Comment by Michael on 13 Oct 2009 at 7:44 am

Yes it was hard on me to lose each alter. I loved them each in a different way and very dearly. Even though i knew they were all different parts of her, they seemed like different people to me. Sometimes i miss them just as they were individually. I have pictures and videos of each in there alter state and when she sees them she remembers the event as herself. I never let her see the ones of her child alters, because she wouldn’t understand why she was acting like a 5 year old, but i keep them for me. Her chaos is gone and now she is going through the process of healing from all the sexual abuse memories. Her memories are still coming slowly. I love her so very much and hurt for her, for all the pain she endured as a child and even as an adult because of her multiplicity. We are now able to move forward with our life together and she is the happiest she has ever been.

Dear Michael,

How wonderful that you accepted each of her alters individually. I can see how you would miss each alter’s uniqueness. During integration of my alters, Dr. Baer shared that he missed a few of my alters, too!  Please understand that if she is happy, has no alter chaos, and the two of you are moving forward in life, there is no need to bring up the pain of the past. Perhaps you should find someone to talk to, to help you with your grief regarding losing the alters. I don’t believe any alter is lost; all alters merge together. She is all of them. The alters are her.

I am not a therapist, but in my opinion, I would say put the pictures away. Revisiting how the alters once were will keep you stuck in the past. It’s time to move on. I’m sure she understands this. It’s time for you to let go. I wouldn’t want to be reminded of what once was an alter part of me.

I am happy to hear that you love her. Please love her as one woman. Help her live the life she was meant to live, in peace, love and happiness.

Thank you

Karen

Comment by Lost at Fifteen on 12 Oct 2009 at 10:25 pm

Hi Karen,

How are you? I am doing fineeeeee. No I’m not. I am fifteen years old, freshman. I found your book in the library. I think I need mental health help. I haven’t talked to my parents yet. They are very great and wonderful to me. I am adopted and they adopted me when I was seven. I have nightmares and remember things I probably shouldn’t. If I tell my new parents do you think they will return me? I want to talk to them but think it’s best I wait until I’m eighteen. I haven’t been feeling very good lately. I don’t know the details of who I was before my adoption. I don’t remember my real parents at all but do remember bad things like dirty places and some smells bother me. Could my life be like yours and I don’t remember yet? What should I do? Do you think my parents will be mad at me if I ask questions? I trust you.

Lost at Fifteen

Dear Found, not Lost,

I am glad that you chose to share with me. Although I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, I understand you’re afraid to share some memories that are re-surfacing from your childhood. Perhaps these memories were triggered for a reason. I believe you are very wise to have recognized a need for help. In my opinion, you are “finding” yourself. Going to the library, searching for answers, and trying to contemplate what’s the best way to handle all that you’re feeling is very brave. I admire your efforts and encourage you to share with your parents.

I am so happy to hear that a loving, caring family has adopted you. They are your parents and will always be your parents.  Perhaps they already suspect something is happening to you. I’m sure they want you to share. I believe they will help you through this time, just as they have always helped you. If you trust your adoptive parents, as I suspect you do, nothing you share will change their minds about the way they feel about you. Your parents love you.

I think waiting until you are eighteen is a mistake. That would mean you would be living alone with your inner pain for three more years. There are good therapists that can help you understand your dark memories. Please don’t suffer alone. I healed through sharing my horrific memories and nightmares in the safety of therapy. You can too.

Wishing you all my best as you journey to heal.

Karen

Comment by Heather on 12 Oct 2009 at 9:45 pm

Dear Karen,

Did all symptoms of depression, anxiety and panic attacks go away for you after integration?

Heather

Dear Heather,

Yes, most of my symptons did go away after integration. For a while at least. I felt exhilarated, had no anxiety, and no longer suffered from panic attacks. But as time passed, I did feel a bit depressed now and then, but it never lasted longer than a day. Something would trigger past memories and I would feel ill.  What is interesting is the fact that I was able to recognize those dark moments and change my thoughts or talk to Dr. Baer.  After being a multiple with alter help, adjusting to reality as one person can be overwhelming. No alter chaos, but also no alter help. Nowhere to hide from myself. Yes, it was stressful at times. How could it not be? What worked for me was to take a deep breath, calm myself using all that I have learned in therapy, and try to re-focus my thoughts elsewhere.

Each of us travels a different journey to wellness, and I am no different. My dark thoughts would come when I felt overwhelmed or unable to sort out my feelings over something I couldn’t comprehend. I always do the best I can. I am a survivor. No longer a victim.

Thank you for your question.

Karen

Comment by Sierra on 12 Oct 2009 at 9:40 am

Dear Karen After all you gone through in life can you share some personal beattitudes?

Dear Sierra,

My Be-Attitudes:

Be aware of all that surrounds you.

Be careful not to judge others before knowing the facts.

Be cautious of those who claim they know everything.

Be able to forgive your abusers hold on you.

Be able to live despite what was taken from you.

Be able to live the life you once thought not possible.

Be able to trust your own instincts.

Be able to take care of yourself first.

Be fearless. Do not allow past pain to guide you.

Be careful to guard your heart, for it’s easy to be taken advantage of when trying to find loving relationships.

Be able to distinguish right from wrong, good from bad, and truth from lies.

Be hopeful that you will survive.

Be sure to have faith.

Be proud of all of your accomplishments, whether big or small.

Be certain to smile.

Be yourself.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Ms Williams on 15 Oct 2009 at 10:57 am

Hi Karen,

I know you’re probably a really busy person so I’ll make my comment easy. I am so relieved you are answering questions for people like us. I was diagnosed DID three years ago. When your story hit the shelf I was the first to by your book at Barnes and Noble. I took my time reading it. I cried, laughed and experienced every emotion I had, even some I never had. I read your blog answers all the time. Thank you for inspiring me to get up each day. I know my therapist is happy you exist. He told me so and said one day he was going to contact your doctor, Richard Baer to say what a fine job he has done with you. I am doing very good with my journey because you gave me hope without even knowing me. Thank you.

God Bless you, beautiful lady!

Ms. Williams

North Dakota

Dear Ms Williams,

I am touched by all your kind words. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on my story. That means a lot to me! I truly appreciate hearing that my story inspired you with hope so that you could heal as you continue your own journey toward becoming one.

Please know that your therapist can contact Dr. Baer on Facebook.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Barb on 15 Oct 2009 at 6:35 am

Love you Karen Overhill, hope you have a good day, hope Richard Baer loves you and has a good day too. Keep on truckin….

Dear Barb,

Thank you so much for wishing me and Dr. Baer a good day! We wish you a good day, too! Thanks for writing in. We hope to keep on truckin…for a long time!

Karen

Comment by Loretta on 13 Oct 2009 at 10:19 am

Karen,

Do you have any unpleasant reactions to such things most people can enjoy such as sports, amusement parks, Halloween and anything that triggers aggression? Integration combined all of your alters together but some had fears? Do you continue to suffer from past individual fears?

You and Baer are two awesome people to contribute this site and so much of your lives.Thank you.

Loretta

Oak Forest, IL

Dear Loretta,

Unpleasant reactions are a part of everyone’s life and there’s no difference for me.  Certain things trigger dark thoughts and sad memories. I don’t like to watch certain sports, such as boxing, wrestling, and sometimes, depending on the game, football. I can enjoy football at times when not distressed. I’ve become less anxious watching football since my son played on a football team during high school. I felt the excitement of the game then. Before that I hated any contact sport that brought on pain. I hate seeing anyone get hurt, especially punching each other as in boxing. All I can see during a boxing match is my father’s punches coming toward me.

Years ago I hated Halloween, especially when people wore masks and clown costumes. The anxiety I once felt has lessened, so that now I may be startled and jump, but laugh afterward. Amusement parks pose no threat to me now. I don’t like to be enclosed in any ride, but most open-air rides leave no fear.

Although my alters did harbor individual fears, I couldn’t tell you now what they were. All of my alters are me. I am all of them.

Thank you for your questions and kind compliments! Dr. Baer and I truly appreciate them.

Karen

Comment by Molly on 12 Oct 2009 at 9:47 pm

Hey Karen,

This is so cool for me to actually chat with you like this! you and Dr. Baer have been a total inspiration to me and what i want to make my life into. My sister brought me the book Switching Time and i instantly fell in love with the book and everyone in it. Your story is utterly amazing and you are such a strong person for going through it all. I have a lot of respect toward the both of you. I would love it if you or Dr. Baer would be able to help me accomplish something and give me some pointers on it. I want to go to collage to do what Dr. Baer does. I want to make a career for myself from this. I have always been a huge fan in studying psychology but i could use a few pointers on how to go about this in majoring for it in collage. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for your time.

Sincerely, Molly

Dear Molly,

It is cool, isn’t it! I enjoyed hearing from you. It’s nice to “hear” the excitement in your voice. I’m glad that your birthday gift of our book, Switching Time, turned into an inspiration for you to choose psychology as a possible career. I’m sure Dr. Baer would agree that being a therapist can be draining but also one of the most rewarding fields in the medical world. To help one survive through pain and suffering takes time and patience. The medical world needs good therapists.

I also believe studying psychology is fascinating! In my opinion, when you set your heart and mind on what you would like to do with your life, the learning begins. Trust your instincts!

Dr Baer says you can either become a clinical social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist.  The paths are very different, so look them up online and see what suits you best.

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Cherrilyn on 05 Oct 2009 at 6:34 am

Good day, Karen Overhill and Richard Baer, Good Day!

Switching Time knocked my socks off! Great work for a doctor and patient. Quite interesting that Karen stuck with just you, Richard Baer, as her therapist for all those years. I admire your strength Karen, to stick it out and heal. In analyzing my thoughts I am concerned as to how well your life has been after the book published. I read in a previous post it’s two years now. I have a feeling things did not turn out so well for you Karen. God forbid I don’t mean something’s wrong. I am a reader and have been feeling a draw to your newest pain. Live Karen. Don’t allow the pain of past circumstances to bury you. I am inspired by you. Don’t give up. I see an increase in comments to you. It’s a sign that you are doing great work. This will not be your year. This year is your ground zero but next year you will be rewarded.

Cherrilyn

Dear Cherilyn,

Thank you for all your compliments! Although Dr. Baer and I had stuck together, we had our moments!  But we were able to work through them. Being a multiple isn’t easy; there are many frustrating moments that had left both me and Dr. Baer exhausted.

I admit I’ve had a rough year. There were many changes in my life that I needed to deal with as one person. My journey continues on. I try my best to keep moving forward. Since the integration of my alters I’ve had to re-learn many life lessons.

I am looking forward to next year! I enjoy answering questions from all those who write to me. I feel privileged to be available for this and to live a life I once thought not possible. Thank you for being concerned. I am trying to keep my past in my past. Rarely do I dwell on the actual abuse I suffered. I try to bury that pain. What I do experience are occasional sad feelings that are usually not attached to any particular trauma or thought.

Thank you for caring.

Karen

Comment by Ten Four on 08 Oct 2009 at 5:10 am

Do you have the itch to fight someone? Argue them done now that you are one person? I am a multiple too but not fully integrated. I have four more to you. I am itching to fight people to stand my ground. When someone angers and hurt you to you ever feel like punching them out? Think of yourself as lower then they are? Slap the s**t of them for what they said? I integrated six of my ten and become angrier after each integration. The four left a mild compared to the others ones. Should my therapist have integrated the mild ones first? What do think about suggestions? Do you have lots of people suggesting you do this or that? Do you ever feel like telling them off? Do you? I love you Karen for sharing your life. I swear I learned more from you than my therapist and psych professor in college. More in the way because you have a heart that healed. a once damaged heart that learned to love and give hope despite the people who abuse you. Thank you Babe.

Ten Four

Dear Ten Four,

Sometimes I do get the itch to fight someone, but I never do. It’s not worth it!  People are human and some people will always annoy me. I try my best to stay away from those who aggravate me. I find myself feeling anxious when confronted by ignorant people. Dark thoughts get triggered leaving me feeling temporarily depressed. It’s hard for me to comprehend anger. I’m still learning. I find mistrust very difficult to overcome.

I don’t believe there was any particular pattern for my alters to be integrated. I believe Dr. Baer asked my alters and they decided who was to go first, second…last.  My alters had the best wisdom for who to integrate when. As each alter integrated, I regained their particular individual fragmented memories. Of course, that meant I was becoming whole and receiving more information and knowledge of what had happened to me. In turn, I felt angry at times. The process of integration can cause angry dark thoughts. How could it not? My alters were horrifically abused, protected me, and were finally sharing with me what they had spent a lifetime keeping secret.

Thank you for loving me. And thank you for sharing that my experience has brought knowledge to you in a way that textbooks can’t. That’s a very high compliment. I believe we can all learn from each other.

Karen