gentle reminder from me to you… If you should feel as if you’re beginning to fall, please seek immediate help with a qualified therapist. As brave as I believe you are, and as much wisdom as you express, we all need someone, sometimes. I did.  I knew I needed professional guidance and was fortunate to find the right therapist, Dr. Baer, at the right time, to accompany me on my journey. Knowing when to let go and seek help was the hardest decision I made.

Thank you for believing that my story has helped give you hope. Through sharing my story, it is both my and Dr. Baer’s hope to bring a better understanding and further knowledge of the after affects of child sexual abuse.

Wishing you all my best as you begin your journey to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Eli Ward on 29 Oct 2009 at 10:38 pm

Dear Karen, I have just read the book “A Life in Pieces.” I am truly amazed at your courage and strength after the most horrendous experiences you went through. You became whole again and I hope you are now enjoying life..you deserve the best.

All my best wishes to you….Eli

Dear Eli,

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful wishes! I truly appreciate hearing them. I am doing my very best to enjoy life. Each morning I’m amazed just to be here. I continue to learn something new about myself each day and will continue on living my life to the best of my ability.

Thank you again for thinking of me, respecting me, and for understanding my story.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen