Comment by Marcellas on 22 Nov 2009 at 9:05 am

Dear Karen,

Thanks a mega bunch for sharing your thoughts and answers on a blog. I wanted to tell you you amaze me but also let you know how your words of confidence, realism and pure truth of your past experiences made a difference in my life. I wanted to kill myself one year ago today. That day I found your book sitting on a cocktail table in a waiting area of the library I was trying to stay warm in. I was alone and afraid to go home after my husband beat me. I stayed there all day and accessed your site through the computer. I want you to know how inspirational you are to women like me. I once thought I was a loser because I was abused as a young girl of nine. I thought I asked for it because maybe I flirted my way to wanting attention.

At my despair my mother punished me for being raped. My mother said I asked for it. I believed I wanted it though I never knew it was sex I wanted. Was I wrong to feel this way? Were you ever afraid you wanted to be abused? Unlike you, my mother acknowledged my abuse but it didn’t matter because she told me to shut up and never talk about it again. I never talked about it again. But you know what? I was suffering so bad because of never talking about it. I am a adult victim now not just as a child. Switching Time gave me something to learn from. One year ago I wanted to kill myself. Today, November 22, 2009 I am in therapy, was divorced, in college and raising my child alone with the help of a relative. At 28 with a 6 year old impressionable girl I chose to get out of a bad life. Thank you, Karen.

Marcellas

Dear Marcellas,

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I’m sorry for all that you have endured but I’m glad you took action to help yourself and your daughter. I’m inspired by your strength to overcome many obstacles to get you where you are today. Though I am happy to hear that my story has helped make a difference in your life, I believe you are the one to be applauded. What you have done for yourself and your daughter must not have come easy. I admire you. Thank you for being brave and taking the right path away from abuse. I believe with faith you and your daughter will do well. I sense you are a strong woman. In reading your story tears came to my eyes, for this is the reason I shared my story.

Please know that how you feel is never wrong. There is always a reason for the sadness you’re feeling. I believe you simply knew to trust your instincts. I sense you’ve been hurting for a long time. I felt the same as you. I thought maybe I asked to be abused, maybe I desired that type of touch, even thinking that type of touch was normal and happened to all young girls. But none of that matters. Why?  Because as children searching for love, how could we have known what we wanted? How we should feel? What was appropriate touch without ever experiencing it? We were children. For both of us, our fathers should’ve been the responsible adults. As children, we were the victims.

My mother would’ve reacted the same as yours. I tried to share with her by saying my father was hurting me, but she told me it was my imagination or I dreamt what happened. I knew it was real. I believe with alter help and for my own safety I stopped talking, slid into survivor mode, and kept my pain within me.

I am happy you didn’t suicide and wish you a sense of calm and happiness as you journey forward, away from abusive relationships.

Karen

Comment by Leigh Ann on 22 Nov 2009 at 4:46 am

Karen:

I started reading Switching Time as a reading assignment for nursing school. Although I had to read this book as an assignment, I feel that there was a reason.

I am amazed, honored, and humbled that you were able to share your life horrors with the world. Through the course of reading this book, there were many times I found myself in tears and many times that I found I had to close it for a few minutes before I could go on. It is unimaginable to me the things that you endured and that you are brave enough to share them with others. Then, I found myself crying again, but for very different reasons as your integration was documented and I found I couldn’t read it fast enough! I want to thank you for letting me glimpse into your life and your path to healing.

I have always had an interest in psychiatry and mental health. Now, after reading this book, I plan to go into the field once I get my RN and eventually get my Nurse Practitioner license with the hope of helping those people who can not afford it otherwise. I want to thank you and Dr. Baer for influencing my life.

I truly admire your bravery and your resolve. I wish you all the best.

Thank you again,

Leigh Ann

Dear Leigh Ann,

You’re welcome! Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments! I truly appreciate hearing them. I’m glad you shared your thoughts on reading Switching Time. That’s important to me. I always knew my story could be a harsh read for many, but honestly, abuse is not something that can be easily written about with grace. It was difficult to share the truth about my past, but I whole-heartedly believe that without the truth, there would be no understanding or knowledge gained. I can tell you understand more about multiplicity now after reading my story. That was Dr. Baer’s and my goal.

Your letter has touched me. It is my hope for you to continue on and accomplish your dream of becoming a nurse practitioner. The world needs more kind, compassionate, and caring people in the medical field. I can tell you are one of them.

I will send Dr. Baer your thankful thoughts. I’m sure he will be happy to hear them. Thank you for admiring my bravery and for recognizing Dr. Baer’s work and efforts to help heal me.

All my best wishes to you as you continue your studies.

Karen

Comment by Renee on 20 Nov 2009 at 11:30 am

Karen?????

What will you do now that Oprah is ending her show and you haven’t been invited????? I assumed you are devastated by her show ending. Why in the world she never had you on her show leaves me puzzled? Are you angry at Oprah? What do you think of her now? Do you think she will reconsider your story and have you and Baer guest? I wish she would. I would be so happy. I know your story would help so many more women.

I love you, your the best inspirational person I know. A true live real hero of a woman with strength, grace and a rare jewel willing to put yourself in the past to help. Thank you!

Happy Thanksgiving, Karen. I am thankful you are in my life.

Dear Renee,

No, I am not devastated that Oprah hadn’t chosen Dr. Baer or me to appear on her show.  I am actually happy for Oprah. She had worked very hard for over twenty four years and, as she’s stated, twenty five years is the perfect time. For a quarter of a century Oprah chose to help millions grow in spirit, faith, and wholeness. That includes me. I would love to meet Oprah someday, and if not as a guest on her show, maybe afterwards when she has time for breakfast or lunch. I would love to meet her and share what an inspiration she has been to me. I believe through witnessing Oprah’s courage time and again as she revealed and shared her painful past, she inspired me to seek help and not be afraid to share.

My story continues on and has already helped thousands who have suffered from childhood abuse. Switching Time has sold thousands of copies and continues to grow at a slow and steady pace. What’s most important to me is to know that I have healed, have survived multiplicity, and am able to share from my experiences. I am proud of my work with Dr. Baer. When Dr. Baer wrote Switching Time it was my wish to reach out and encourage hope through sharing my story. Our goal was to help people recognize early symptoms that are clearly present but often ignored. I believe Switching Time has accomplished that. Knowledge is the key.

I’m hopeful and believe my story is meant to be shared, whether on Oprah, or not, my voice continues to be heard in many venues, including here through my blog. I am grateful for small steps. Maybe one day Oprah will call. I would truly love to hear from her.

Thank you for all your kind compliments, especially for loving me, having faith, and believing in me.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too! I am thankful for all those who continue to support my efforts to share in order to help others.

Karen

Comment by Callie Marie on 19 Nov 2009 at 9:48 am

Karen,

Great story! Great writing and layout. I cried a lot reading it. I think I can trust you with my question. One question.  Besides the one time of cutting to let your therapist know about the alters did you cut on a regular basis to releve your pain? Did you cut deep? I am a cutter, cut to the point of needing stitches but tape myself together well. I can’t understand why I cut. Do you think of cutting? I am thinking of going to therapy, should I? I was raped by a old man when I was fourteen and he was a ancient dirty old man of sixty something? I hate the smell of old people. I hate the smell of sex. I am not bad looking and can get a date but everytime I say yes, I cut myself and cancel. I am twenty three now but it still feels like yesterday. I would love to not think of that day or the smells. I feel sick writing this down for you. Have to go. You’re wonderful. Please help me. Can I stop or is it to late for me?

Callie Marie, Boston

Dear Callie Marie,

I’m sorry to hear that you continue to suffer in silence after being raped nine years ago. I understand the triggers of smell that haunt you. I’ve had those triggers, too. I never could understand why certain odors would trigger my wanting to hurt myself, but they did. Whenever I chose to date someone, I didn’t cut myself; I switched to an alter. I never could date a man on my own; my alters always took over. I’ve never experienced true love because of the pain of my past. I needed to learn how to love myself first. Now after integration and resolving most triggers, I’m capable of loving.  Triggers will always be present for me but learning how to recognize them can lessen the anxiety. There are times when a reminder comes, but I try to quickly deflate that particular dark thought by replacing it with something positive.

It’s never too late to start therapy. I believe therapy is calling to you. I am not a therapist and can’t give advice, but in my opinion the symptoms you share require professional help from a qualified therapist. I was not a cutter in the same way you describe. During therapy, at a time when most alters were not yet verbal with Dr. Baer, one alter decided to visually share how many alters were within me by scratching the number of alters on my abdomen. These lines were not deep, they were fine paper cuts, long in length, with each cut representing an alter.

Of course, my alter chose the wrong way to share that information. I believe my thoughts of eliminating pain with another pain were always present, but just not always acted on. I admit, a few of my alters may have stabbed or cut to eliminate one pain to replace it with another but once each alter understood the reason behind their supposed violent thought, they came to realize it was not the best option. My therapist, Dr. Baer, helped my alters understand their pain by talking through each memory that elevated thoughts of hurting me.

Please seek help as soon as you can. There are good therapists out there who can help you on your own journey to wellness. There is no need to suffer alone.

Callie Marie, I have faith in you. After all, you wrote to me, and that’s an important first step to admitting you need help.

Wishing you all my best as you begin your journey.

Karen

Comment by Bennett on 19 Nov 2009 at 9:02 am

Dear Karen,

When you switched alters did you ever worry about being hurtful or inappropriate like acting out and committing a crime? Have you ever been arrested for a crime? Have you ever committed a crime and switch feigning innocence by blaming an alter? If you committed a crime and jailed during your alter chaos (what you refer to) years what alter would be punished to that crime? Would Dr. Baer have bailed you out? Did you ever think to murder anyone? God, I would kill if what happened to you would happen to me or someone I knew. I am crazy fascinated in your mind. What intelligence you must have not to act out violently. I admire you but still wonder about my questions?

Bennett

Dear Bennett,

Interesting questions!  No, I have never been arrested for a crime, nor did I commit a crime while in an altered state and blame it on an alter. I believe it’s not in my nature to intentionally commit a crime. I may have been a victim of circumstances, but that doesn’t justify criminal intent. As a multiple, I believe if you are basically a good person, a multiple’s alters will reflect that same tone.

If I were arrested for a crime during alter chaos, and found guilty, I assume I would be punished by the law, in the same way any criminal would.  If arrested, I’m not sure whether Dr. Baer would bail me out. But I do know for sure that no one else would have come to my rescue during my therapy years. I would’ve needed Dr. Baer’s expertise to help me sort through such a thing, possibly through hypnosis, a technique used often during my therapy.

Murder someone? I may have had wishes of someone dying, but not at my hands. As a victim of terrible abuse, it’s only normal for me to have had such thoughts. When hurting as I was, I certainly would favor the one hurting me to be removed, not necessarily in death, but maybe imprisoned for life. Murder?  No. What would that possibly prove? I would be imprisoned for life after already spending a lifetime imprisoned within myself.

Thank you for admiring my ability not to murder my abusers! Murder is never the answer, no matter how angry you become.

Karen

Comment by Betty on 19 Nov 2009 at 8:58 am

Dear Karen,

Happy Thanksgiving to you and Richard Baer! Thought of the both of you this morning. I read your blog all the time but never ask any questions because you already answered far more than what I wanted to know. I learn more about the spirit of an abused woman from you than anyone else. No questions today but warm wishes and hugs! Love you guys!

Betty

Dear Betty,

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too! Your remembering Dr. Baer and me on such an important holiday touches me! Thanksgiving Day has always been my favorite holiday. It’s a time to share with those who mean the most to us, a time to be thankful and grateful for all the little things that come along with the big things. I wish to share Thanksgiving Day with all those who have been kind to me.

Thank you for reading my blog and being a great support. Dr. Baer and I truly appreciate you! Sending warm wishes and hugs back to you!

Wishing you all my best!

Karen

Comment by Pamela J. on 19 Nov 2009 at 3:23 am

Hi Karen,

I absolutely felt the love grow during your therapy years. I am amazed at how kind you turned out to be. If I was abused like you I would hate the world. What do you think contributed to your lack of hatred towards people in general? In my experience as a social worker I’ve run into many clients who have been wronged, abused, suffering great internal pain and most have issues with anger. In the field of psychiatry many cop an attitude blaming the world even God for their misfortunes. I don’t hear that in your story. What a inspiration you are for sharing. What an inspiration Dr. Baer is for his lifetime effort of treating you. Bless the both of you for making a difference.

Pamela J.

Boise, Idaho

Dear Pamela,

Thank you for being so kind and sharing your thoughts. I believe I can change the world one act of kindness at a time. I am who I am. I believe being kind helped diffuse my abusers. Besides, I was never an angry woman, never an angry child or an angry teen. It’s just not in my nature to be vindictive. I assume my anger turned inward as each alter developed, and by my not wishing to treat others as I was once treated.

Would my expressing anger have made a difference? I don’t believe so. I believe I may have been killed. I always felt my anger intensified any problems and caused more stress. For me, it was important to stay calm while internally experiencing chaos, pain, and abuse. For my own protection my alters knew the importance of my need to be kept in a survivor mode. I was able to let go of angry thoughts by having faith.

I’m glad I never experienced hatred towards people. In my opinion, what goes around, comes around. Those who hurt will eventually be dealt with.

Thank you for your questions,

Karen

Comment by Joslyn on 09 Nov 2009 at 12:00 pm

Hi Karen!

Good morning! Just read a few questions being asked of you. Don’t you worry about people who don’t understand the illness or finish reading your story. People shouldn’t judge and make opinions about anything unless they can give a well rounded opinion. When someone stops reading your story half way, as one reader put it they will never know what they’re missing. I felt anxious reading ST but continued on. My anxiety came from empathy for you. I read and knew I had to know the ending. I had to know what happened to you. I was glad I finished reading the book. To all you people who stop in the middle you are mistaking triumph over pain. To the lady who felt insulted. Read the rest of the book before judging Karen and Richard Baer.

Peace to you Karen and Richard. Don’t let people intinidate you. The book was written the best way possible. If written any differently I wouldn’t have understood. Thank you for your efforts to bring knowledge of mpd and did.

Joslyn, PA

Dear Joslyn,

Thank you so much for sharing your very candid thoughts on reading my story. I appreciate your concern and hearing your honest opinion. I agree that it’s important to read the entire story in Switching Time. I’m glad you chose to continue reading when you came upon an uncomfortable section. When I share my story with others, including my closest friends, I ask them to please read the book in its entirety. I explain that there are horrific parts, but that sharing the whole truth was important in order for the reader to gain full understanding and knowledge. If anyone has questions, I would be happy to answer them. It is my hope that the reader who doesn’t finish reading, finishes and writes back. I would like to hear her thoughts.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts and compliments. It’s important for Dr. Baer and me to continue to share our journey in the best interest of science.

Karen

Comment by Molly on 13 Nov 2009 at 9:28 am

Dear Karen,

Thank you so much for answering all these questions. I found courage to go to a therapist today. I was miserable. I was abused, raped and treated like trash. I got pregnant by my father and aborted my baby four months ago. I feel depressed and ashamed. I found your book at the library. I am eighteen and afraid my mother will blame me and call me a slut and whore. I wish I heard about your book before i abortioned but i thought if looking in the babies face would always remind me of my father and his rape of me. My mother doesn’t know. No one know but you and my new doctor. I am telling you because you gave me the courage to find my own help. I started therapy today with a nice lady therapist. I am afraid of going back because of what she might think of me but you kept going back so I will to. Thank you lovely lady. I love you for being brave to help people. I told my new therapist that Switching Time got me in there.

Molly in Alaska

Dear Molly,

You’re welcome. Thank you for your kind thoughts regarding my answering questions posted here. It is my hope to be helpful. I am glad you found courage to seek help for yourself. That is the important first step. Sounds like you found someone you believe can accompany you on your journey, please take your time and give therapy a chance.

I’m sorry for all that you experienced at the hands of your father. I understand your feelings and empathize with your pain. Though I never experienced a pregnancy from being raped, I feared becoming pregnant all the time. I believe I would also have had a difficult time deciding what to do if I became pregnant from rape. I can’t imagine myself carrying my father’s child. I would’ve felt devastated too. Please don’t be hard on yourself. I believe your choice was the best choice for you.

I’m not sure if I would’ve had the courage to take care of myself in the same situation. I thought over your decision regarding not sharing with your mother and believe you must know her best. If you were afraid to share, there must’ve been a good reason. I never shared my abuse with my mother for the same reason. I believe my own mother would’ve blamed me and accused me of wrong-doing.

I am glad to hear that you found a good therapist to build a relationship of trust. Please know that therapy is difficult in the beginning, and can also be difficult as you heal. Faith in myself and having the desire to heal kept me going. Time and again I would faithfully attend my sessions whether I wanted to or not, and eventually my therapy became my release and sense of calm.  I admit, there were many sessions where I felt badly for sharing details of my abuse. I felt unclean, miserable, and worried greatly about what Dr. Baer thought of me. Many times I questioned whether my therapist believed me. During my therapeutic years Dr. Baer listened, never judged me, and unconditionally cared for me. Therapy turned out to be a blessing, and for that I am grateful.

Wishing you all my best as you continue your own personal journey to wellness.

Karen

Comment by Dragana on 08 Nov 2009 at 10:04 am

Hello Karen,

Started to read “A Life in Pieces” only to close the book half way. It hurt to read. As a mother of three I can’t imagine the horror you suffered. I don’t like that Richard Baer treated you so badly. He was condescending, insulting you repeatedly. I dont know if I want to finish it? Why did you allow your therapist to disrespect and mistreat you? Am I the only reader who read his thoughts? He never liked you. Why didn’t you see it? You claim to be highly attuned? Back then may have been different. How do you feel looking back now? Is he still an arse? I want to know more about how you overcame Richard Baer’s insults. For the love of God I hope you never allow anyone to treat you like he did.

I am insulted by your therapists treatment of you. He did not treat you well.

Dragana

UK

Dear Dragana,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on A Life in Pieces, the UK version of Switching Time. I appreciate hearing what you have to say but admit that I am a bit taken aback by how you chose to read my story. I admit there are moments in the book where it appears that Dr. Baer felt condescending or insulting, but he was simply being the psychiatrist that he was. There are ethical guidelines for a therapeutic relationship that must be met. Dr. Baer was doing his job and treated me in an appropriate matter.

I am a highly attuned person who has suffered in many ways and never once picked up on Dr. Baer’s mistreatment of me during the course of my healing from multiplicity. There have been a few other readers, like you, who believed that Dr. Baer showed disrespect towards me. I will answer your question in the same way I answered theirs.  As a troubled patient there were many difficult issues for me to sort through. I was an annoying, chronic mess. If I were he, I may have felt the same way. Dr. Baer composed himself in an appropriate professional manner, and despite his initial ill thoughts, chose to help me.

If Dr. Baer had treated me any differently, with too much compassion, too much sympathy, or became overly emotional, I would’ve stopped therapy, never returned, and therefore never have healed. I needed someone to listen. Dr. Baer listened to me without forcing his own thoughts and opinions into my already traumatic distressing system of alter chaos. Dr. Baer treated me with respect and did so for my own well-being.

In the writing of Switching Time, Dr. Baer believed it was important to be truthful and share his feelings along with mine on how our therapeutic relationship survived. In the beginning, Dr. Baer had thoughts that may have appeared as if he didn’t care or disliked me, but that was just his initial frustration. I believe it was just as difficult for Dr. Baer to treat me as it was for me to be his patient. We needed to learn from each other from ground up and build our therapeutic relationship based on respect and trust for each other. We both learned from the experience.

Multiplicity is not that easily diagnosed, and it took time for a bond of trust and understanding to form between Dr. Baer and me. What is most important and amazing is that we never gave up. Dr. Baer never ended my therapy based on his early feelings, and I never ended therapy with Dr. Baer because he never forced me to be anyone other than myself: one woman with seventeen very distinct alternate personalities.

I cannot force anyone to finish reading Switching Time any more than I can change someone’s thoughts on multiplicity. But I can encourage hope through sharing my story. I admit my story is difficult to read, especially the first third of the book where some graphic detail can throw off anyone sensitive to horror. I believe true understanding and inspiration can only come when the reader completes his or her reading of the entire book.

Please, if you can, finish reading and write back to me. Please know that I care and will answer any questions you may have. I would love to hear your thoughts once you hear the whole story. I believe my story was meant to be told.

Wishing you all my best.

Karen